POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIV, Issue 69, 18 September 1937, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

A leopard cannot change its spots, but, unfortunately for the pedestrian, j the bibulous motor driver won't. ;, * . The member for Parnell avers that . "we have no leadership in New Zea- \ land." Will Mr. Adam Hamilton stand , for that? I # Big thought of the week (per the ; "Manchester Guardian"): "What Europe . needs today is more talk and less action." * « * i If the unemployment situation fails ■ to improve, there is no one, or nothing, t to prevent the Government from buildi! ing a few more railway lines from any- : where to anywhere. * * «• • ; Bindy — Hitler's farewell to Mussolini, "Well, cheeryoh, old shellfish, and 1 if I don't see you before the festive . season, I trust you'll have a very I happy crisis!" c « • ♦ ARCADY. Perhaps the Government has invest* ed in the State boarding-house business in the belief that soon it will be able to provide free board and lodging for those who help it to turn New Zealanc into an Arcadian paradise.. « I NO WORK. MORE PAY. ' I PUBLIC CREDIT. • In view of Mr. Savage's statement i that public credit is created by bor- ' rowing from public and private sources I and Mr. Hamilton prefers private en- ■ terprise or credit, and if I who have ■ nothing borrow from you or your en- • terprising firm who have some say- '■ ings, I am merely borrowing from my* • self and there is no need to repay myL self which is sound finance. Perhaps through your good offices you will arrange my limit which really is unlimited. EXCELSIOR. * * * LIMERICK. As we anticipated, that young lady who girded up her loins and attacked ' Mount Cook enjoyed (or did she?) *• some curious experiences. For a - change this weekend we shall ask you ' all to concentrate on the male of the r species, whose epic begins: There was a young man named ' Golightly. 3 As for rhymes—well, you have such. » as brightly, nightly, unsightly, politely, g contritely, lightly, slightly, and rightly, , etc., though we warn you that "etc." j is no rhyme for "Golightly." However, j don't let that worry you. Instead (. give your fancy free rein, and portray this carefree young feller for all the . world to see. • » « • I ONE FOR GOLFERS. 1 This yarn won first prize in a com--1 petition for "true" stories of the links: Two New Yorkers were playing a •, needle match for a considerable wager. ) They reached the eighteenth tee all square. The last hole was a short one, f and the first golfer laid his drive dead ton the green for a certain 2. His 1 opponent sliced badly, and his ball 2 went sailing off out of sight into the 1 rough. A second later it reappeared " hurtling towards the green, where it landed plumb in the hole for 1! A donkey tethered in the rough to graze provides the explanation for this apparent miracle. As the first sliced ball flew in his direction a second misdirected shot from the adjoining fairway struck him violently in the, ribs. The donkey lashed out with his hind legs just as the sliced ball was sail- '- ing by, caught it with a neat kick, and " sent it on its way towards the green! I ♦ • • s SCHOOL'S IN. t Do you know that — s 1. Adolphe Menjou owns sixty-fiv s „ suits of clothes, fifty overcoats, forty t pairs of shoes, a hundred and fifty z ties, and thirty hats? 0 2. China's biggest family is that of - General Yang Sen, a war lord of 1 Szechueu Province, who has 40 chily dren, 30 of whom are boys who ara being taught to play musical instrue ments? 3. If a man's voice had the same carry- ■ r ing power in proportion to his weight - as that of a canary his lightest word . could be heard 800 miles away? i, 4. The Chinese shake their owa •'. hands instead of the hands of those. 3 whom they greet? i 5. Even the habit of taking a regular f bath was once considered ridiculous— . and, no wonder, when Queen Eliza- ., beth set the nation the "good example" - of bathing once a month? 6. Talking of conductors—in ancient Greece one of the musicians wore on his right foot a heavy leaden shoe to enable him to stamp the time loudly enough for all the other musicians to hear and follow? 7. If the sky were filled by full moons, the light would be no brighter than that of ordinary daylight?. " J*SI r 8. In a ton of Dead Sea water there t are 1871b of salt; Red Sea, 93; Mediter- [ ranean, 85; Atlantic Ocean, 81; English . Channel, 72; Baltic, 28; Black Sea, 26; x and Caspian Uea, 11? I 9. Unlike Xiose of the' Western saw, , the teeth of the Indian saw are set the > other way, and it cuts the wood as it ■ is pulled towards the sawyer? ; 10. General Goering has ordered all p troops to eat crab at least twice a . month to help the crab-fishers? # ». ♦ ; CHILD'S SONG IN SPRING. The silver birch is a dainty lady, [ She wears a satin gown; The elm tree makes the old church ' shady, She will not live in town. The English oak is a sturdy fellow, He.gets his green coat late; The willow is smart in a suit of yellow. While brown the beech trees wait. Such a gay green gown God gives tha larches— As green as He is good! The hazels hold up their arms for arches When Spring rides through the wood. The chestnut's proud, and the lilac' 3 pretty, The poplar's gentle and tall; But the plane tree's kind to the poor dull city— I love him best of all! E. NESBIT. # » * HEARD THESE? Forwarded by " 'Orace." Tommy came home on Saturday ' afternoon with his clothes muddy and torn, his face bruised, two front teeth missing, and his nose bleeding. Mother: What has happened? Tommy: We were playing Italy and Abyssinia. Mother: Were you Abyssinia? < Tommy: No. I was the League of Nations. Judge: What is the meaning of this expression, "Sez you"? Counsel: M'lord, it would appear that it is a slang phrase of American origin, which has gained regrettable currency in the language of our people through the insidious agency of the cinema, and is, I am given to understand, employed to indicate a state of dubiety in the mind of the speaker as to the veracity or credibility of a statement made to him.

Judge: Oh, yeah?