POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 132, 5 June 1937, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

Br Percy Flage.

Our garbage container does i-ot conform to the sloping sides regulation, but our w.p.b. does, and how! • • * . <s "Camouflage": The Rev. Jardine'a explanation notwithstanding, high churchmen will continue to regard his action as ecclesiastically conscienceless. • * • Possibly, the vandal who slashed the Speed canvas was a budding Surrealist tired to death of nude female torsos. • • • ~ Commenting on the 514 road accidents in 11 weeks, Mr. Semple says that "no one is apparently shacked at all." What about the victims? •' •, # * Plato—who knew!—says "that tha philosopher cuts a poor figure in con-_ troversy because he knows no. ill to say about anybody. • ♦ ♦ -tM . ROMEO AND JULIET.. Dear Percy Flage,—The following is not new, but it may be so to. some of your readers. Anyway,'it is topical, and I hope you will find' a placi for it in your amusing column. Yours sincerely, AROHA. ' 'Twas in a restaurant they met, \ Romeo and Juliet; i\ He had no money to pay the debt, i So Rome owed what Julie ate (et). '■ LIMERICK COMPETITION. That citizen of Levin having been relegated to the limbo of forgotten things, we turn our attention to a member of the fair sex in the South Island—to wit: A lassie in fair Rangiora A few suggested rhymes: Borer, explorer, Nora, adorer, flora, angora, hair-restorer, snorer, kia ora. There's a collection with distinct possibilities. Give your creative imagination a free rein and let's see : what happens. » » '. " • ARYAN MACKEREL. Theory of Aryan purity—as expounded by a member of the Racial Bureau," Hamburg:— t ... Mackerel caught off the German, Norwegian, and Dutch coasts and which live in the North Sea are distinguished from Breton .and Russian mackerel by certain immediately recognisable features. The Nordic mackerel is large and fat, while, those that come from further south are small and thin. It is obvious that the cross- ■ ing of these different craces a , of the mackerel is dangerous for the° Nordic mackerel, which will finish by being absorbed by .the unworthy Oriental ! mackerel. • . ■ ♦"■■'♦ \ ■ TRY THIS. ' This mathematical curiosity (says ; "Euclidean") was invented by the late . Professor Charles L. Dodgson, Professor ■ of Higher i Mathematics, Oxford—or perhaps you know him better as Lewii I Carroll, the author of "Alice in Won- ." . derland." There is no catch in it. ' Ask a friend to write down, the num- • ber of ms brothers that are living. Tell him to multiply this by- two. Add [ three. Multiply the result by five. To i this add the number of liis living sis- ■ ters. Multiply the result by ten.. Add ' to this .result,the number of his dead ' brothers and,.sisters. From the.total ' subtract; 150. Ask hini the ■ answer. '. The last figure will give you the num- ; ber of deaths, the middle figure the [ number of his living sisters, and the , first figure the number of his living r brothers. • • * * \. . i SCHOOL'S Ttt, " Do you know tnat.— , 1. Birds require only two ounc«# of ; body fat to supply energy for a S3OOI mile flight? . 2. The sponge of commerce is _tn« \ framework of an animal whose slimy body has been washed1 away? 3 3. Ten canals with a milage of 510, ' giving access to 1846 miles of navigable ! waterways, are under the jurisdiction \ of the Canadian Federal Government? 1 ■ 4. Ant-eaters walk on their knuckles 5 to protect their claws and keep them sharp for the; business of tearing . up " insect nests?. . ■ ' 5. An English scientist has discovered fc that the roots of dahlias contain 16 1 per cent, of fruit sugar, which is exceptionally sweet, non-crystalline, and a splendid household product? _ 6 In his Christchurch days David Low now earning £10,000 a year, received £2 a week for doing one fullpage cartoon, another page of small cartoons, and five more twc^column " Vienna's 8000 professional beggars . 5 have a union which employs spies ' whose duty is to keep watch on the I police and "give the alarm if a raid ' V left the Suke of : Windsor personally Balmoral Castle, m • Scotland, worth £100,000, and Sand- • ringham, the' Royal estate m Norfolk, • worth about £625,000? ■ 9 The Bicycle Manufacturers' Asso- : ciation of Tokio, which .exported . ■ £1100,000 worth of machines in 193^3, I plans to put on the market a bike s for 13s, with a life of seven or eight yeio rS' Engineers have discovered a new tube that can measure .0000000000000000001 of an ampere. (Who cares!) ; • ♦ * THE POOL.. Now I am still again, as a pool in th« , C forest. _ s Once the soft hands of the wind wer» I gentle and tender, . . «, • And the wings of.birds brushed mo with fleeting caresses, t And blossoms fell, floated and decked me with splendour. E You, too, for a short sweet day, ; preened in my mirror, Lovelier in me than you were in ma I gaze of the sun; . | But soon you, too, were gone with the ' refluent season; The leaves grow brown-and'the gray 1 afternoons have begun, i Now I am still again, and the forest is songless, i But soon, as the moon grows cold and the swallows depart, ■ I will harden with frost, at first as the surface emotions, ! And, as the winter strikes, deep at tha i springs of the heart t ■ R.S. "Atlantic Monthly." • • ♦ ' 1 £, "STUNNER." r Apropos your newspaper misprints, 1 Flage, the following should take high rank. It appeared in a S.I. daily some six years ago. It was a P.A. message from Christchurch (that absolves the "Press" and the "Times"), about the , doings of two men who '.'pleaded guilty to breaking and entering by .night a dwelling house where they removed the drawers from a duchess in a room ,in which a man was asleep." If this ; is not exactly "lese majeste," at any i rate it is one occasion on which i "noblesse" did not "oblige." CHANTICLEEItf