POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXVI, Issue 63, 11 September 1943, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Dear Flage^-Exitaly^-Your^ „, # * *

Heard in the tram yesterday: "Well, there's the first leg of the treble.'

We don't know where Mussolini can be found, but Hitlers in a jam.

Iran has declared War on Germany, but we are glad to know that .Andorra is still neutral.

Admiral Kichisaburo Nomura says that Italy cannot be pampered. But can't it be hampered—and how! * * * '

Husband (in Court): The trouble is my wife expects me to spend all my spare time with her, and- I think a man should be allowed to spend some time with his own thoughts. .

FOOTSORE?

Dear Percy Flage,—Realising that the Eighth Army has literally a foothold in Italy, I have been meditating on how long it will take them to weardown the upper and reach the heel. When that time arrives, Italy could not last. She would be no longer upright. But then, of course, as Italy has only one heel (that matters) we would not get the other till we reached Berlin,— Best wishes.

2nd N.Z.E.F. I cannot cheer as the troops go by, " There's a lump in my 'throat, and ft tear dims my eye, For I think of a lad with his head held

high, Who marched away one morning. He died of wounds, and this-say I, . ■ "I hope that the boys will know just I canrS cheer as tfae_teoog|g^ • * *

SSSSH!

When Hitler was in Denmark some time ago he planned to visit their police headquarters. A tactful Nazi official sent the police, in advance, six different photographs of Adolf, hoping they would be displayed for the Fuhrer's visit. When the Fuhrer arrived, however, none was on view, so the Nazi official took the police chief aside and asked: "Did you get those six photographs I sent you?".. The police chief pondered a minute, then replied: "Why, yes, I remember. And you'll be glad to know we've caught five of the crooks already!"

"ESQ."

A pathetic and touching incident concerns the plight of a pretty North of England girl, who confesses that her attempts to arouse interest in the male of her choice have so far been unavailing. • ~ When visiting a friend in London the girl was diligent in her letter-writing to the indifferent youth. An Amercan friend of hers was a sympathetic confidante, and used frequently to post letters for her to the frigid Northerner. . "But what," the American asked one day, "what does 'Esq.' on the envelope after his name stand for?" "Esquimau," was the reply. #. ♦ * COLLEGE BONERS.

Correcting examination papers at a large university is not at all dull routine. Now and then the professors come across some choice "boners. Here are some gathered in a survey by the "Daily Californian," student publication of the University of Calif°^Tlhe~dome of St. Clements is supported by eight peers, all of which are unfortunately cracked." , .., ~; "Shakespeare lived at Windsor with his merry wives," "A spinster is a bachelor's wife. "William Tell shot an arrow through an apple standing on his son's head. "A grass widow is the wife of a vegetarian." ' . _ , "The Mediterranean and the Red Sea are connected by the Sewage Canal."

LAWSUITS.

There are queer ways in the witness box says T.B. In Siberia, between Russians and the wild Ostiaks, it was customary to bring the head; of a bear into court. The Ostiak would make! the-gesture of eating, while calling on the bear to devour him in like manner if he failed to tell the truth. Kaffir witnesses take the oath in the name of their chieftain, and the chief himself in the name of the King of England. Another curious method oi taking the oath is that practised by the Nagas of Assam. Two men take hold of a dog or fowl, one by the head and the other by the feet, and a third man chops the victim in two with a single blow of a pao (native knife). This is supposed to be emblematic of the fate to be expected by a perjurer.

A.E.C,

This note was passed on to',us by "Cockney": Under the War Office in London the Army Educational Corps has developed greatly since it was first proposed by the Workers' Educational Association. Correspondence courses have made it possible for soldiers to continue their studies. Army educational lectures are entering new and stimulating fields. This largest of Britain's universities teaches religion, philosophy, economics, general science, literature, French, music, geology, and psychology. The-Workers'- Educational Association also organises summerschools where the ordinary worker can spend his holidays combining open-air life with study. Weekend schools ,go in for research into social and economic problems. The best of these students are selected for courses at Ruskin Cpllege, Oxford, with which the association works closely. ,

REINCARNATION. « I too remember distant golden days, When even my soul was young; I see

the sand Whirl in a blinding pillar towards the

band, Of orange skyline 'neath a. turquoise

• blaze — (Some burnt-out sky spread o'er a

glistening land) —And slim brown jargoning men la

blue and gold, I know it all so well, I understand The ecstasy of worship ages-old.

Hear the first truth: The great far-. seeing soul Is ever in the humblest husk; I see How each succeeding section takes its toll : In fading cycles of old memory. And each new life the next life shall control Until perfection reach eternity. —E. WYNDHAM TENNANT. * * *

THE SMOKE-SCREEN.

''Juno": —Boarding a crowded tram the other Hay on Lambton Quay I spied, to my surprise and pleasure, a vacant place on a double seat and, none of the standers demurring, quickly slipped into it. I" got up immediately to offer the seat to a lady who had just entered, but she gave a sort of sniff and passed on to the standing paddock. Then I got a whiff of familiar fumes. So that was the catch in it, the secret of the vacancy. I might have known it, Boston Plugge and his pipe and the "reconditioned" tobacco! Boston was not too cordial either. "After that par of yours, Juno," he said tartly, "I suppose I'll be in bad odour with the tobacconists just when I was hoping to place a - parcel of 'Plugge Special' at popular prices, you know." "Don't you worry, Boston," I retorted,, "you couldn't be in worse -odour with the general public. Look around you." "Why, that's one of the claims for the 'Special'; every man his own smoke-screen, every smoker a seat in the smokers' section. I can't understand all this fuss. I get quite a kick out of it myself." "Yes," said I, "and quite a few more kicks waiting, if you go on with it." "Won't you try a pipeful?" he said persuasively, offering his pouch: "Not on my life," I snorted. "I don't want to revive the E.P.S. and gas masks," and I stepped out into the. fresh air of Willis Street;