POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXIII, Issue 87, 14 April 1942, Page 4

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Commeni

BY PERCY FLAGS

Today it is largely a question of who shall rule the waves—of bomber& * ■ ♦ * It is reported that Mussolini has lost all control of himself. But he lost his head long ago. * * # Social success is (or used to be) ths infinite capacity for being bored. * * * Anon: These lines suit me-^ 'Twas in Trafalgar Bay We saw the Frenchmen lay. «.;..« * # * Walter Winchell: Berliners are yap^ ping about the bombings of Berlin. . J& That's like a skunk squawking abotire its perfume. 1 * * * FUN IN THE NEWS. Anatomical msrvel headlined bj New York "Daily Mirror."— NAZIS SHELL ODESSA SEIZE EIGHT WARSHIPS IN RED NAVEL BASE. No comment. * * * LIMERICK. A.8., Port Nelson, sends this one t0 be completed:— There was an "Old Man" of the sea ' Who said: "Now, come listen to me, When the wind is a-blowin' The good ship's a-goin' Try this one with the salt sea in your nostrils. < * ♦ # 'HITLER'S NERVES. This letter appeared in the London "Daily Telegraph": Sir,—lt has been stated recently that Hitler had to see the famous nerve specialist Prof. P. Schuster of Berlin. I am indeed very pleased to hear of any illness Mr. Hitler might have, as I know he won't receive any treatment. Prof. Schuster died last year in this country. I really do know, as I happen to be his son. Yours faithfully, H. B. SCHUSTER, R.A.0.C., Somewhere in England. * * * 1 GERMAN "JOY." The following illuminating example of "solemn nonsense" in Nazi Germany is from a recent article in a German paper, according to a letter in "The Times": The writer is concerned to reprove those who complain about the joylessness of the times. "Joy in these days," he says, "must be found in small things. For example, the housewife unexpectedly finds an old collar which can still be used. . . . She has joy. Many other similar examples,'* the writer continues, "can be given ...'' * * ♦ 117 MILES OF,PLANES. President Roosevelt has told America that by December 31, 1943, it must turn out 185,000 planes and 120,000 tanks. To give the man in the street some idea of the size of this air and land armada, the American magazine "Life" pointed out that— 185,000 planes in the form of a milewide blanket of fighters over a blanket of bombers would stretch 117 miles. 185,000 planes in rows of five, " 100 feet apart, make^a column 900 miles long—almost as long as the chain of islands called Japan. 120,000 tanks, in single column, stretch 2520 miles. Under its first war budget U.S.A. will spend 58,927,992,300 dollars in the year 1942-43. If an immortal man had spent three dollars every hour since Christ was born, he would not yet have reached this figure. * * * INFORMATION. Dear Flage,—From your vast storehouse of knowledge would you please oblige an old reader and extract answers to the following questions? 1. When was electric light first introduced for domestic use in Wellington? . 2. Ditto telephones, and also street call boxes? Did I hear an awed whisper, Flage? Well . . . perhaps I don't blame you. Yours .very sincerely, F.W. * 1. Electric light was first installed on October 8, 1888. 2. Telephone exchange was inaugurated on January 20, 1883. 3. We are given to understand, via the G.P.0., that there were street call iron boxes used in Dunedin (4 of them), Lyttelton (1), and Wellington (2) several years before the telephone exchange arrived. To make certain of this, you should look up Government documents in the Assembly Library. * # * WE GIVE. We give one minute from each peaceful day, And silently we bow our heads and pray. We pray no blood shall stain our pleasant land, We ask the safety of His guiding hand. They give long days those valiant sons who fight For God and us, for justice and the right; They give by sacrifice, by sweat and tears, Their shell-scarred days grow slowly into years. We are so blind, it seems, we cannot see His might alone can bring us victory; So strong we do not think of Him as such; We give so. little yet expect so much! JOHN ELLIOT. * * * DOUGHBOYS TAKE THE BISCUIT. Dear Flage,—Four jolly sailormen, after an all-nighter ashore in. Welling* ton recently, found themselves just after daybreak within hail of an unresponsive hotel which remained doubly "locked and barred" against them. Then a familiar word caught their attention displayed in a nearby dairy: "Dogs." Barging in, they demanded of the proprietor if hot do«s were avaliable for consumption on the premises. He laughingly informed them that the word "dogs" on the notice card referred to a City Council bylaw against dogs being allowed on licensed premises where food is for sale to the public. However, hunger needs no "sauce." Looking around the dairy shelves they had a bright idea of purchasing an eight-pound tin of'biscuits each to stow in the taxi waiting outside. This export order had to be tactfully declined. Food rationing is in the air. A compromise was effected by the sale of one eightpound tin of biscuits between the quartet. Then spying four one-pound sultana cakes in the offing, a raid was made upon the silver wrapping and,Oh, crumbs! did they leave even a sparrow's breakfast behind them? In answer to the inevitable question: "What do you think of Wellington?" they fired the following verbal broadside: "It is half the size of the cemetery way back in New York—and twice as dead." We may forgive a pert wisecrack from wise guys who realise that the Pacific-problem is as much theirs. as ours. More power to their broadsides—verbal or; otherwise! . '' ■■' • ■■■■■■'. "r:'\.-.QJ&i-Jy