POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVI, Issue 81, 3 October 1938, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGS

History may yet record that when Chamberlain saved Europe in 1938 he saved Hitler's face at the same time. * * # Verbatim: "Wen 'c scratches 'is 'cad 'c gets splinters in 'is 'and."—The Hon. F. Langstone's reply to a heckler at his Te Awamutu meeting this week. » "» * Hitler's uncle may be right, but then he has never known the high spiritual and moral qualities that are induced by wearing the swastika. .» . * • Freedom of speech: Mr. Nash says they only hear one side in Russia. Thank God we live in the Lower HuttJ P.F. » ♦ * R.J.T.— Definition of Mr. Savage's Social Security Bill: Security for the thriftless, insecurity for the thrifty. * # * CUTTING. . Political heckler (a rara avis): "I submit with all due respect that the candidate's explanation is somewhat akin to the consistency of mud, and I may add that the audiencle is already so much in the dark that if the electric light failed at this very moment non« of us would notice it!" WINSH. » • • BRAIN-TEASER. That "Percy Flage" multiplication sum had no terrors for the brainteaser shock troops. R.J.W. (or was it "G" instead of "J"?) signed out early on Saturday evening, to be followed at intervals by "Phil o' Math,* "Diana," L.G.M., and "Aristo." AH noticed a misprint in the, problem as set out by "Ogee"7— an "f" being turned into an "c* —but as it didn't tie things up too badly, everybody was quite nice about it, no bricks being thrown. Instead,. we yarned (for a space) informally, after which we proceeded to deal with an anthology matter of (to us). . some importance, though not. quita uninterruptedly. ■ v » * # CYNIC AT WORK. '. Dear Percy Flage,—Knowing his convictions re race supremacy and world [ dominion, one can imagine the Ger* man demigod-dictator now chanting U ' "spring" song to the lilt of that rap« j turous spring song of "Browning* "Pippa," thus: The time's at the day, And day's at the hour; ' The Czechs are betrayed; France-England's out-done. ' Let's banish speech-play, All's now in our power, Let's march unafraid— World-conquest's begun. Yours as ever, BY THE WAY. *■ . , KIWIS. This par. from "Poultry Keepers Yeafr* book —which ought to know better—* was brought to our notice by J.R.S.: "Imagine a large silkie (not neces* sarily white or black), but with singla comb, red lobe, and yellow legs, and you have a kiwi. This was 'made' itt New Zealand, but at the moment we can only call to mind a couple ot breeders in this country (England). These 'webless' fowls are said to pos» sess distinctly useful properties, one of which is the fact that, as kiwis cannot . fiy, very low netting only is needed L to keep them within bounds!" As one tremendously interested ia . the flora and fauna of this inimitable . country we salute the editor of P.K.Y, • and sincerely trust that the kiwis of ; those two English breeders do no* turn out to be wekas. , . * * • • ; POOR DUMB DAD. : D.L. brought these lines all the way [ from Honolulu for our "cheery, I column." The jingle has an applica* ; tion to this country also. 5 My father, poor misguided gent, [ Wasted his life; a life misspent ; By working hard and working lat« 3 From 6 a.m. till way past eight. 1 Poor Dad! He'd fuss and fret and toil ' And burn the blooming midnight oil 1 For .nothing but a little cash :> To buy the daily beans and hash. • Poor Dad! He Was so mild and meeSJ 1 He'd work six days in every week And fourteen hours every day To try to keep the wolf away. Now Father, meaning Well, but dumtv Amassed a rather tidy sum With which he planned to buy some [ beers ; To brighten his declining years. ] Then the New Deal came; simple Dad Who worked so hard for all he had Awoke one morn" to find that he ' Was now a public enemy. A louse, a Scrooge, a national cyst, An economic Royalist! So Dad, industrious but dumb, j Is now the source from which will f come . The coin to buy the gasoline : For some poor underdog's machine, ! To bring the More Abundant Lif« , To every loafer and his wife. [ From Dad will be extracted sums ' r For radios to ease the hells ; Of all the chronic ne'er-do-wells; [ For booze, so labour's little Nell , Can tell the boss to go to Hell. I Poor Dad, a faithful, trustful loon, ; Was born just 30 years too soonl L'Envoi • . A moral lurks along the hall t In all this fancy fol-de-rol, ; And it is this: That any cheat . Who says you ought to work to eat r Is simply nuts, out of his head; Sit on your tail or stay in bed, The Government will see, by Gad, That you get yours from chumps likt Dad! * * • SINGULARLY APROPOS. Dear Flage,—Herewith a gem (singularly apropos!) from John Goss's "Cockroaches and Diamonds" (John Lane, the Bodley Head). Between sips from tankards of lager, Messrs. Gomshall and Cornaby are discussing Fascism, the former protesting somewhat half-heartedly at his friend's interpretation of the cult: "The prescription for making Fascists? . It's Foreign Agitators and Jews —to be ' taken three times a day, after meals." 1 Gomshall declares: "A chap told me it's ' quite marvellous what Mussolini and Hitler's done." Cornaby: "Just what • I been saying. Fattening 'em up for - the Christmas killing. Hot air's the 1 diet. The game's easy. When wages has to be lowered you put on a mons--1 ter Barnum and Bailey show, with fireworks and bands and slogans and the like; and while the half-starved blighters are staring theirselves silly, send out your pickpockets! And when there's a food shortage you can't laugh off, start an international incident, have another smack at the Bolshies and the Jews—drag out the old Red Herring! And when it comes to the final put, and the Profit System and the Public Good refuse to be jack-booted or ballyhdoed into the same downy bed—well, I you just start a war. And that's that!" There's plenty more of the same. He winds up: "For Christ's sake order me a drink, old man. I got a taste ia my mouth like a parrot's cage in * morgue." Wotderyerno about that? t T.D.T.