POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVII, Issue 112, 15 May 1939, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGB

And after Mother's Day, washing day! . . ,-. :.'

As one of our contemporaries didn't say: Hitler's utterances can be taken at their volte face value. * ♦ #

No, Melisande. We are advised that in the event of a Mediterranean war the Swiss navy will remain strictly neutral. . ■

Bindy.—There are many women ill India who, on receiving periodically a parcel of rupees from this far-flung outpost of Empire, thank all the gods they worship that their, bottle-gathering husbands still retain their sax appeal! # • •

From a Press clipping bureau oversea:. A subsidy is paid for every kea parrot killed in New Zealand. Thif bird prays on sheep. Prays for what? •*. ♦ . : ■'•'•■ FREAK OF FATE. Heard this one? An American negro cut his leg with an axe. He was running for help when he trod on a snake, which bit him. Dashing away . from the reptile he was bitten by a dog. He was placed in an ambulance, which on the way to hospital collided with another ambulance. Both caught fire, and the negro was burned to death. Can anyone better that? » • * # ♦ FACETIAE. News item: An importer, whose business was practically wiped out by the import control restrictions, has decided . to open a jelly factory in Wellington —from worse to wobbly! "L," stands for Learner and Lookout! Father is in the study, mother is in th* hall, ■.'. I therefore make these thumbmarlcs on the parlour wall. Long after I've been whipped the pain will wear away, But the thumbmarks oh the parlour, wall will stay and stay and stay. R.R. Wanganui. • .■■■ ■'. • ' .'.•... • ' '■' -•■ ■ • .;' . STAR-GAZING. ■ Dear P., —Excuse pencil. This is too, good to wait, and I'll forget. Scene: In the guards room and a number! having kai oh the early shift. This , beautiful early morning was mentioned and one read that five planets were' visible^ Someone (me) said Jupiter and Venus were wonderful. (They are;, get up one morning and have a look.) Someone else said, "What are they?" Explanation followed, and he said: "I thought they were horses." Later, I asked, "Ever -heard of Peter Bell?" He said, "No; is it a trotter?" It seemed amusing then, and in retrospect still more so. More strength to Col. 8. . MASS OBSERVER, Mayik '■"■■ ' ; '■■ -; , BRAIN TEASER. ; : Last week a number of Postscripters; remarked on the easy nature o| the brain teasers. . . . No. 2 in especial. We studiedly made the jingle problem obvidus^♦mippster"—"coster").*- Last Saturday we made the tests more baffling, with the result that only one' solution reached us on Saturday even-, ing: Margaret of Kelburn rang about supper time with the correct answer to No. 2. It was a quiet night for. us; so much so, that we thought our usual clients' had gone fishing, or something. It was possible, of course, that they' found the teasers more difficult than, usual; neither could be said to be^ easy. However, there it is. Margaretl of Kelburn stood alone. Nice work. While we. waited for calls, we read spasmodically, and reflected on our ignominious scores during the afternoon out Paremata way. Our iron 3 simply wouldn't behave; we have never handled a more recalcitrant set of clubs. We shall have to tame them somehow. :

MARS RISING. Oh, won't you be a soldier, to defend your native land, _ To wear a swanky uniform and maren behind a band? / / It rouses all your ;• fighting-fire, to hear the pounding drum; You only wish an enemy would hurry up and come! You feel as own blood-brothers the comrades at your side, ~; ■ . On your commanding officer you look with love and pride; _ ' And oh, the girls adore you!. It melts their hearts away . . To hear your martial music so valorous and gay. • They feel you will defend^ then*— wounds and death you will <tefy. To guard them from the horror tftat may darken soon the sky. _ _ ; The pacifists may shudder, and their hands they well may wring. As they watch your weapons flashing',. while in rhythmic line you swing.; The pacifists are good folk; their hearts are kind and true, , But exactly what in war-time do they propose to do? "Our friends the enemy," you know, are not inclined that way— They come like eagles swooping downon little lambs at play. _ Perhaps it may be just as well we should ourselves prepare, With every circumstance of war, ere they arrive by air. . BROLLIES. Writes "Wandering Willie":. I am .so interested in the Chamberlain brolly that when I came across; this_par dealing with parish umbrellas I thought yelrsago the clergy were supplied with an umbrella %*f*J. use when conducting funerals. Oneof the earliest mentions .°* umbrella is to be found in the accounts of the church of St. Nicholas. NewC^m° n'SiTi7r an umbrella for the fhoSas Melburne for charges about ye umbrella 0.2. U. Wrfxham has an original rendering of the word. In the.churchy accounts for April 2, 1742, is the entry.— PaS William. Wright for an UrnAi'wakefiSd ttie umbrella seems to have been a luxurious affair, treated with the greatest respect. Its original Tost was £2, and a box and the carriage for its transit was 4s. But the expensed of the umbrella did not cease with these terms. It was apparently placed in the charge of one Dame Lofthouse to tend and dust and preserve from moth and rust, 'and she seems to have made from its custody quite a considerable little income, receiving, as will be seen from the following'extracts, 10s per annum as its custodian and 5s whenever it was used: — '■■.."* 1770 Jan. 2nd Dame Lofthouse for bringing out the umbrella 55,.. May 26th Dame Lofthouse \ year for umbrella £0 5s Od. An umbrella bought at Cranbrook, Kent, in 1783 for y l2s had to be replaced in 1786 with another, for which ,15s was given..