POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXX, Issue 129, 27 November 1940, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGS

i Disillusioned Italian soldier crooning: "I'm going home ... no more to Rome!" -«■ «" ■» "Admirer of Col. 8": Why not Mr. Bodkin for the National leadership? He usually pulls things through. •- •» * Fun in the news (South African daily): "Ten years after they were • married they had thsir first chill." * a » It only requires San Marino to tie up with the Axis gang and Winston Churchill will set out for the tall timber. * * # E.L.: To the Nazi the most incredible thing about the incredible English is the fact that the State pays the head of the Opposition instead of. putting him to death. * . * '■ * HEARD THIS ONE? The British Tommy was chatting to his German prisoner. "And what will you do when tha war is over?" he inquired. "Oh," said the German, "I'll tour Germany on my bicycle." "And what will you do in the afternoon?" asked his captor. ; * •■ * * THE DARDANELLES PLUM. Molotov Homer sits in a corner Watching his Christmas pie. Says to Hitler: "Your thumb May pull out the plumb; I'll get it again by and by." (And below his breath): "It's a d sight too hot for I." B. B. RHYMER. * ' «■ . •» INFORMATION-DEPARTMENT. In reply to "C.S.": (1) The last company to play "Rip Van Winkle" in Wellington was headed by the late John L. Hall as Rip; produced at the old Theatre Royal in the middle eighties. (2) "Uncle Tom's Cabin" was played at the old Opera House ([now Regent) in the late nineties, headed by Harry Thomas as Uncle Tom and Fanny Wiseman as Topsy. While' on the subject of old theatrical mummers it would be interestingl . to know that the late John L. Hall's youngest son is a minister of the Methodist Church, and now stationed at Takapuna, Auckland. His son, • ' Flying Officer Willoxall, a: photo of whom appeared in the illustrated page of the "Evening Post" some weeks ago,, left shortly after for "somewhere." OLD MAC. * * * "A VOICE FROM ST. HELENA.". Dear Mr. Flage.—l'm a newcomer toi "this enchanted isle" of yours, and, since my arrival in its capital city, have derived much pleasure and interest from the perusal of Column 8, and always endeavour to obtain my copy of "The Post" as soon after 2.30 as possible. Now let's come down to brass tacks. I agree with your contributor "L.D.A." in what he states under the caption "Much Unlike" in today's issue, and would refer your contributor "Q"" to a book entitled "A Voice From St. Helena." I think the author^ is Dr. . Barry O'Meara, who was physician to Napoleon during his exile on the island of St. Helena. Wishing you all the f best, and may Column 8 continue to : maintain its popularity. * , Yours, etc., , TOM MEY." ' * ■■*..'■*.- ---\ LIQUOR ADVERTISING. ' The following advertisement of a firm ! of leading American distillers appeared • currently in various magazines ana i newspapers: . No person should spend a cent iou liquor until the necessities of living are " provided—and paid for. Bills for r groceries, clothes, rent, light, heat, aoci tors, have the first call on America's ' Pawe don't want to sell whisky to ' anyone who buys it at a sacrifice o£ the necessities of life. Whisky is a! • luxury and should be treated as such. £ Fine whisky can play a pleasing part ■«- > in the scheme of gracious living . . . 3 but only when taken in moderation and > only after the bills are paid ; This statement may seem contrary ten » our self-interest. Actually it is not, - As one of America's leading distillers i we recognise a definite social respoiw 3 sibility. The very existence of legaU t ised liquor in this country depends - upon the civilised manner m which it i is consumed. In the long run, we be- - lieve, it is good business for us to say; r "pay your bills first." I*. * *

ETIQUETTE. It seems to be the. fashion now To make a scapegoat of the cow By labelling all things malign The epithet denoting Mne; This stigma heaped upon the head. Of such an honest quadruped Is certainly unwarranted, Insulting, and ungrateful too, _ For what on earth would mankind ao Without the comforts she supplies? Boots, butterfat and otherwise— 'Tis most ungallant to deride A lass with such a usefulhide! The cow with all her dairy woes A bovine benison bestows, A debt that even baby owes; So when the Hitler-Musso gang Deserve a dose of common slang Instead of linking her fair name With modern monsters of ill-fame, Would those who itch to tell them now1 Refrain from libelling the cowAddress these gents as—sow and sow. H.G Island Bay. * * * A LITL LAIT RIHDINK. In 1915 the Germans produced a little handbook for the use of their soldiery, on landing in England. It is headed "Gott Strafe England," and here are some of the phrases likely to be required by Hitler's invaders (comments the "National Review," London). On landing, the German soldier will ask: the countryman in the lane:_ ■ "Do juh spihk dschormen? ' (That is, "Do you speak German?'') On the countryman probably not responding, the next remark is: "Ahr juh aut of! szis neberhud? Is sze willedsch pkjupaid bai soldjers? ■ This is immediately followed by: "Juh ahr a spai. If juh trai tv ron, aweh juh uilTbih schott, Kom mhrer. Tel*"1 7e lihd. "Khi)j sailensz. Juh haw to ansyer ohnli tun. mai kwastchens. Wott isz juhr nehm? Wott ahr juh duink szahr? Haw juh ani letters or ani pehpers wisz juh? Tekh off juh bunts. Ondresz juhr. Kot juhr laining. Empti juhr pockets." So much for what the countryman may expect from the German soldier, but when we come to requisitioning for the troops the German lets himself go: t "Ui ahr fohr rekwisischen in szis willedsch, szohr. Rait daun wott vi uont. Twenti oksen; fohr hondred piks: faif hondred kworts off milk; siks hondred paunds off flaur; szeven hondred sohlted harrings; cht hondred paunds off behken; and naiii hondred szoszidsch.es." The refrain all through is: •'lff aur orders ahr nott obehd juh' uill be arrasted asz a hostedsch," and probably "schott.''