POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXII, Issue 68, 17 September 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

By Percy Flack.

Chronicle and Comment

It's our experience that when it doe 3 rain it's the pessimist who has an umbrella. •; • *#. • v We hazard a guess that Mr. Semple'a gold scissors would not be of mush v--"1 in helpirg the GoverVnent tt «:ut i'l social and economic (Wdiai* knot. « * • • ■. •■■ One of our young poets says ■ ha writes because he simply cannot help it. Well, that is as good an excuse as any. * " •■■■■•■■■♦■•'■ In the amazing U.S.A. a newspaper has become a business enterprise that prints for nothing the political speeches the radio gets for transmitting the night before. * • # Stands England where she did? Not Not when we hear that the amateurs arid professionals of the M.C.C. team are dining at the same ship-boardi tables. ■-'•... . * * » . TOPOGRAPHICAL NOTE; The way to Heaven: Turn to the right and keep straight} on. So now you know. NEMO. *• . • BRAIN-TEASER. So far, not a wealth of answers to last Saturday's problem. Several of our clever solvers seem to have fallen by the wayside; maybe they ran out of aspirin. However, the successful ones to date are "Blotto" ('-'this appears to be the best one you've offered since the blue and white crosses of long ago"), "Mike Rononfeter" (whose strictly legal mind finds a flaw in the conditions), "Jo Wite," "Mutt and Jeff" ("give us something harder next time ... best wishes for your column"), "Mrs. Micawber" (who attaches a Spoonerism to his note), Emmett Walpole ("I felt quite clever about it"), and "Rex" (who sends a teaser of hisf own finding, and, incidentally, asks: Who is the "Mr. Fanackerpan". men-. tioned by the Wesson brothers in their! record entitled "After All That"?) . «, * * LET NO DOG BARK. Therefore take heed ye Civil Servants of this NEW COMMANDMENT. • "Thou shalt do no work for money or reward on ■Saturdays." But, .one asked: "Is not that in conflict with."the existing law? For is it not written in the Statutes of Moses in:.the Exodus, section clause nine..... . '. . ."'Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work,' and there, are ten of these Laws. . ■ i "Well, they are Ned Kelly laws anyway, and we shall clean them all up. In any case-we must alter .that one; ; it's only common §ense. We'll pass this simple amending measure: 'Five days shalt thou labour ■ and do all thy, work, and woe betide anybody that comes any six day stunts.' I hay« spoken." ROSENEATH. * ♦ .# :■' "■■ THE KING'S COCKTAIL. That new cocktail,, which is on everybody's, lips over London way, sounds a "corker,", but there is one which looks'even more exciting to our sensitive palate. It is'the one compounded by' King Edward during his ■recent holiday.' ■ At: Dubrovnik -Yugoslavia,' "Edward"' turned" bar Tender" for the evening for his guests/ "and produced a drink with • a two-mule-power kick in it which they named the "King Edward cocktail." Having previously given the stewards of the town's leading hotel four hours' notice to lay in liberal supplies of ingredients and trimmings, Edward returned from his swim, and, dressed in a blue sailor shirt and white slacks, took charge of the bar. His exact recipe was riot learned, but waiters used the following approximation of the "spot": —One-third of gin, a small quantity of sugar and ice, two jiggers of Dalmatian liquor resembling .chartreuse, Dalmatian champagne, and various fruits, including olives and lemon peel. It went down-terribly well with; the; Royal party. ■ :■' ',. . #. ♦ ' * MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. (The Prodigal Daughter Returns.) Well, 'ere I'm back agen, ole dear. I only wish that Flage was 'ere! Did 'c go snaky, so to .speak, Becos I missed a beat larst week! I'll say 'c did. What right 'as 'c To come the Roman, dear, on me! Too true *c ain't. I guess that Flag« Is jealous ... fancy, at hees age! It sorter gets beneath hees skin To 'aye a rival bargin' in, An' 'Emi—yes, I calls 'im 'Emi— Was awful pleased to come-'n'-see me. We'ad a merry tater tate (Bill sparkin' well), an' stayed up late. This Tango chap's a real good sort; You should of seen " the "spots" '• brought, With hextra special cigs for Mame, An' I was very touched by same. 'E looks a married man . . . but that You'd better keep beneath your-'at. My troubles, dearie, if 'c is— I guess that's someone else's biz. I'm no 'ome-wrccker, as you know, But my ole Bill is rather slow An' stoopid . . . 'asn't got the mind The which in Mr. P. I find. 'E talked about the weather till We 'card a snore—it came from Bill. Hees views on woman's rights is mine, Likewise 'c thinks the Government's ■' 'fine, /:' .. ' '■' i■' V • An' can 'c draw a cork? JE can, Better than any hother man, An' at the gate hees 'and-grip strong Seemed to 'old mine a trifle long, The which it thrilled me. to.,the bone, Seem' as 'ow we was alone. It's hees turn nex' to throw a party . . . Drink to me with them eyes—an 'earty! * ■»■.»' MORE "TREASON." McMahon would not have escaped so lightly had he lived in the days of "Good Queen Bess," who had her own way when it came to dealing with traitors, proved or suspect. On one occasion she was informed that she had "nearly become the victim of a plot to assassinate her." .Highly indignant, she gave orders that the malefactor, when caught, should be "given a taste I of the rack that ha might feel the,.sting of it, and for the better boultmg out the truth of the business." As there did not seem to be any plot, the Queen's personal band of toadies arrested a soldier and charged him with High Treason. The poor wretch had not the faintest idea of what it was all about, so as a means of jogging his memory : they put him on the rack with the avowed intention of "making him^ a foot longer than God had meant him to be." Under terrible torture, the soldier confessed to smearing poison on the Queen's saddle when she was about to go riding. The fact that the soldier could not possibly have had access to the Queen's sacjdlery was a detail that his inquisitors ignored; 'hey piM^iptl.'i returned him to the rack «ra de-r manded the name of the man who gave him the poison. Desperate, the soldier named a couple of priests who knew rather less about the affair than he did. There is a whole lot more attached to the story, but the rub of it is tha* all three of the accused, were duly done, to death on the Queen's recommendation. ■"■■••