ETIQUETTE

Evening Post, Volume CXXIII, Issue 47, 25 February 1937, Page 19

ETIQUETTE

SEVENTY YEARS AGO

"LADIES, FIRST OF ALL"

It is called "Ladies, First Of All," and I purchased it in a second-hand shop for Is 6d, and have never regretted the money spent. It is a book of etiquette—a wonder and a delight to our less formal generation, writes Helen Heney in the "Sydney Morning Herald." It is undated, but a reference shows it must have appeared, or been revised, not long after the wedding of the future Edward VII to Alexandra.

Its scope is ambitious. It is divided into sections for ladies, putting the world from their point of view, and for gentlemen. It covers such delicate nuances as manners in the street —meeting tradesmen and servants — meeting gentlemen—the art of conversation (the voice, interruptions), pecuniary obligations to gentlemen—love letters—correspondence with gentlemen—conduct after refusal —unrequited attachment—misplaced affection —expressive attention (this under courtship)—dress in relation to form,

features, and complexion—travelling over the globe, and many others. There is, in fact, no possible situation on which it has not good advice and decided views. I can imagine the debutante with a copy on her table, flying to it in every awkward moment, and having it never fail. In fact, with Mrs. Beeton, it is a monument to Victorian efficiency.

But it shows its flavour best by quotation. Let every modern woman pay attention. Here is a hint on the important art of conversation with gentlemen. Jf you, want to converse, please remember that, "generally speaking, it is injudicious for ladies to attempt arguing with gentlemen on political and financial topics. All the information that a woman can possibly acquire or remember'is so small that the discussion will not elevate them in the opinion of masculine minds, so let her refrain from controversy on such topics as .the grasp of the female mind is seldom Capable of seizing or retaining."

Now for clothes. "Gloves should always be worn on exposure to the atmosphere, and are graceful at all times for a lady in the house, except at meals." One feels grateful to the author for granting her—or more probably his—readers, that little respite.

I Travelling had come into ■ its own. The author admits that "ladies of these islands hazard their lives annually clambering mp the Alps," but the dangers of which he is sensible are rather more subtle. A certain amount of lassitude is allowed on shipboard, as regards posture—"you may, in the saloon or on deck, rest in the manner which you find the most comfortable, provided always that you in no way interfere with the navigation of the ship"—but beware of taking the, arm lof an unknown gentleman. If the pitching of the vessel does not permit your walking alone, why walk at all? That is sensible enough. In : the book's day, there was something else to do on board ship—tea, toast, and fruit, at 6 a.m.; hot dishes, meats, jellies, fruits, and wines, at 9; cakes, fruit, and wine, at 12; at 4, dinner; at 6, tea, and for elderly ladies toddy at 8. There would not be too much leisure for walking. All the same, the hour of dinner is interesting, being that of Jane Austen's Georgian England, and that of the early days of Queen Victoria.

Riding is strongly recommended, and after notes on the habit, the whip, the posture, etc., we get a word of reassurance. "Accidents to ladies riding are very rare, and something of this is due to the noble nature of the horse, who has an instinct of gallantry which prompts him to be far more docile and gentle when ridden or driven by ladies than by the rougher sex. Every person much uSe/l,jto horses is acquainted with this excellent trait in their character." My comment on that is, how.regrettable that horses should be such good psychologists; mine recognised from the start that I was no lady, and treated me accordingly. I never had any chivalry at their hands —or, rather, hooves. ' ADVICE ON LOVE. But, as is only natural, it is on the subject of love that our etiquette book takes the trembling novice and leads her gently, carefully to the altar, and the subsequent reception, and continues after the honeymoon through early married life.

A young lady must be careful. "She will find men polite, assiduous, complimentary, admiring, and paying all those flatteries that are so agreeable and to the inexperienced so seductive." Then a particular admirer appears. "Love .in the heart of a woman should partake largely of the nature of gratitude; she should love, because she is already loved by someone deserving her regard." There is special advice for the girl who gets a proposal from a man whom she knows has been refused. "So far from it being any reason for not accepting a wise and good man when he offers himself to you. it should only increase your thankfulness to the power which reserved him for you, and to the lady through whose instrumentality he is still free to choose."

When he has been accepted, the vital matter of the trousseau crops up. It should include "an endless abundance of elegant nightcaps, and several bonnets." Lace dresses, feathers, and ribbons are recommended as suitable wedding presents. After the wedding, when the bride receives visits in her new home, a word of warning is sounded; "no flowers should be worn in the hair, though, lace, lappets and

velvet bows are admissible. At the parties the young couple may attend during the first month, there is nothing inappropriate in the bride's wearing some little badge of her new state, such as a dress looped up with orange flowers or a few orange blossoms in her hair," '