POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIX, Issue 34, 9 February 1940, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Obviously the U.SA. Government is suspicious as to what is at the back of the "Christian Front." » * . ♦ ■ . Apparently your average New Zealand Communist thinks the U.S.S.R. is a great place—to stay away from. * * *■■■■■ Well, there is one most pleasing thing about this war. Those fit, single young New Zealanders who do not volunteer will be available to accept the jobs of the married men who ar» killed in action. OMADHAUN. PROVIDENTIAL. Dear Flage,—The following gem i» from a recent "Reader's Digest":— At a particularly loud clap of thunder, a lady walking along a London street involuntarily and visibly started. "It's all right, lidy," said a passinj urchin—"lt ain't Mtler—it's Gawd." JAY JAY. * . * * ■•'■'. PRO PATRIAYouth's Answer?—or—Youth's Riddlet To be a little hero, Or, with pathetic fiddle, To be a little Nero? Can any schoolmaster tell vi whether our school kids still fight each other, as of yore, or whether the spirit of pacifism has spread t* the youngsters' playing fields? LEO. * « ♦ ANOTHER TOUGH VETERAN. Dear Sir, —After reading your column tonight regarding the elderly joy riders on the "cyclone," I should like to mention Mr. Thos. William Nalder, of Nelson, who is 86 years and 7 months of age, and has also enjoyed the thrill of the "cyclone." At present on holiday in Auckland he very often walks from, Herne Bay to the city, and enjoys the exercise. Next week he is flying from Auckland to Wellington, and will probably enjoy many more happy hours at the Exhibition before returning t© his home. EJ3.N. ■«■ «• * INQUIRY BUREAU. ' Dear Flage,—Do any of youi* readers remember Basil Radford, who appeared' here in a mystery play ia the late 19205? He was seen recently in the picture "The Lady Vanishes* (he was the taller of the two Englishmen), and I would be grateful for any information as to his career. Best of luck to your admirable column. LEANDER. . "Grognard" asks: (1) The origin of the term "poilu," and (2) did America have her own bands on the Western Front in the last war? We shall look those matters up for you, "Grumbler": which is "Grognard* Anglicised. ■» * ♦ INTIMATION. Old Soldier Offering Again: We can quite understand your feelings: "unconscious irony" hits off that photograph display, but it's another of our untouchables. H.: Here again is something which constrains us to play safe. E.H.W. ("191^-1918"): We prefer th« first stanza— ' • - He died that we might live in peace. He fought for Freedom, not for fame. Yet on New Zealand's roll of honour Stands inscribed our hero's name.; A.L.P.: Cannot quite see the point. Marlene: We haven't the slightest idea as to when the awards in the Centennial literary competition will be made public. Fitz.: "Another Bouquet" goes into our most intimate pigeon-hole, along with some relatives, whence a pleasing aroma emerges occasionally, .; Letitia Leaman: Neatly said, but dangerously loaded. * ♦ * . ROBBERY ON THE HIGH SEAS. A ship put into Aberdeen to replace a hand. There were two applicantsone from Kirkcaldy (the lang toon) with many excellent references; the other from Dundee, with a good conceit of himself, but no references. Both were likely looking men, and the captain Was in a quandary as to whom to choose, and finally engaged both. The man from Dundee was much offended that there should have been any doubt as to his superior qualifications. However, the voyage was resumed, and in a few days a strong gale sprang up. A squall struck the vessel. She gave a vicious lurch, and the man from Kirkcaldy, who was crossing the deck with a bucket in his hand, was swept overboard and drowned. The only eye-witness was the man: from Dundee. He went to the captain. "Say, skipper," said he, "D'ye mind that man frae Kirkcaldy, wi* the references as lang as the High Street?* "Aye, what 'o him?" asked the skipper. "Umphl He's awa' wi' yer bucket!* B.R.C. * •» * SALES SUBTLETY. The little Chines^ woman sold . To me some apricots of gold; They must be gold, for when I asked The price of apricots for jam. She said, while turning fruit around, "Apico on'y siepen pound." ■ . •■. And when I cried, "Oh, Mrs. Tong, you must, you must indeed be wrongr She smiled so devastatingly, And said, "How many you want, eh? You want sic pound, eh, sic pound dot I make them fypen pound to you!" 0 clever, clever Mrs. Tang! 1 took the precious things along, Reflecting, as I shielded them From bumps and bruises on the way, How wiles of modern salesmanship Tempt the unwary ones to slip, "Fypen to you"! That charming* srntlv. Such artlessness, such artful guile! She moans not as do Western folk Of profits now reduced to naught; Her troubles must not trouble you. "Fyen to you"! Soft smiles. She knew! .GEE EEE PEE. ..*. * • * NOMENCLATURE. The names with which parents saddle their innocent children, exclaims Lionel Hale, in the "News Chronicle." My colleague, going through the Ministry of l Labour records at Kew of 27,000,000 workers, once produced a fascinating list. There was, for example, Mr. Original Bugg- Other choice specimens were: Ephraim Very Ott. Himalaya Mackay, Nimrod Boggs, East Lynne, Vanity Fair, Morning Dew, Rusty Brown, and Adam Smart Offlcer, not to mention 48 Charlie Chaplins. French law on this point is designed to protect the defenceless child. There is an official list of permitted names, but it is an ample list, embracing beauties like Theoprepides, Thessalonice, and Abaldesque. Amongst the long Biblical circumambulatory names so proudly carried by the Puritans was If-Jesus-Christ- had-not-died- for-thee- thou» hadst-been'damned Higgins. He wat, however, known simply as "Damned Higgins;" • 7 v