POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVII, Issue 83, 10 April 1939, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

More international repercussings. w • • It never rains but it pours, comments Harihaha. No sooner had the Zog infant arrived when Mussolini put in an appearance. • ♦ * \ In the circumstances, it was only to be expected that Fascism's bolt from the blue would be followed by Zog'B bolt into the blue. # # ♦ I Dinna Ken.—When some people say that "science has given us mastery over Nature cs never before," I think to mysel' that Nature has left us a' so much to learn that I hae ma doots aboot it. » * • SERIOUS LOSS. Clergyman: I've lost my portmanteau. Traveller: I pity your grief. Clergyman: All my sermons are in itTraveller: I pity the thief. Author Unknown. ♦ * '♦ DOG'S LIFE. Dear King Zog Was a merry young dog, A merry young dog was he. Till a bigger bow-wow Sent him scuttling off, and novr He barks up a different tree. BLOGDEN GNASH. * * * ' MOUSE-TRAP. Dear Flage,—This is a. new one on me. Met a boy friend (an Aussie) during the week, and after quaffing a couple at a nearby hostelry, was standing outside the scene of the recent big fire, when along came a puss looking very much the worse for wear. Being a tender-hearted sort of coon, I bent down, stroked pussy's back, and rubbed her ears, when my cobbers voice broke in on my "pussy woosums" with, "Blimey! What a rough-looking mouse-trap!" EX-TOMMY. • ♦ • il'duce. "Hammond" (Wadestown) ..asks: "Is it true that (1) Mussolini was once a Communist, and (2) that he was a school teacher in his younger days? Both statements are true. II Duce was enrolled in the Communist Party when he was 24 years old. The son of a blacksmith, he was a school teacher till he ran away from Italy to Switzerland—in order to escape military service! He was a soldier later, but did not make a heroic name for himself in the Great War. Quite the contrary. He was never decorated on a front where many men received awards for attacking when the order was to attack. He was never wounded in action, but took advantage of minor injuries caused by an exploding trench mortar to leave the front early in the war. Mussolini is under normal stature, as was Napoleon. He is sft 6in tall and has the shoulders of an All Black. He is guarded night and day by 800 special police, insists on living and working in. enormous chambers —he is a victim of claustrophobia —neither smokes nor drinks, and draws an official salary of about £200 a month. * ♦ ♦ POLAND'S MILITARY STRENGTH. Many people, unaware of the facts, take it for granted that Germany could walk through and over Poland if it came to a clash. The truth is that the Poles would not be easily overcome. The Warsaw correspondent of the "Manchester Guardian" asserts that Poland has a formidable army which ranks with Europe's best. Although the peace strength is generally believed to be 500,000, there is a big proportion of cavalry because Poland contains large areas of swamp and bad roads impassable to tanks. But mechanised units are efficient. Millions of youths receive compulsory military training in all schools. Poland's trained reserves number 5,000,000 because conscription has been compulsory since the country achieved its independence. Every 21-year-old citizen serves 18 months, and thus in wartime Poland can mobilise a fighting force of nearly 6.000,000. The air force consists of 2000 planes, including 500 bombers. Four aircraft factories :( work night and day producing hundreds of planes a month, and trained "* pilots number 25,000. All armaments are manufactured in the country, and plants are now being transferred to safer areas in central and southern Poland. ♦ * • LOOPY LIMERICKS. (With acknowledgements to A. Magniac.) There was a young lady named Psyche Who said to her husband: "O, Ychel The springs of this chair Stick out everywhere—I never knew springs were so spyche. ■ There was a young fellow of Jena Who said: "I'm a total abstena; For beer, I maintain, Makes people insain, And whisky but makes them insaina. A-gentleman named Mr. Strachan Contracted an obstinate cachan; He lay on the floor, And, oh, how he swoor! (I can't write the words that were swachan.) There was a sea-bather called Jno; Who found that his clothing had gno; He was sorely perplexed Just what to do nexed, For he hadn't got very much no. There was a mad lady of Gwydir Who went about yelling blue mwydir? Yet her voice was so sweet — Such a musical treet— That I wish Clara Butt could have hwydir! « # ♦ STRANGE WAGERS. From D.L.R., these curious wagers: This year is the two hundredth anniversary of the famous Croydon bowling wager, for it was on August 4, 1739,, that a Croydon farmer undertook to bowl a skittleball from there to London bridge in 500 "revolutions." He was successful, covering the distance of about eleven miles in 445 days. Another queer wager of two centuries ago is recorded in the books of ■' ons old London club. A member bet a thousand pounds to a toothpick that the next r^an to mount the stairs would not fall down and break his leg. Queerly enough..the next member who went up tripped over the top step, fell, and was picked up with a broken leg. , Many strange bets w©re made when Napoleon was at the height of his power. Sir Richard Gilbert said that if any person was willing to give him a hundred pounds down, he in turn, would repay them at the rate of a guinea a day for as long as Bonaparte lived. No one would take him on, as the risk of assassination was so great. Eventually a clergyman took the bet, and for three years received a guinea a day, not a bad return for his hundred pounds. Then the baronet tired of paying out so much money and took the case to Court. He won, luckily for him. since Napoleon did i not die until fifteen years later.