Wit and Humour

Evening Post, Volume CXXXI, Issue 115, 17 May 1941, Page 15

Wit and Humour

THE BOOKMAN *»- UNDAUNTED PASTOR NIEMOLLER'S SERMONS It is a commonplace that in the modern world the power of the pulpit has decayed, remarks "The Times Literary Supplement" review of "The I Gestapo Defied," which contains the last 28 sermons preached by Pastor Niemoller before he fell foul of the Nazis. There was, however, one country in recent years where the preacher i occupied a position of influence, for which it would be necessary to go back to the seventeenth century to find a parallel. That country was Germany between the years 1933 anJ 1938. When every other means of public expression of opinion ■ was reduced to silence a section of the clergy performed a function that was no longer open to the professor or the journalist. Not all Christian ministers availed themselves of this opportunity. There were many who played for safety. It was always possible to find topics that raised no awkward questions. That is, after all, no new element in pulpit tactics. There was the more encouragement £o do so, since, when the Nazis came to power, a stimulating response could easily be aroused by clothing the resurgence of passionate national feeling with a film of religious phraseology. There were others, both in the Catholic and in the Protestant Church, in Germany who saw in certain aspects j of the Nazi doctrine a direct challenge to their most sacred convictions that it would be treachery to their faith to refuse. Conspicuous among these men, whose courage equalled the clarity of their vision, was Martin Niemoller. There were few in Germany in whose breast the love of country and the restoration of a truly national spirit struck a deeper- or more responsive note. But there was something else which spoke with a greater urgency. It was that which caused the prophet Amos to cry, "The lion hath roared, who will not fear? The Lord God hath spoken, who can but prophesy?" The second selection of Niempller's sermons which has just been published is even more revealing than the first. They do more than make clear the nature of the conflict of religions, in the German Empire. They reveal,' in their grasp and their sincerity, the inner conflict that confronts mankind. There is no soporific here, religion is no palliative, no means of comfort. Every line breathes an unwavering awareness of the demands of an Almighty and All-holy God, summoning all men and women to set on one side' all else to share in His conflict with the cruelty and guile of the powers of evil. "Here," cries Niemoller, "men are not striving With men— though it is a matter of life and death, and that is serious enough!—no, friends, the devil is here wrestling with the Redeemer for damnation and salvation." Many in England will learn from this book. a wholly new understanding of the meaning of religion. PUBLIC LIBRARIES BOOKS OF THE WEEK The City Librarian has chosen "The Land of Spices," by Kate O'Brien, as the book of the week, and has furnished the following review:— . Inspired by genuine religious feeling, this story of the development In a won^|iri?g;x;haracterj,is,.clpS(ely knit and illuminating. There *is incident in the book, but it is in the central character and, her state iof mind, her attitude .towards the community of which'she^ is Mother Superior, and towards the world at large, that the reader primarily finds his interest. A fine, sensitive type of mind, receiving just the& right stimulus at just the right ■ time' to lead to the adoption of a nun's vocation, the Reverend Mother's personality develops towards an austerity, not / without its own .beauty, which illuminates the community life and relieves it of much of the" stress and strain which can be present when many women are living at close quarters with each other. There is throughout a deep conviction and religious sincerity; but the book is in no sense propagandist. There are touches of humour, and the Rev. Mother's feeling for her father, a fine scholar with-whom she has renewed contact, and for a little girl whose character she influences and "moulds for good, takes the story to some extent beyond convent walls. While Miss O'Brien's book has little to offer in the way of excitement, it is a careful and sincere analysis of motive and of character, and has form | and beauty. Other titles selected from recent accession lists are as follows:— General: "Sons of Sindbab," by A. J. Villiers; "Dive Bomber," by P, A. Winter; "Comments and Characters," by J. Buchan. Fiction: "The Power of Women," by M. M. Price; "Waltzcontest," by B. Ruck; "Public Ghost No. 1," by A. Soutar. AN ANTI-NAZI The writer of "Help ,Us Germans to Beat the Nazis," one of the series of "Victory Books," is Heinrich Fraenkel, and he was given special facilities to enable him to do so while interned in the Isle oi Man. He makes various suggestions about the British treatment of Nazi prisoners, and he has some criticisms to make about British wireless propaganda. Throughout the book a distinction is drawn between the Nazis and the German people. Herr Fraenkel gives some account of the underground campaign now going on in Germany itself against the Nazis, but he recognises that not until the spell of the invincibility of the army hat. been broken by military defeat will the way be clear for the setting up of a more seemly system -The "German people" wil] then see lo it that there is not another Hitler "And 'the German people.1" Herr Fraenkel insists, "means the German workers and peasants, the middle classes, and the intellectuals sympa- ' ising with them and belonging to them." Herr Fraenkel's assumption is, perhaps, a large one when "the oeo ple's" responsibility for tolerating the Nazis in peace and sustaining them in war is borne in mind. ENEMY DAUGHTER One of the distressing problems of the war is brought to the front in a new book by Leonora Eyles, entitled "For My Enemy Daughter." published by Victor Gollancz. The author has a daughter who is-married to an Italian, and who thereby has become today an enemy of her country and her family. The book is an intimate account, in the form of letters, of what is happening in England and suggests radical changes to prevent the present tragedy recurring. j Other books from Gollancz include "Post D." in which John Strachey describes his experiences as an air-raid warden in Chelsea; and "Attack in Depth: Design for Victory," by Hugh Slater, written from the point of view that the technical machinery of war has developed in such a way as to make it perfectly possible for Britain to achieve the military defeat of Hitler. I

