POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 71, 25 March 1937, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chrpwcle and Cpjnpient

Bt Ppcx Ff4Pf.

This 40-hour week cannot but help the development of a national culture —especially1 horticulture; '. ■■■*■'■' * # To Michael Joseph Savage.—"We don't want to lose you but we think you ought to go." * * * Henry.—Not being able to shake the M.C.Ci at' the wickets yesterday, New Zealand last.night 'tried to shake them in their beds. ' '■ ■ «. * * Many have so little religion. that it would'soon, be exhausted if they were to use it every day. So they save it for Sundays. '■ ■■''■*■ * « Though the.CJoyernrnent seems to ba stacking to its permanent way, its engines are developing the habit of running off the rails. * * * Yesterday, L.D.A. reminds us, was the' 60th anniversary of ' the Oxf ord.Gambridge boat race, the first of which was a dead' heat—the only one in the history:' of the' event. * * » i ALL HOT- AND BOTHERED. It seems that Signor Mussolini is angry because someone said he was annoyed about a newspaper report that he was distressed ■>■ concerning a bishop's opinion about his being peeved ov&r something that happened in Italy, or Spain, or' Tripoli, or somewhere. ANON. I « # • WHAT'S IN A NAME? One of our newsroom colleagues tells of a wood and coal merchant lip north whqse name is Heaven.' 'That 'ta'ke3 some beating, though for a "man who runs a business like that; Jack' Lucifer or Henry Hades would have been still more appropriate. ' 'Again,' there is a Cumberland '"(Eng.) family,' called Sheepshanks, but they "are' neither farmers nor are' they in the wool''industry'.' Further, we introduce'to your notice the three children" of Mr. and Mrs!'Emsy Jackson, of' Paul's "Valley, pklahpnia; The latest-born has' been christened» Appendicitis, arid Appy (for short)' has two brothers' named Tonpilitis and Meningitis; if 'there is' a fourth child,' and it is another girl, wesuggest as a really appropriate Christian (or un-Christian)' name, 'Flu. * « .".♦",'.". RUTHLESS RHYME. "Sine." dug this one out for us— When grandmamma fell off the' boat She 'couldn't swim',''and wouldn't float, And young Miranda sat and smiled .;. . I really couM have'slapped the"child. "Susan Jane" (Lower Hut't) sends this contribution — Auntie, shopping in the rain, Missed the'kerb, but hit the drain. "Wonder where the stream'il land'eft She travels' fast," said Alexander. This' is "Germ's" offeringAunt Opheiia had a well.. Which a plumber built heri In ' the well poor ' auntie fell, So now we use the' filter.' "Q'L." sends two neat completions ol the plug of dynamite ruthless" rhyme: Said the Coroner: "I've a hunch He'll not be home in time for'lunch.*Said the, Coroner:'""Mr; Gjj'zzle,. , Your bits will make a'jig-saw"puzzle.* * * *;'...■.• NEWS ODDITIES. A searcher in the Foreign Office file 3 of 'the French 'Government in Paris discovered that some " qne. has''reijioyed the German.' Declaration of War' delivered to France \ph'Augu'st 2, 19. H. ' ' ' ' ' ' "' '' '■"■'■'•' ': "Help! I've been robbed," shouted a voice, 'phoning Indianapolis' " police headquarters. "You've been robbed'?" "Well—half-robbed." ' "What' 'do ' you mean—half-robbed? ", "I "didn't" have any money," the voice replied. Spoons and forks we're banished from the spaghetti scene by Jimmy D'A'uria, twenty-one, winner of the spaghetti-eating contest 'in Buffalo, New York. He inhaled his share of approximately 4000 yards of the c'ordlilce paste in one minute and fifteen seconds. ■ "By using', the ' inhalation method," the chatnp. declared, "the spaghetti moves from plate to mouth without interruption. ' Besides, there is 'practically ho 'w,ear and tear on th? teeth." ' ''■ ' '■■•■■' v. * ' * * MORNING TEA MDNQL.QGUE. I'm not so fit. I never am When Heastertide approaches. D . . . n! Excuse me, please . . . that was a slip; Some'owl must of bit' me lip, An' ain't it painful! As I said, The munce' go by full steam a'ead, An' Heaster Heggs remind me, dear, We're gettin' older every year. They take me back to days uv youth, When tru);h was beauty, beauty truth, As Bracken wrote. It aint so in These times uy sprrer,. sweat-'n'-sin. Life's jesifc a racket,' an' us pore Can't see no beauty never more. Our eyes is dimmed with tears what "■fair; '.."".."; ■'" .'.-.".. ' : ■' '■; An' truth don't show 'e'r face a tall, Which gives me 'hinjxdspe'ction when Good Fridee 'apperis round agen. I mustn't moan like this: maybe, It's the old liver teasin' me. Uv course, I'll: buy some 'ot c'rprsi buns ' An Heaster Heggs—the bunny onef. I reckon Bill would like "it" so— ' '. "E's someth'ink uy a lad, you know, An' though 'a" fat, bald-'eaded 'man I sometimes call 'mi Wendy! P.an: Because '6 won't grp\v old! 'E plays With ' bratties "in their blie'rdays, Marbles-'n'-such, an 'bw ■' they scream To see 'im wolf a tall hice cream! A real big kid! Tomprrer, dear, We'll 'aye our party, never fear. There in the parlour all alone '< 'Ell be^ the Jarby, me the'Doan, An* so to bed'with great'content . . « Will you shout? I aint" goiter cent. * *'' * ■ , A SIMPLE .GAME. We haven't yet descended to golf, but when we do we shall remember the dicta of Joe Kirkwpod, prince of entertainers, trick-shot specialist, and purveyor of sound golf advice. Th« j secret of good golf, he claims, is a 16ng, easy swing, and striking" the ball a sweeping blow. "£>bn't waste your time about' it," Kirkwopd cpuiiselled a large Australian audience who had gathered at a swell country club to see him and Walter Hagen in action; "If you're going to.miss the ba)l, miss it quickly; Most people "go but on the links and suffer. Then they go home, and the rest of the. family suffers. Take it easy. Treat' it. .as a game." Too much concentration on a straight left arm, the pivot of the hips, and the rest of the pet theories by which" a golfer delights in making himself thoroughly miserable, do much' more . harm than good, says Joe. "A golfer)'he says, does not have to be conscious of natural movements. "The average player's mind is too active when he is Hitting the ball. You don't need an active mind to play this game. The dumber you are the better. Don't grip' the club as though it were your bank roll."----is Joe's advice. "Your best plan is to sneak up and hit the ball with your practice swing." The "dumber you are the better" makes a strong appeal to us as a slab of golf wisdom. It assures us that when we break into the' game we are going to enjoy it, though we shall never have Colonel Bogey, tearing his hair.