POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXX, Issue 127, 25 November 1940, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

SY PERCY FLAGS

Copack: Manners don't count if they are only gestures. * * * In Egypt day after day goes And still no sign of the Dagoes. WELLS. *' * * Explorer's "I love you": "I've just decided to take a job in West Africa ... in a part called the White Woman's Grave." * » ■ * Not every woman can be married, but every man can. There is always some woman who will marry him. PHELPS. * * ■ * INQUIRY BUREAU. ! Dear Percy Flage,—Could any of your readers give the name of the last company to play in Wellington the following plays:—"Rip Van Winkle, "Uncle Tom's Cabin." Also who took the leading parts. Kind regards, C.S. * ■ # * SCHNITZELBANK. A German music hall comddian was recently arrested for literally saying nothing. His incarceration followed closely on the heels of an appearance on the stage during which he said not a word. After a few minutes of this the audience became restless, and demanded that he speak. Still the silence continued. Finally they threatened to call the police. The comedian exclaimed: "Is silence also verboten?" He is still waiting for the answer in the Oranienburg concentration camp. * * * CORRECTION. Dear Percy Flage,—l fear your information department needs an overhaul as the answer to V.M.D. in Thursday's "Post" is misleading— The young lady is right—V.M.D. should pay up. The Archbishop of Canterbury, whom I have the honour to know, is certainly a good Catholic, and if he had not been one, would not have crowned the King. He is not a Roman Catholic. Magna Carta (1215) claims "that the Church of England shall be free and have her rights inviolate. .. ." British or English bishops have Had the crowning of our Kings from ages past, though Mary (known, as "Bloody") refused to use the Stone of Jacob and sat on a chair for her ceremony, blessed by the Bishop of Rome. Other Kings and Queens were all crowned in the Church of England. Before the great split, Roman bishops, if visiting England, would undoubte.dly have been honoured guests at any coronation. Yours, etc., A.F. « * • THE TAX MOANER. It's getting very hard to live in parlous times like these, No longer we of freedom boast —we simply do a freeze. Penny stamps are twopence now, a fact we all well know, And the very air itself is taxed to pay our radio. You pay two shillings in the pound on all you daily earn. And then the tax machine man gives the screw anotheriturn. ... ■ It seizes on your, income which it slaughters with an axe, And master minds are planning now to, tax your income tax. They tax you on your petrol, and they tax you on your car, And tax your very patience, till you don't know where you are. They tax your life's investments and they tax you on your shares — To petition Government is in vain, they do not heed your prayers. The Tax Department G-men, like the German Gest-apo, Are seeking for a method for to tax the debts you owe. The Government's behind them in everything they do, And you'll feel a well-plucked chicken before'they've done with you. Come all you tax-tired' heroes, come, let us form a gang, And swear with me this solemn oath, "All tax G-men shall hang." Then we'll make a heaven of our own and climb the golden stairs, And then when our tomorrow comes we'll all be millionaires. GRAN-POP. Petone. * * * . . SIMON SHORT'S SON SAMUEL. | The following alliteration is by the pen of an American, neai^y fifty years ago, and is worth reprinting:— Shrewd Simon sewed shoes. Sixteen successive summers saw Simon's small shabby shop still standing staunch; sawSimon's self-same squeaking sign still swinging, silently specifying: "Simon Short, Smithfield's soul-surviving shoemaker; shoes soled superfinely." Saw Simon's sedulous spouse, Sally Short, stitching sheets, stuffing sofas; saw1 Simon's six sturdy sons, Saul, Stephen, Silas, Seth, Shadrach, Sam, selling sundries. Sam sold Sally's stuffed sofas. Some six summers since Sam spied Sophia Saphonia Spriggs somewheresweet, smart, sensible Sophia Saphonia Spriggs. Soon Sam showed strange symptoms —sighed sorrowfully, seemed singularly silent. , "Strange," said Simon, "strange Sam should slight such splendid sales." "Softly, sire, softly," s/tid Sally. "Sam's smitten; Sam's spied some sweetheart somewhere." "Sam's smitten!" snarled Simon, "Sam's smitten! Stop such stuff!" Simon sent Sally's snuff-box spinning, smashed Sally's spectacles, scattered several silver spoons. "Strutting spendthrift! Senseless simpleton! Sam's stupidity shall stop!" Soon Sally saw Sam sauntering slowly shopward. so summoning, she spoke sweet sympathy. "Sam," she said, "since sire seems so singularly snappy, i seem sprightly, seek some sweet spouse, | Sam; seek Sophia, she's suitable, she's I sensible, she's sure. Seek Sophia speedily." "So soon, so soon?" said Sam, standing stock still. "So soon, surely," said Sally, "since sire shows such spirit." So Sam strolled slowly soliloquising: "Short — Spriggs — Sophia Saphonia Spriggs. Sam Short's spouse. Sounds splendid. Suppose she should say she shan't?" Soon Sam surprised Sophia starching shirts. Sam stammered shockingly. "S-s-s-s-plendid s-s-summer s-s-s-sea-son, S-sophia,' said Sam. "Splendid, Sam," said Sophia, smiling, i Sophia's sprightliness stimulated Sam. strangely, so Sam suddenly spoke sentimentally: "Silvery songsters shall sing soul-soothing strains; starry summer skies shall " Sophia snickered, so Sam stopped. "See sister Susan's sunflowers," said Sophia, socially scattering such silence. "Sophia." said Sam, "Sam Short's sincere. Sam seeks some sweet spouse. Stop smiling so! Speak, sweetheart! Sam seeks Sophia! Say, seeks Sam successfully?" Sophia, still smiling, said: "Seek Squire Spriggs, Sam." So Sam sought Squire Spriggs.. Squire Spriggs said "SARTIN.'.'