Visitor (speaking of family's youngest child: Yes. he has his mother's eyes. Mother: And his father's nose and chin. ' Youngster: And ray brother's pants When petrol rationing was first introduced a motorist had a 50-gallon tank of petrol as his reserve supply A friend advised him, as a safety precaution, to bury it. Accordingly the motorist instructed his gardener to dig a hole at the bottom of the garden and bury the petrol. After a time the gardener returned. "I buried the petrol," M said "What do you want done with the tank?" A deaf man was being married, and the minister asked the usual question: !"Do you take this woman for your lawful wife?" "Eh?" said the deaf man. ' "Do you take this woman for your lawful wife?" this time a bit louder. The groom seemed to get angry '•Oh, 1 don't knowl" he said. "She ain't so awful. I've seen wuss than her that didn't have as much money!" Magistrate: You are sentenced to pay a fine of ten guineas, plus five guineas costs. Have you anything to say? Offender: Rather. And if you'll promise not to increase the fine; I'll say it. Sergeant-Major (to recruit>: Smith, either get yer 'air cut for next parade or go an' draw a violin from the stores. "Darling, I think I'll have my fortune told. Would you advise me to go to a palmist or a mind reader?" "Better make it a palmist, dear. After all, you have got a palm." Old Lady (questioning Home Guard): And when you're on duty I suppose if anything moves, you shoot? . H.G>: Yes, lady, and if anything shoots, I move, It happened in a five- and ten-cent store. A female shopper weighing 2501b stepped on a penny scale! The scale, which needed adjustment, recorded 3001b. " The 2501b woman sizzled. She waddled '"over to'the store manager and grabbed him by the lapel. "I'm going to sue this store for fifty thousand dollars!" she threatened. "I stepped on your scale and it registered 3001b —when I know I weigh 250!" The manager attempted diplomacy. "Please, madam," he soothed, "if the scale is wrong, we'll gladly return your penny." . The 2501b woman shook her head angrily. "It isn't the idea of wasting a { penny."' she cried, "but that scale of yours gave everyone the impression that I'm fat!" The old coloured man had fought in the Cuban War and had drawn a pension ever since, While he was laboriously writing his name in the space for the payee, the bank clerk perkily remarked that it must be nice to draw a pension for life just for chasing a few Spaniards around. "Boss," replied Rastus. "you get me wrong. I wasn't the chaser; I was the chasee." The pretty girl was collecting for the local hospital, and to her delight was able to get hold of a famous film star who was visiting the town. She returned to the collecting office flourishing a cheque. "Just look what I've got!" she cried gaily. "A cheque from Mr. Blank for ten guineas!" "That's grand," said the secretary of the organisation, as he held out his i hand for the cheque. Then he added; "But there's no signature!" "Oh, I know," said the girl brightly. "I cut it off for my autograph collection!" Some boys had an arithmetic test set for them. The test should have lasted half an hour, so their teacher was very surprised to see one of the boys not working. Teacher: Tommy, have you finished? Tommy: Yes, sir. Teacher (kindly): Couldn't you look over them? Tommy (mournfully): There is only one to look over. . After the shipwreck a sailor was washed up on a lonely island in the tropics. Thinking himself the sole survivor, and full of dread that the island might be inhabited by cannibals, he went exploring. Presently he saw smoke ascending from a clump of shrubs, .lv.st as he was preparing to bolt, he heard a voice say: "Why the did you play that card?" "Thank Heaven —they're Christians!" he exclaimed joyfully. An Albanian was imprisoned by the Italians. He annoyed his captors intensely because he kept saying: "Anyway, the Greeks gave you a bashing at Koritza." One day the officer in charge of the prison camp took him aside and said: "Look here, if you'll be quiet I'll make i you an officer in the Italian army." I "0.X.," said the Albanian. Next day Mussolini visited them, shook hands with the Albanian,- and remarked: "So you are now an officer in the great Italian army?" "That's right,'" came the answer. "But, oh boy, whal a bashing those Greeks gave us at Koritza!" Mike: Well, Pat, how are you these days? Pat: Och, bad, mighty bad. 'Tis starvation staring me in the face. Mike: Faith and it can't be very pleasant for either of you. The char-a-banc, loaded with women, was about to start. Friend of driver passed. "UUo, Tom. fine morning; where be going'?" "To Burnham." "Be cc? Wait a minnit and I'll send my old 'oman." A close-fisted farmer served a local jhouse with three dozen eggs every I week. One week he found that he had inadvertently sent one extra. Determined not to lose on the deal he went to the house. The husband admitted him. The farmer stated his errand. j The householder was amused, but the farmer was adamant, j "Surely we're not going to quarrel lover a matter like that?" said the householder. "Let's have a drink to settle it. What will you have?" t "Ege and milk." said the farmer.

