POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXV, Issue 122, 26 May 1938, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE It is good news to know that with the dropping of Japanese bombs goes a dropping in Japanese exports. * • The farmers .may' hold the key to the political situation, but the Government holds the handsome surplus on the dairy industry account. So what? •#. ' • The only tribunal that will.give the Government any deep concern if the tribunal of the people it will have to lace next November. # » * If you can believe some of them, our farmers are not only the backbone of the country but the pituitary gland as well. • * ... * G.D.—"One must travel 450 million miles (says an official document) to (get killed on an American railway-" !It seems a poor reward for such [ constancy. 1 • j » * WOE AUCKLAND! Here's a new one at Auckland's expense. It may be Flagiarised, but X hope not. Father was being transferred from Wellington to the Mabu* kau, and the family were to leave on the morrow. Small son is saying hit prayers' for the last time in the old home. "God bless Mummy ■ and Daddy and make me a good boy, Amen. Good-bye, God, we're off to Auckland tomorrow." Oh Sodom, oh Gomorrah, woe Auckland! CHANTICLEEHi "STORK DERBY." In reply to G.G. (Seatoun), wh® wants to know the names of the women who shared the £■ 150,000 in; the; "Stork Derby." The first four winners aire Mrs. Isa» . bel Maclean, aged 34. wife of .a civil servant; Mrs. Annie Smith, wife of. a fireman; Mrs. Kathleen Nagle, aged 35, wife of an unemployed carpenter; Mrs, Lucy Timleck, >ged 38, wife of a Toironto parks employee. Each .claima to have given birth to nine children during the 10 years following Mr. Millar's death, and none of their claims has been challenged. The mothers whose claims are artiU in dispute are Mrs. Lillian Kenny and Mrs. Pauline Clarke. If their claims are found valid, they will be .admitted with the four whose names are already announced to share equally in thi prize-money. * .* * ■ < I MENACE OF THE GODWIT. Dear Flag®,—A few nights back in an adjacent column a plea was entered on behalf of the migratory bird, tha godwit. I object most emphatically. Flage. These birds should all be ruthlessly slaughtered. In the first pl* c ® they come from Russia, and nothing good has ever come from there. In my district these foreign visitors can be seen any day agitating among out local birds and busily spreading the insidious gospel of Communism. I am reliably informed that in Wellington ■ Central they are absolute dictators!, and that in the country districts they are persuading the thrushes to eat the insects off the Red Labour farms .and the fruit and seedlings-off the true blue Tory, farms. ;Is that •- fair, Slage?r The name "godwit" itself is. false,; as r everybody knows; that those Russian* have neither god nor wit, The bird is a poisonous wolf in a holy sheep's clothing. Furthermore, if it really. i« true that Mr. Nash visited and came ; back from Russia like the godwits (as the gNashionalists say he did)—well. Flage, he should have been brought down while still on the wing., Monstrous goings On for a Cabinet |4i|iiaf ter. Godwits! B-r-r-r. I am, etc,. FATHER OF TEN. J' *# • ; MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. Who> this Diana! Who is she? That's what 1 wants know.' You se# I'm goin' to 'ave the law on 'er, An* if I don't kick up a stir I'm Marie Stops. She's gorn a®' pinched My writin* way, ah' never flinched, Exposin' me to riddlecule; But, dearie, I am no one's fool.' My style, there ain't no need to static Is copperright an' copperplate. It took me years to get the swing. The bright idea, an* everything What goes to make my pomes excite The multitood on Thursday night. An' 'ere that dame, Diana, goes Steelin' my lightnin*. Span the crqwat If she don't straight apolergise She'll get, from me, a nice surprise. Pass me a sandridge, there's a dear, Food *elps my brain to get quite clear, Gin sets it back, though nice at first. But say-rof all the "spots,** the worst Is 'ome brew new as a young chick Freeh from the hegg. It makes me sick To 'ear of visitors an' such Saying our girls all drink too much. An' wear small bottles on their 'ips : With' loor and lipstick on their lips, The which my mother never done. Nor did my father's eldest son— Meanin' my brother. Still, I say The dear ole souls who go thele I way, . ' . ; MaUngerin' our female youth. Are wand'rin' from the track of truth An' don't know what they're talkin' of . . . 'Ave you read "She Was Born For Love?" • ». MORE AMERICANESE. Dear Flage,—Here's the lowdown <*' that Americanese you had lately. "The motor of my Car should be good now rev up • well because the new camshafts, valves, and valves springs together with new pistons should make . a difference apart from the bigger supercharger—oh and I've got new tyres on the wheels. Next week I'll take the old car to the dirt track and open up hard down on the throttle paddle and when the old car gets going fast you'll see some ■ speed, that's if she doesn't thro\»-a rod or I don't get into a broadside or get into an uncontrolled slide and hit the wall. I'm a hard driver and if the car isn't o.k.—well, then I guess I may be riding the ambulance. Glossary: Air out, open up; alligator, old car; apeing, going fast; arcing, ! peak revs.; sorrel, cylinder; barrelling, flat out; bladder, tyre; bouncer, [valve spring; bucket, piston; bull-ring, | dirt track; buteherwagon, ambulance; I button, valve; clunker, old car; cogs, differential; doughnuts, tyres; dra,pe it on the white stuff, hit a wall; flathead, sidevalve engine; gate, valve; get a rope, slipstream; gillopy, ear; gilhooley, uncontrolled slide; goat, ear; gun the mill, rev up; iron, car; kick the mill, open up; lay an egg, throw a rod; leadfoot, hard driver; lung, piston; mill, engine; paddle, throttle pedal; pot, carburettor; promoter, blower, supercharger; shoe, wheel; skin, tread; soup, speed; stick,, camshaft; tub, piston; uncork for a broader, , get into a broadside. , It's quite simple. * Just American car racing slang. Yours till the buteherwagon gets mat SPARKPLUG KEOHANB, > Karori.