POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXII, Issue 69, 18 September 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment By Percs Flage. Money talks. Are you following that case against the officials of the late (over-late) Democratic Party? »• * * Sanctions would need no backing of armed forces if League members hadn't anything to sell to the aggressor. * * » Short story: Two men walked into a local bank the other day and demanded money, and all they received was a cheek. * » # ■-.-<■■ • Wooden heads are not met with only amongst drivers on golf links (says Henry): they are also to be found amongst drivers on the roads. A French chef says that Englishmen, are forgetting how to eat.. Perhaps so; a lot of them haven't had much to practise on for some time. * * * An Australian politician says "the depression is now behind us." We know it is—it gives everybody a kict in the seat of the pants occasionally.' * ■ • ■ » : ' RECIPE; ' Dear Percy Flage,—l am very indignant at the Mayor's words, so I took advantage of your invitation of the 15th instant to write a recipe for a perfect

Mayor. Here it is:—Take one good sound man, test if perfect, mix with one shovelful each- of humour and common sense, sift well, rub in two shovelsful of TACT. Sprinkle well with first-class brains and elementary knowledge of the country, mix to a stiff dough with elbow grease, swathe in red robes, place in office for twelve months. If not satisfactory, disrobe, and disrate to ordinary citizenship.

(Sgd.) INDIGNANT YOUNG COOK. *■#■'•'

BRAIN-TEASER,

Here is the official answer to last week's intelligence test:—Each of the men travelled extensively around the world, one always going the westerlyroute, the other the easterly route. If both crossed the international date line: 50 times, one would gain 50 days, tha other would lose 50 days. Alternatively (per "Mike Bonometer" and "Blotto") one brother spent summer! holidays within the. Antarctic Circle, when that region has a six-months "day" (to be followed by a six months* "night"), while the other brother had enjoyed 101 sunrises in the usual way, giving him the necessary lead. Otf words to that effect.' Late solvers: "Kingi" (Nelson) and "Mag. Sulf."

POTTED POMES. This is believed to be the shortest poem in existence: — We De- ' Spise Flies. ANA NIAS REDIVTVUS.. This is our black week. First w* were crashed on that Cobb-Edge par, and now G.W. (Karori) trips us up on. the authorship of that clever epigram ascribed to Hilaire Eelloc, the whila he corrects "Arsenic Annie's" version, of it. Here are the lines as W, E Ewer wrote them: — How odd That God To choose The Jews. "What will our editor think of us? Warnings to Motorists High speed, 'No heed, Car bust. . . Dust to dust! S.D.§. * ' '■» ■ * HITLER'S KISS. In reply to "Just ' Curious."—Th« woman who gave the Fuhrer that smack at the Olympic Games Californian. Here's the rest of the story: Hitler was watching the swimming competition when the woman, a Mrs. Devries, drew a spill of paper from a handbag and asked for his autograph. Hitler looked up, smiled, and signed his name. Then the lady, elated by her success, leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. Perturbed guards made a pretence pf chasing her, but desisted when they saw her leave the stadium with an escort: Later on, when interviewed, Mr=. Devries said: "Oh, I am so happy! I didn't do it for a bet. All I wanted was to get his autograph. But when I found myself standing so .close.to him my enthusiasm just overcame me. The best part of it all is that my husband the whole scene with, his movie camera. Hitler was ever so nice about it all. He was not a D^ cross." * *■■*..■■ THE APOLOGY. If to his wife some cruel man Should coldly say, "My lass, Though other virtues you may own, At cooking you're an ass"; Sure, the wise woman will not weeft If this should come to pass. Nor will she glower, with looks so SOUS As turn the milk to curdsDemanding an apology For his unthankful words— No, no; her tones will still be sweet As those of chirping birds. "If I have failed you in the past, I shall not fail you now; I fain would clear the worried looK From off your comely brow; . Come home to dinner, dear, my lord, And I will show you how. He comes (he really can't do less), j And on his table sees . A perfect meal, on cloth of snow-« A sight a prince to please— ■. ■ . , Soup, salad, savoury, and sweet, Which brings him to his knees. So. if they say you cannot cook, Fair ladies, do not cry; - • What you can do, in this hard world* You don't know till you try. A. * ■#■•». MORE COUBT SHORTS. These, from the usual London source* were passed on by "LafT," Petone: Wife: "When my husband retired last year on two pensions, and deserted me, I went in for poor law relief. Constable (in motoring case): 'The defendant's speedometer registered eight miles an hour when his car was stationary." Prisoner: "If the constable will noS tell all the truth about my goings-cn I will take the oath myself." Wife: "My husband is of such a mean and jealous disposition, that he would [follow his own shadow if he thought it was going, to get - something for nothing." Woman: "My daughter was walking: out with a young man who wore 'drain-pipe' trousers, and boots bis enough for a policeman of a superior rank." | Husband: "I saw you twice in th* High Street". Wife: "That proves he had had one over the eight." Husband: "I often crack jokes with my wife, and I stop 2d out of hesj wsges for each name she calls me"' j