Reproduced by Permission of th.c,. Proprietors of "Punch."

"Yes, Mrs. Jones, it's true my husband, has left his job. in the bank. He thought it was his duty to enlist.' Anyway, he's burnt his bridges." "Oh, well, I shouldn't worry about that. They'll provide him with a uniform." A woman's voice was heard from the steps of a crowded car: "Oh, get in, dear; someone will give you a seal." The next moment two young women entered. The men in the car read papers sternly. Those who had none pretended to be asleep. The too-certain women glared in vain. . The car went on for half 'a mile, then a. man alighted. "There's a seat for one," said the conductor. "Don't take it, dear," said one young woman, "some man will want it." In the moment of defeat she triumphed. A motor-omnibus was travelling along tne street wnen it came abreast | of a hearse. At the same instant a small boy dashed across the road £rom the opposite pavement, narrowly escaped cne bus, and as nearly as possibly got run over by the hearse. But for the timely aid oi a passing pedestrian, who snatched the youngster from under the hoofs of tne horses, all would have been up witn him. The driver of the bus curnea to the driver of the hearse, with a look oi: withering reproof, and exclaimed: "Now, then, greedy! A minister, a widower with four grown-up daughters, was away from nome for a lew months, during which ne wroie regularly to his iaxnily. in one letter he mentioned that he had married a widow with a family oi six. The news created consternation in the household, and on his return he was ask.cd, anxiously, "Where's the widow you married, father?" "Oh! Didn't I mention it in my letter?" was the reply, "i married her to a confectioner in the place where i was staying." The managing director, sheltering from an air raid, fell into conversation with a seedy looking individual sitting next to him. "What's your line, guvnor," said the seedy one. "Advertising," said the director. "Lumme!" said his companion. "I'm in that line, too. "i'ain't too bad on the whole, but don't the straps hurt your shoulders!" A young man, after eight years' absence abroad, alighted at his numQ station, and, in spue of his expectations, there was no One there to meet him. He then caught sight of the station master, a friend since boyhood, To him at least he would be welcome, and he was about to extend a hearty greeting when the other spoke first. "Hello, George!" he said. "Goin' away?" The class had been instructed to write an essay on winter. Before they began the teacher gave them a few hints, and among other things he suggested that they might introduce a short paragraph on migration. One child's attempt read as follows: "In winter it is very cold. Many old people die in winter and many birds also go to a warmer climate." A young officer stationed "Somewhere in the East," put his foot in it badly with his girl friend in this country. Recently he wrote her saying he had shot a crocodile seven feet long, and added, "When I shoot another I will get my native servant to make you a pair of slippers." "There's an unexploded bomb buried here," said the A.R.P. chief as he posted a warden, "probably weighing a ton. Just keep an eye on things, and blow your whistle if anything happens." "0.X.," replied the warden, "but do I blow it going up or coming down?" Sergeant (after war game): Private, I don't you realise you were exposing yourself to an imaginary enemy only 250 yards away?" Private: That's all right, sergeant. I was standing behind, an imaginary rock 25 feet high. Mussolini is 57. It is to be hoped that there will be no more varieties of him. "What's the difference between an English girl and an American girl?" "I durum" "The Atlantic Ocean, of course.' They had been dining in state in the dining car. -Husband who is a teacher of English, was t>laci thai lime daughter had behaved so perteciiy. Mother also was in a happy frame o( mind. There wei-e numerous other diners in the car. and the parpnts were proud of their child, Not a single thinia had happened to mar the serenity of the occasion. Finally the meal was over, and they started to leave the car Their way took them past all ni the other tables. Suddenly the tittle girl felt impelled to ask a quesiion "Mother," she called in a shrill voice, "aren't we eoing to wash the dishes?" Mother: Johnny, on your way home from school stop at the grocer's and get me a'pennyworth of sweets and a bar of soap. Father (alter Johnny had gone): What do you want with a pennyworth of sweets? Mother: I want him to remember the soap The Countess was a kind of feminine Gay Lothario, and had innumerable livers during her long lifetime.- —i (Daily pappr.) One is quite enough for us! ) Taxi-driver <to cabby who has fouled him): Why don Tver bring yer mother ahi to 'elp yer 'old the 'ops; on 'er feet? Cabby: Bring me mother aht, indeed, while there's sich fives as yours knockiri' abahl the streets? Not me! I don't want tor 'aye the old gal frightened ler death—she's bin a good mother ter me! Scene: A servants' registry office Dyspeptic-looking Person: My narnei is Piffle—Mr. William Pi Hie. Thisj establishment supplied my wife with a conk Insl week. Registrar: Quite right. Mr Pi (Tie. Dyspeptic-looking Person: Well, I would like you to come and dine with us this • evening. I