POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXXIII, Issue 42, 19 February 1942, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGS

Chronicle and Comment

Vichy is itchy these days. *I * * Fun in the news: "A German, aitborn division . . . " . * *, *'■•.,■ Add howlers: The Minister of War is the clergyman who preaches to soldiers in barracks. * # ♦ Etcetera is a sign, says "Third Form," used to make people believe you know more than you do. *#' * ■ RUSSIAN HOSPITALITY. Now fleeting fast before the-Bear, Though according quite to plan; Quoth Hitler: "Just wait till the spring, You'll see the Superman." "Ah no!" replied the courteous. Bear, All filled with friendly zeal. "You won't go till we've dined. OK Man, ' For you will be the meal." ATOM. * * * INFORMATION. ' . . * . Dear Flage,—l am appealing to you to settle a heated argument. Would you please tell me through your Col. 8 if there is a railway through Australia to Darwin. I say there is; my friend says no. With thanks. KANGAROO. Your friend, wins. There is no-such, railway running to Darwin. Maybe you confuse it with the line which runs along Australia's south coast to Perth. * # * IN MEMORIAM. Every April 14, where the slow Atlantic swell sweeps across the edge ; of the Grand Banks,.one of the American coastguard cutters pauses to pay the annual homage of the Ice Patrol to the 1517 dead in the Titanic disaster, which, caused the patrol's creation. With, engines dead still and church pennant at masthead, officers and men line the quarterdeck in full dress while the commander reads the burial service, Then a rifle squad fires three volleys and the cutter steams away, leaving a lone wreath bobbing on the waves above the broken hull. * # ♦ " '■ DESE BRITISCH! This is how a Nazi-controlled Paris radio put it: One will be able to form an exact idea of how these ladies and gentlemen in England treat the' inferior classes when one is told of the following unprecedented case: A marchioness who wanted to convert a district which hindered her for hunting purposes did not hesitate to set fire to hundreds "of houses, despite. the inhabitants' complaints. For three days one heard the lowing of cattle and the cries of the people who were being roasted alive. * # » WORLD WAR SOUVENIRS. In the headquarters of the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders is a drum that has seen historic days. It was taken with the Highlanders into battle at Mons, and in the heat of the fierce fighting was left on the battlefield. It was taken up arid taken back to Hamburg by Herr.Eiffe. Some years later, in London, 1 the German heard of the loss of the drum at Mons, and he returned it to the Argyll and Sutherlands. There was a well-polished German gun on a Kentish village green. It bore a brass plate describing how it was captured from the enemy in 1915. And there it-stood from 1920 until it was suddenly taken away last year— as salvage. * ♦ # UGLIES. 0.U.!, not an Adonis himself, pre» sented us with this note, hoping we are not "too ugly an ugly." (We're not sure!) Few great men are handsome. Visit the National Portrait Gallery and inspect the faces of our most famous statesmen, scholars, and ■ admirals, generals, archbishops, scientists, and industrialists. Most of them are positively ugly, but all have character. According to Andre Maurois, the French author, ugliness has many compensations. It prevents a man from being conceited, deprives him of tooeasy conquest in love, and spurs him to efforts which bring forth brilliance. No suitor is jealous of an ugly rival, and ugliness in a male usually prejudices one in his favour. In the long run a plain face is usually a passport to success, for the owner does not depend upon it and usually develops talents which in the Adonis lie dormant. * * ♦ MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. .' Say, 'aye you got your shelter yet? Nex' door 'as made 'ers; it's a pet, Down at the bottom uv their fence, With chairs to match 'cos they 'aye sense. . Bill started 'c's with pick-'n'-spade The other night, an' what 'c's made Would make Tim Armstrong's trenches, dear, Somethink to weep on. Don't I fear If a Jap bomber landed by Both uv us would go sky 'igh, Never to come down, dear, no morej Also as I told Bill afore, Our 'oles too near the fowl'ouse, where The leg'orns 'aye to take the air. And let me add I've tried to.land A warden's job—that would be grand Goin' at night when sirens blow Askin' the neighbours yes-'n'-know Was they black-out and if not—well That was a yarn I'd 'aye to tell. 'Owever, dearie, soon-'n'-late Luck'll come breezin' to our gate, An' knockin' at our door to say The jumpin' Japs'll crash one day. With 'Itler wimp'rin' on 'c's knees Askin' Joe Starling for ap pease But gettin' nothink but the boot . .'; When is a man a bandy coot? * # » WIREMU AT WORK. Wiremu, the Maori Roadman, has ft pleasant trip in a Horse Float. We never do no work on Saturdee, we .got the forty-hour week, and so when I asked to go with Bill in • the horse float I go very quick. You 'member I ride with the Boss's boy in his truck but he not get any petrol for his truck, but the horse float have plenty petrol to take his horse, to the races. Goin' along I say to Bill how you get the benzine, eh? an* he .say "Easy as anythin' just ask 'an - say it for the horses float and that horrite for us." "You can't stop the races" he say, "for no war, the races has to be raced an' it good for the peoples in the war effort." "The horse float run about all the time ari' that help to win. the war." You think that right eh? A lot er money go in the tote an' that win the war an' knock the German an' the Japaneasers out. They not have the races, they fight all the time, an' work all the time, an' never have no races, not. horse float either. It seem funny that 'avingf the.race all the time the war be won an' I not see it in my head like that, an' when I - say it to Bill, he wink his eye an' say he not see it either, but that he has to be quiet an' not say what he think.