POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVIII, Issue 15, 18 July 1939, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

That old-school-tie melee at Lord. was indubitably not cricket. There's no chance of Japan punching Britain on the nose because -she has her hands full as it is. Earl McCready's opponent last evening must be rated one of the most open-handed. matme'n in the game. No, Melisande, The lecture on Mars tonight has nothing to do .with the Plunket Society. HENRY. * «:- -„ Whoozit.— On hearing that New Zealand was a land flowing with milk and honey, a friend of mine set sail for that delectable place, but what did h/i find? The milk had gone sour. And have you heard of the man who should have the stomach to kick So-and-So in the pants? WHAT A LIFE! Gil. and Sull. sent this note: The Portugal newspaper "Secculo* reports that Alvaro Esteva, a Snanish manufacturer with insurgent sympathies, played dead in Malaga Cemetery; for two whole months. Mr. Esteva hid in an empty coffin in the family tomb to escape Government troopers during Government domination of the seaport. He emerged when the insurgents took the town. Each night, said Mr. Esteva, he heard ehe screams of persons being executed in the graveyard. He subsisted on food his sisters concealed in wreaths which they laid each day upon graves. His hair, jet black two months ago, turned a snowy white. P.S. (ours).—Then there is an Arkansas gentleman who has slept in his capacious coffin (handles and all) for the last seven years without discoin- . fort or the jitters. BRAIN-TEASERS. Quite a number of solutions. F.C. (Northland) managed both problems without any difficulty. This newcomer thinks our No. l's are just too easy, but the car names were a challenge to him. Sammy also worked out Nos. 1 and 2. He adds: Mrs. Sammy says that motor-cars ain't fair, and she waxed quite huffy about—— (the seventh). Arsenic Arnold, sen., is awarded full marks for No. 1, but crashes on the eighth of No. 2. Thanks for those jumbled names, A.A.. The following made the grade in each case: Polaire, Gray., W.T., Gasmask, M., Paul and Peter (Marton), J.G. (thanks for that arithmetical teaser), Tellus, and G. Those who clued out No. 2: Carlos (Brooklyn), Carl (that's a coincidence), Belsize (be careful!), and T.F. So long for now. INFORMATION DEPT. In reply to Social Service (Paraparaumu), who sought some particulars concerning that outstanding philanthropist the late Dr. Barnardo. It was only by the- merest chance that Dr. Barnardo lived to carry out his great work for England's waifs and strays. His biographer (J. W. Bready) wrote: "When two years old he was smitten by" a serious illness,, and after lingering for weeks on Eternity's brink, he finally was pronounced dead By two physicians. The coffin actually was in the house, and the undertaker was embalming the body for burial - when, to his amazement, he discovered a flutter of the heart. The "corpse' was alive!" The great crusade began when Barnardo found in mean streets and alleys near the Billingsgate fish market youths of all ages "sleeping under , tarpaulins and in barrels and crates. . He collected in a short time 73 lads, whose ages ranged from seven to seventeen by offering them a penny - each and a free meal. About that ; time Barnardo hoped to become a '. medical missionary in China. . -"- * ■» LIMERICKS. (Merely some Ifs and Anns.) There was a fair maid, Anna Gonda, Greatly given to wine and to wander; She turned out, alas! lJust a snake in, the grass, Which gave all her boy friends to ; ponder. There was a young lass, Ana Aesthetic, Whose old face was sad and ascetic; But she straight had it lifted By a surgeon most gifted, Who finished up fagged and phrenetic. Sophisticate, suave Ann Imosjty, Set such a hot pace, her. velocity Had the lads young and old Go}ng hot and then cold At her pulchritude, blague, and pre- - cocity. Introducing the lady, Ann Ciliary, Who loved furbelows and fine friliery; She spent money like waterQuite becoming the daughter Of parents who owned a distillery. Meet-the dashing and swift Ann I*. Gesia, ' She was fair and as frail as a freezia; She played golf for a while, But then turned, with a smile, • To "necking": she found it much-easier. OURSELVES. ASTONISHING. PEOPLE. (The Stone-eater.) * I do not say you must take this story with a pinch of salt, because, so far as I know, salt is wasted oh .stones. I merely mention the salt because I want you to understand that I do not-, ask you to believe what I have to say about my friend, Francis Battalia. All I know is that what is said about him was at one time believed to be true in every detail. He lived in the seventeenth century, having his portrait sketched by Hollar in 1641; and though you may not credit what I say of him, he was sufficient of a curiosity to make a stir in his day. For they say he was bom with a little stone in one of his hands and two small stones in the other.. Within the first year of his life he was scorning the food of kings and crying out for hard pebbles, little stones half the.size of a piece of cube sugar, and these he swallowed '.with.' great gusto, washing them down—-I quote an old authority—with a draught' of beer. So it went on. There have been many stone-eaters—one who appeared in the Strand in London in 1788, and another who appeared in tlie Haymarke.t in 1790. But my friend Francis is the most astonishing of all. He lived all his life on stones and nothing but stones —except a pipe of tobacco. He was hearty and strong. He ' never had much trouble so far as health was concerned. He would sit down to eat half a peck of little pebbles every day in the year, drinking his beer and smacking his lips, and saying how tasty they were. He had immensely strong teeth. His throat was wider than-most men's. After a good dinner you could hear him rattling the stones inside shaking them up and down when he ' walked—a most uncanny sound, I declare. Francis went a-soldiering in Ireland. He made plenty of money. He lived well and died content. That is his story. I know no more