PIPE SMOKING

Evening Post, Volume CXXII, Issue 132, 1 December 1936, Page 18

PIPE SMOKING

PRACTICE OF THE ART

HELPFUL DETAILS

ltrcathes there a man with soul so dead Who never to himself has said, I. think I'll throw away this snipe. And start me in to smoko a pipe.

jj There comes a time in every man":; ir life when he wants to smoke a pipe, !. s and it is for the uninitiated souls that 'a I pen this article, -writes Tom Melville !ij in the "Winnipeg Free Press." There's s an old saying that a man can't help falling in love, but the stuff he smokes in his pipe is his own fault.- As all men are judged by their tobaccos, there is no doubt-but what the saying is true. Thus, if you contemplate the purchase of a pipe,, it is best to amass as much knowledge on the subject as you possibly can. Pipe smoking, after all, is an art, and deserves your every attention. To start with, there are three styles of. pipes, the straight style, the saxophone style, and the collegiate style. The first is straight-stemmed and never over five inches long,- while the second or saxophone style is bent in the middle, and the bowl is capable of holding a quarter-pound of shag at one time. The college pipe, affected by the youth of the country, is over a yard in length, and has to be pulled apart before it can be put in the pocket. Some of them are so long they have to be carted around in golf bags "and are often mistaken for putters. It is not.safe for a mature person to smoke one of these, although the college lads seem to get by safely enough. At one time an open season on college boys with pipes was a moot question, but nothing ever came of it. There are more things "shelved in. Parliament' than this world ever dreams TOBACCO NEXT. After you have purchased one of the above mentioned pipes, your .next move is to purchase some tobacco. You may use your own judgment in doing so, because one man's brand is usually another man's poison. Nevertheless, your big moment has arrived. Stuff your pipe to the limit with the weed, apply a match or two, and puff away for all you are worth. As an aroma akin to that of boiling cabbage fills the room, a mellow light appears in your eyes, and your entire face assumes a benevolent aspect. You are at peace with the world. Right now your wife could inform you that her mother is coming to spend the winter with-you, and you wouldnt even bat an eyelash. As the room turns from a blue haze into something like a forest fire, you are becoming a full-flSdged smoker. Keep on a-puffing, even though you now feel a wee bit green around the gills. It's determination that wins! After a bit, the room turns black and smoke starts to. pour out of the windows and door. Eventually some kindly neighbour calls the fire department, and the chief arrives just as you are knocking the ashes from the bowl of your brier. Regardless of what the fire chief says or thinks, you are now considered a true smoker, and you may. wend your way through all walks of life, with your p^ipe stuck firmly between your teeth without experiencing any embarrassment whatsoever. You've made the grade. Nevertheless, a pipe smoker's path is far from rosy. Sometimes he has to run the gauntlet of. severe criticism levelled at him by non-smokers. Should f you have occasion to light up in their presence, and one of them remarks that your pipe smells like someone is shoe-, ing a horse, pay no attention to the quip. The fellow is probably jealous, of your accomplishment. After al), to get the best out of a pipe, it should be a little on the vile side. . A SMOKE BARRAGE. Some people may even designate your tobacco as marsh hay, or oid« rubber heels. Laugh these accusations away. Do not lose your temper when some guy mentions something about your pipe smelling like a wet r goat beside a hot stove. Instead, puff j furiously away on the brier and lay , down a barrage of thick blue smoke ( that will surely win for you any argu- ] ment the lads may care to get into. You have a weapon much superior to i anything they have to offer. j Pipes, after some usage, are inclined ( to get a wee bit soggy, and may have to be overhauled. Authorities differ on this subject though, and there is no set rule. Some are in favour of a rigid non-cleaning rule, while others maintain that pipes come under Sec- ] tion A, sub-section D, paragraph six of 2 the Sanitary Act' of 1904. (See Hansard, page 9934). I say, let your con- I science be your guide. If your pipe becomes so crusted and so plugged, I that it neither draws nor lights, you really should do something about it. A plugged pipe is hard on matches, and many- a plugged-pipe smoker is traced . by the trail of. burnt matches he leaves in his wake. Criminals, of all people, should never have plugged pipes. There are several methods of holding a pipe in your mouth. Righthanders should keep their pipes over on the right-hand side of their mouths, while left-handers should naturally lean to the south side. If you are a Joe College keep the pipe right in the middle of your teeth at all'times. Good poise is essential.in. a good smoker. Always look as if you are enjoying your smoke, even 'though"youlTey.cs water and your mouth tastes as^if a bird had built a nest in it. Remember, it takes ten years to make a smoker, and after that you can stuff anything into your pipe from breakfast *sod to tarred rope, and thoroughly enjoy it, without suffering from any after effects whatsoever. . In closing, let me offer the following advice to new smokers. Accidents are bound.to befall you and ill-luck and bad matches may dog your footsteps. In spite of all this, keep your chin up and your pipe lit. Remember, too, It's easy enough io l>e pleasant And sunny ami that sort of tripe. Jtiit tho man worth while Ik the man who can smile Wlicu ho's busted the stem off his pipe.