POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVII, Issue 121, 25 May 1939, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGS

Chronicle and Comment

"Galaxy."—"Shorry I'm late, dear; been beerfully fizzy at the office." * « « Reported that the incidents between German and Polish officials at Kalthof have been liquidated. We wonder who paid for the drinks. * * * "Bindy."—A cable from Warsaw advises me that on account of the windy state of the Polish Corridor, most of the little ladies of that city are Danz-ig with fears in their eyes! . .- • * • Henry.—By special request, Japan will not invade. New Zealand on a Saturday. Has not Mr. Savage an- ! nounced that sports on that day will i not be interfered with by training for the military reserve? *.*■ ' * . i PATHETIC PROPINQUITY. Tonight's "Post," page 5, an adver* tisement for "All Quiet on the Western Front"— "Let your children see what their fathers did in the cause of peace!" ' And directly underneath: "Recon> mended by Censor for Adults." So what? ' KILBIRNIE MINISTER OF "INTERNAL AFFAIRS." * « » WHY? I listen to the "Easy Aces" Without throwing things or pulling ; faces, When "Fu Man Chu" is on the air I do not groan or tear my hair. To nothing do I take exception— Even the' results of the last election. In fact, this is the only thing: Why make dear "Annie Laurie" swing? DUTCHY'S DAUGHTER, *«. ■ * ■ SCOTS AND PORRIDGE^ Writes "Scotia": —Being Scotch to the backbone and having been brought up x on "the halesome parritch, Chief o' Scotia's food," as Rabble Burns sings, it is news to.me <to learn that the reason why it is not eaten with sugar or syrup is because our country; is so poverty-stricken (vide the "Manchester Guardian").' I am , sure the' writer is in error, for there was always plenty of sugar on our breakfast table, but •'it was never used to sprinkle over our porridge, as that would have been, according to a learned professor, to spoii the taste. .*..*. ■*. ■ SOMETHING FOR NOTHING. Dear FJage,-—lf the lawyers have a maxim, as we are told, which meansthat "out of ■ nothing nothing comes," then on the same principle "out of something something comes"; but it is inconceivable to describe that which comes as "nothing,", when it really denotes "something." The lawyers have therefore "unconsciously twisted the meaning of words to give .them a fallacious expression, and the tw.ist must be taken out of. them so that they will bear their. natural meaning. —Yours truly, • SOMETHING* .' '.« : * ' « ■ INFORMATION DEPARTMENT. In reply to "Nearly _ a Shareholder": (1) :S.o far ; .as- r we : kno\v, no Tung oil. has yet "been produced in New Zealand. What prospect the future holds for the industry here only the experts can say. (2) For many years China ha 3 enjoyed a virtual monopoly in supplying the world with wood oil. In the pre-war year of 1936 it netted China £18,000,000, and since the war it has become one of China's main sources of foreign exchange. It may interest our inquirer to be told that the present conflict may change the identity of China's national flower—the pink plum blossom, which fills the early spring air with fragrance, and appeals strongly to the poetic and aesthetic sense of the Chinese people. It is already in the air that the Tung tree blossom shall be made China's national flower. At least in one province— Kwangsi— this is now an accomplished fact. "Just Curious" (Lyall Bay).—The English Derby and the: Oaks were initiated by Edward Stanley, the twelfth Earl of Derby, in 1780. The Oaks are so called from an estate of Stanley's near Epsom named "The Oaks." By the way, the name of the classic is pronounced Darby, that of the town and county Durby. MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. I've 'card the call from 2YA An' will I tell my country nay? By all the blood what's in my veins, Not countin' 'eavy lorss or gains, By all ,the stars what shine at night By all the sun-'n'-moon so bright, I wodden let Noo Zealand down For any earthly rolled-gold .crown. I'd even sacerfice my Bill, - - _ What doesn't sound too good, but still I stand for the last "bob" ah'-man Becos I know no better plan To 'old our own if war should come, Beatin' death's lemoncholy drum, Playin' red 'ell with all that's dear, (The shortes' day will soon be 'ere), An tearin' down the nation who M.J. 'as built for me-'n'-you. I'd love,to be a Hammerzon, Who, dearie, in the past n6w gone Fought for their country tooth-'n'-nau, Like dryhards in a wild, wet gale, Or mermaids plungin' in the dark To straddle-ride the tiger shark. That's 'ow I feel. I'll -nqt stand by, Ringin' me 'ands an' cry-'n'-cry, When the word comes for me to go To fight the flamin' furren foe. You needen fret—l'll do my bit Once I 'aye got my wartime kit, Which I expec' will look like those Such as them nice p'licewomen'* clothes, What brings one's figger into viewThat sorter thing will do me, too, , Bern' not vain, but stout-'n'-strong . , • Well. I'll jest 'aye to lope along. « ■» « GOURMAND. Dear Flage —The following story regarding the recent Government loan is not so dusty. A local bank manager recently phoned a client, a wool farmer, and asked him to call, as he wished to speak to him. The w.f. had visions of having to reduce his overdraft, but made a hasty visit to the parlour of the b.m., who invited him to be seated, and then informed him that the Government was issuing the .§4,500,000 lo ,i and he wished to know if the w,f. cared to subscribe anything towards it. W.E. replies: Well, sir, you know the only money I have is what I receive on overdraft from' you. How can I invest in Government loans? 8.M.: That's all right, my dear Mr. W.F., we will advance you the money at 3 per cent., you will receive a return of over 4 per cent, from the Government, and will thus make a profit of at least 1 per cent, on the transaction. I W,F.: JThat sounds pretty good. 8.M.: Well, then, how much do you think you would like? W.F.: Oh, I dunno. Think I'll take the b lot! ...... (Loan immediately over-subscribed) i but b.m. goes into deep swoon.—Your* faithfully, ~ , G. J. BILIJNGHURST, . Wanganui, ,