POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 100, 29 April 1937, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Percy Flace.

.When we do it, it is a necessary evil. When the other fellow does it, we call it a. political scandal. .. ... -.« ■ . * -• ■ Judging by ,the ready acquiescence oi.Mr. James Gerard to wear kneebreeches at the Coronatio.n we gather that he is not bow-legged. •» , * ♦ Fred.—Apropos' the ECC.'s exhibit one—a lump of the Melbourne pitch: why didn't; our AH Blacks bring back . a wisp of Prince Obolensky's .hair? *'■*.'♦ Anyway. . one method • of bringing . about-a decrease in burglaries is to reduce the hours and increase the wages of the nimble members of the^ Burglars' Union. ERIN-GO-BRAGH. WHY OXFORD WON. ' Dear Flage,—There is a .strangely prophetic ring in the following par. clipped from a London paper of two months ago: >"A hundred Scottish uhdergrads are said to be in residence at Oxford, and they all play the bagpipes. We understand that a pipe band is being organised and that the proctors, in self-defence, are. forming a saxophone ■ corps. But what will Cambridge do about it? They .must find effective counter-measures before the coming Boat Race, for the result of a hundred pipers an' a' on unaccustomed ears might mean at least a couple of lengths to Oxford." In view of Oxford's victory by just that margin -why was no protest lodged with .the.-stewards, Flage? ; . L.D.A.HOME WORK. Dear Sir, —Dear me! Now, what was I going to write about? Ah, yes, I. remember,' school lessons. Really my head is in such a muddle I.don't .know what I'm doing half the time. Could you please tell me how it is possible for a mother to teach four fidgety kids when there are twelve . lusty ones shouting and yelling ■ outside one's home? '■ Ah, that is a problem for you. I am sitting with a lump of ice -on my head trying to work it out. Every night I, dream of the green donkey man, improper fractions, ton weights, and I have horrible nightmares of being ;S.ent to gaol for neglecting to, assist my offspring. . Every time the postman knocks,' beads of perspiration stand on my ;brow' and I feel like crawling under .the. table. \Vhat if _ali those sums come back iriarked with a .big .cross? ,1. feel J simply cannot face the. pained. expression .. on the countenances of my. four, pupils. Why doesn't the .Education Board ring a curfew bell calling all children indoors until lessons are finished? . ..,,.■ .', . ... , .."QUERY." ~., ~-.; '. ■ ■'.# ■ ■.' ''■'-:♦ ■■. ■• : : ' 'EPICUREAN. ;. : Met ;an acquaintance yesterday, who doubted 'whether .caviar . (mentioned' in Col. 8 /t'other day) was obtainable in Wellington. We think it is to be had, -but whether red 'or' black (or .both) we are unable to say. He told us that there were fair stocks of it in Sydney•:• when -he was there last, along with other exotic foods 'beloved of epicures/ For example: A'well-known Perth" (W.'A:) • resident; ■ wiio^was throwing : an: exclusive ;partyy ordered £100 ( worth of pate do :f oie gras,. and was ; duly obliged;. It is imported in small ■ jars, and costs 28s a jar 'retail. Other) (delicacies ; obtainable in the ■ pseudo ' Paris of the South are pickled frogs'! legs (3s 9d 'for tins containing tnret \ ounces—y.ou serve them-,:-on toast),! ■pickled eels from Latvia (2s. a small j tin), stuffed anchovy from; Trieste, attractively:bottled mushrooms from the. Pontine Marshes, truffles de Perigord, much-prized fungus used :for flavour-, ing (two"truffles set you back ss), and' tinned snails. The last-named delicacy, are in steady demand, the chief clients being well-to-do foreigners in.the Hew South Wales capital. ■■'■#■ ■'■ * ' .■• ■ , MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. If it's not fun—them scraps between The Hins and Houts. >By that I mean The Government strong intrenched an! those, ' \ Bodkin and, Co., their natural foes. What 'as become, dear, by the way, •. Uv Mr. Dodge? The other day ■ ■ - 'E took on Fraser tooth-'n'-nail. But Peter never blinked an eye. But presently an' by-'n'-bye,-With hees ra-pier 'c up an' blew The henemy clean out uv view, An' that's the larst what we 'aye 'card Uv Mr. Dodge; You take my word: Peter, 'c isn't no one's fool, 'Avin' gorn thrqugh a tough 'ard school, The A.P.M. knows all the tricks What go with fightin' polertics. : Soon now we'll 'aye the Springboks 'ere. They're goin' to prove a .snag, I fear, When they go .'untin' on the :tracks Uv our diminishin' AH Blacks. Look at their pack! Dean Denton's got Nothink.on them; they're'blist'rin' 'ot— Man-caterpillars with a pull An' drive that .would bring down a bull.' ' " ■"■' ■ - - '.. ■'■■'■„ .. We've no :Cliff Porters now, an ; no ■ Bloke or. Bob Patons, though Young Joey Sadler is a gem Be'ind the scrum . . . 'ell tickle em. 'E ain't a .Freddie Roberts; still • 'E's 'ard to stop an' 'ard to, spill, An' when 'c snaps that-.ball about, Say, you should 'ear the Bankers shout. ■■!..■'" : 'E's as delusive as ;a-eel. ... n D'jer see the M.C.C.'s quaint squeal?,, .■-'*'■ *, ' * .■'.■" POSTED ... MISSING.,; "Maestro.''— Tempo weak, and too many jarring (personal) notes. :_ ■■: ."Too Old at 21."—Our sympathy, but., we can't find room for so long-drawn-out a plea. . ■ " ' " '; "■■;,,■ "Ima Dodo."—Our "How's -Business? ,j department went into voluntary liquidation several months ago. '■'.■■■'' ■ "Carra Way"; -("Parryitis").—Heres the first stanza:— , Small wonder that .those lusty chaps Who to the House do creep, Exhausted by their many yaps, Should fall "all in a heap"! N-D.L. and H.B.—Our Inquiry Department has your business in hand. "A Twicer" (in re "The Hindu's Par.a-' disc").—Thanks, for the lines, -and the wish that "Cum Grano Salis" "cannot recite them with' the same feeling ;as can -yours truly." "', ' "Pete Ony;" "Effie," "Moa,". and many others.—Limericks fall short of the mark.' : • M.D.M.D.—Hope to use one of them at least. .., ■■ " ■■ ■ W.G.H.—That,"Pigs From New Zealand" was.not quite a square deal for our Government, as you suggest. "Salvol."—Not quite pointed enough. "Ginger Jack."—You are barking up the wrong tree, as the Alsatian said to the sea lion. . A.B.M. (Palmerston ' North).—A I "regular reader" would have overlooked that note which appeared_ in Column 8 less than a month since. Rhyme is still under consideration. "Ali Moni" (Marton).—That's old enough to be a great-great-great-grand-father. ,'■'■■■ - "Superhet."—Too. much verbal static. "Neo-Georgian."—We like a serious verse for the Saturday column, but' ycurs, though it shows feeling, -is too! repetitious.