POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXI, Issue 129, 2 June 1936, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By Percy Flace.

Reported that Paul Boesch has twa lovely ''cauliflowers." Why not turn white butterflies loose on them, Paul? ■> « • Our private opinion is that a line umpire who carries out his duties with a cardboard shield over one eye is sura to be one-eyed. ■» * * "Just Me" 'phoned us this day: "It we are to have women police in 'New Zealand I nominate in advance Mistress McClancy as chief of the petticoated squad." Naturally, we second the motion. «■ * * "Symbolicus."—The Hon. W. Nash wants everyone to have a house with a door to shut, but that does not appear to be everybody's ideal. With a shut door, what chance of a getaway when the missus flares up? Or perhaps I have wandered into the wrong Houm of Parliament, what!. «■ * * BRAIN-TEASER. A bunch of answers to Saturday'! little problem, with the majority thi« time scoring a bull with their sighter. The following Postscripters pass tha intelligence test with honours: "Phil Osopher" (who thinks our teasers are below the average Postscripter's I mental capacity), "Epee" (who sends one of his own—it looks tricky), K.R.P. (something of a punster), Alan iB., Scotty Morris (who suggests that ''Short Tack" should pass the "test" on to Long Tack at his working address), J.A.D., and "John Sudden," D.0.G.5.8.0. D.Y." Five others missed the tat* get altogether.

INQUIRY DEPARTMENT. J.R.—Probably you were thinking of Prince Napoleon, son of Napoleon 111, Emperor of France. After the Franco* German War, 1870-71, Napoleon 111 and the Empress Eugenie went to England. Their son, known as the Prince In> perial, was a cadet at a British military college. He begged to be allowed to take service with the British troops in the Zulu War, was given an appoint* rhent on the staff of the G.0.C., and was killed. . "Cop-a-corn, "Where's the Catch* and several ethers.—You read that note carelessly. What it said was: "1914 pennies are worth £7 19s 6d,* not "worth £7 19s 6d each"! "Pam."—That pons asinorunt. quip, invented years ago, is still being worked by patter merchants over th» ail*. ' * # ■* ' SISTERLY OBSERVATION. How many steps are required to make Astaire (front name, Fred)? Fred is the most loose-legged, light-footed hula-hipped phenomenon we have not yet seen, though we've read about him.' And now here's his sister Adele (Lady Charles Cavendish to you), Fred's former dancing partner, giving us ft close-up of her famous brother. "You know," she writes, "those four little worry wrinkles that droop away from a dachshund's eyes and make it look so sad and so terribly appealing?. Sometimes Fred's got that look to me. Maybe that's why I love dachshunds —they remind me of Fred. When I get back to Ireland I'm going to get eight of them. Big dachshunds that will have little dachshunds romping sadly all around. I can look at them and , see Fred. Fred was never satisfied with anything he'd do on the stage," she continues. "He takes it so hard you can't talk to him about it.». .'« All the time he's climbing he's worrying he's slipping. It just knocks me cold how he's developed. No, it isn't that he's developed. He's always had what he's got now, but it never got a chance to show till I left." Adele adds that Fred has his share of sex appeal, though he doesn't look like it, but, that is scarcely a subject for prosaic Postscripts.

ON THE BOIL. Dear Flage,—l was guilty of the 647-word effort of last week, but let me defend myself— My guilty conseience moves me to express myself in verse. Who ever heard of poets, even Shakespeare, being terse? It would take him fifty million playi to even line his purse If he "boiled it down." Let's try your great suggestion in som* other walks of life, Let's enter into politics, the field of gaseous strife; a politician would be living on his wife If he "boiled it down." Just look at all the lawyers in tht ,Law Courts of the land: If they cut down' the evidence of clients in the stand, Why they, wouldn't have the sand t» ask the fees that they demand If they "boiled it down." In conclusion, my dear Percival, you* words are not all lies, * There are some who trust you blindly and see truth beam in your eyes: It's the laundry. They returned my shirt just half its proper size— They "boiled it down." UNCLE ERNIE. •* * * "SWEETS OF OFFICE." ~ The proposal to raise the salaried paid to great officers of State in Britain recalls one of the most curious bypaths of the country's political history. The Prime Minister ranks today as the first servant of the King. But as Prime Minister he receives no salary. Owing to the jealousy of colleagues and the House of Commons in the eighteenth century, and even later, his very existence was not recognised in the tables of precedence until 1905, and his salary of £5000 a year, plus a house free of rates and taxes, is in virtue of his holding the sinecure office of First Lord of the Treasury. The Treasury itself, which was the greatest of all the plums of office under the Tudors and Stuarts, has been in commission for 200 years. The Prime Minister receives no pension. The Secretaries of Stat* have been more fortunate. With fewer - responsibilities, they are paid at the same rate as the Prime Minister. It was not always so. Mr. Eden's £5000 a year contrasts strangely with his pie* decessor John Milton's salary of lto IOJd a day, or £288 13s 6Jd a year, plus table money for distinguished guest* under the Commonwealth. Addison received £1000 a year, and added a sinecure or so. On the other hand, some official posts were more lucrative two centuries ago than today. The Board of Trade was so well worth having that one of Mr. Runciman's predecessors bribed a King's mistress to obtain it for him with a present of £500 and a pair of diamond earrings. There were many other sinecures, such as the Tellership of the Exchequer at £500 a year for life, which Montagu conferred on. his brother with a private arrangement that most of the income should be paid over to himself. Horace Walpole did better still, receiving £800 a year as Auditor of American Revenues, with no duties to perform; while Lord Grenville, as Foreign Secretary, obtained the Auditorshlp of the Exchequer at £4000 a year, and held it for forty w« without «nt»fc ing the office