Wit and Humour

Evening Post, Volume CXXXII, Issue 41, 16 August 1941, Page 15

Wit and Humour

Johnny came home with a black eye, and his mother said: "1 told you to only play with good little boys; good little boys never fight." "Well," said Johnny, "I thought Percy was a good little boy till I hit him." (Scene: A garrison town. Time: Sunset.) ' Old Lady Visitor (startled as the gun is fired at sunset): Dear me! What's that? Native: Oh, it's only the sunset! Old Lady: Why does your sun set here with a bang like that? It goes down quietly enough at our place. Fair Visitor (at nursing home): May 1 be permitted to see Lieutenant Smith please? Matron: We don't allow ordinary visiting Are you a relative? Fair Visitor (boldly): Oh, yes. I'm his sister. ' Matron: Dear me! I'm very glad to i meet you. I'm his mother. An old gardener was somewhat bored by the persistent questions of a townsman staying at the local hotel. One day the visitor found his victim busy planting trees and immediately asked: "What kind of trees are you planting?" "Wooden ones." -^vne the astonishing I reply.

The sergeant was Inspecting some recruits, when he became conscious of a slight movement behind him, and whipped round. "You idiot!" he roared at the offending recruit. "Don't you ever point a rifle at me again—even if it is empty." "But it's not empty," the recruit explained. Two fishing enthusiasts met at the edge of a river. To make the day's sport more interesting, they agreed that the one who made the first catch should give the other a drink. A few minutes after they started the Scotsman pointed out to the Englishman that he had a bite. It was a very poor specimen, but still, it was a catch, and the Englishman kept his word, and duly poured put a drink for his neighbour. "Ah, weel," said the Scot, as he finished his drink. "I think I'll bait my nook noo!" A large crowd had gathered in the middle of a busy street. A policeman pushed his way through, to find in the centre of the gathering a little man uttering strange noises. "Wot's all this?" he demanded. •'You'll 'aye to move on. Causing an obstruction, you are." "I'm not doing any harm," the little man protested. "I'm only a bird imita- | tor." i "Bird imitator, are you?" said the ; constable. "Well, let's see you 'op it!"