POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVII, Issue 91, 19 April 1939, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Bindy.—Believe it or not, but I met a joker who thought that the Bren carrier was a new breed of pigeon. * * *

Roper, the Hollywood electrician who faced up to Joe Louis, got the shock of his life.

Some people have ttiinking caps, but lots of others just talk through their hats.

No, Melisande. Knocked-down. car* are not the result of. collisions with irate - pedestrians. # * ♦

"Attaboy."—Pay up! It was Goebbels who said: "A fat belly counts less from a historical viewpoint than a cannon."

That old saying, "Once bitten, twice shy," appears in the Chinese records as "You can substitute a turnip for aa egg only once."

Robert West: Nothing is easier than fault-finding. No talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character are required to. set up in the grumbling business. • * * SA-TIRADE. The Cappicade, this year's revue, Shows Adam's trip in Wonderland; 'Twould still amuse and be more trut Were Adam seen in Blunderland. ANON. • ♦ • INFORMATION DEPARTMENT. Dear Percy Flage,—Could you oblige me with the following information per medium of your column:—Are there any miniature rifle clubs in Wellington which hold their weekly shoots on either Saturday or Thursday nights? If so, could you let me know the address of the person with whom it would be necessary to get in touch re joining. Thanks in anticipation. Wishing you and your column the success deserved. S.R.V. v The Municipal Miniature Rifle Club meets every Thursday night at the Winter Show Grounds. You will ba welcome if you call there. • * • RETORT DISCOURTEOUS.

One of the bitterest retorts I heard during the war was when we were moving up to take our positions for the Messines stunt.

It was pitch dark and we were all laden down with the impedimenta 6f war—in Indian file—with an occasional gas shell falling amongst us to cheer us up. We were passing a V.M.C.A. hut when a cheery voice hailed us from the darkness: "Well, boys, best of luck." "Best of luck be ——, you blankety blank blank! What about you having a pop!" . "V" ROUTE. v- * * • INQUIRY BY FREDDY. Dear Percy Flage,— l knd you anser hard kuestions so wood you please tell me, What is Standard of Living? Dad wood kno, but he is playing chess, you mussent speak. I askt Mum. She sed, oh, Freddy, don't wurry me with kwestioiis, darling.- Praps its how you live up to your conshuns. ' Ask the vicker. I dont kno, Freddy, I dont kno, mum sed. I sed, it cant be relid- , gous because its the laber guverment. Its sumthing Mr. Savidge says we must have and must keep and must keep it high no matter what happens. Is it like a flag or is it sumthing to eat? But mum sed, go to bed now, so Percy Flage I thought Ide ask you please, what is Standard of Living? Thank you,—Freddy. * ♦ ♦ A POETICAL MOSAIC. Mrs. J.A. (Newtown) thinks that Col. B's "poets" would like to read these clever rhymes. We have a fancy we published them several years ago; anyway, here they are:— The curfew tolls the knell of parting

day, In every clime, from Lapland to

Japan; To fix one spark of beauty's heavenly

ray, The proper study of mankind is man. Tell! for you can, what it is to be wise, Sweet Auburn, loveliest village of

the plain; "The man of Ross!" each lisping babe replies, And drags, at each remove, • length'ning chain.

Ah! who can tell how hard it is to climb, Far as the solar walk or milky way? Procrastination is the thief of time, Let Hercules himself do what ac may.

'Tis education forms the common mind, The feast of reason and the flow of soul; I must be cruel only to be kind, And waft a sigh from Indus to the pole.

Syphax! I joy to m'eel; you thus alone, Where'er I roam, whatever lands I see; A youth to fortune and to fame unknown, i In maiden meditation fancy free.^ Farewell! and wheresoe'er thy voice be tried, . Why to yon mountain turns tne gazing eye, With spectacles on nose and pouch on side, .. , , ~ That teach the rustic moralist to die, Pity the sorrows of a poor old man, Whose beard descending swept tea aged breast; ... Laugh where we must, be candid where we can, Man never is, but always to be blest. 9 # 1639-1939. To Mr. Percy Flage: Si r j\ far cry perhaps from Elizabethan poetry to that of modern lyrics as are now being put on the air, but there is a closer affinity than might be inferred which you as a first authority will I hope, admit. During that postprandial period of digestive calm when the cares of the day fold up their tents and silently steal away, an attractive co-diner's smiling appearance brought to mind Herrick's consummately flattering lines (to Julia, or some other one of his charming addressees), to wit:

Some asked where pearls did grow and where, Then spoke I to my girl, To part her ruby lips, and show me there The quarrelets of pearl. Strangely enough I heard almost coincidentally from an undeclared radio station one of those ineffable crooners who droned this literary gem:

"When you smile heaven's gats swings open wide you cannot hide what I see inside." This surely out-Herricks Herrick in delicate imagery, and goes far to dispose of the contention that in 300 years of civilisation nothing has been written to vie with the versification of th» great Elizabethan writers, D.N.G.Q*