POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIX, Issue 35, 11 February 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

8Y PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Again, hard times mean the end of lots of soft jobs. ; ■:■■.•' ■'■.'.• '' - * ■ ■'■ : '■ No one should be shocked that the Prince of Wales (at Kitzbuhel) never dresses for dinner. Probably he has a rag or two on for breakfast 'an* lunch. '•;.■ "■ -•■'•>.■ - *>:: '-.'■■.* ■' , "Mitera": Hori was asked how far it was from Ttatana to Wanganui. "Py te way te crow he fly te twentyfive mile; if te crow go te pakeha Way te forty mile." * • • Having abolished Consular relations with Russia, it is expected that America's next move will be to demand the return of the N.R.A. badgo which was pinned in M. JLitvinofFa lapel when the treaty was signed. * • « ' JINGLE. Dear Flage,—ln the papers the other day we read that Dr. Sheppard, London, gave a strong anti-war address in. which he quoted the old jingle: Whene'er I take my walks abroad What crazy folks I see, But 10, the goodness of the Lord, They think the same of me. But when .Dr. Sheppard was about it why did he not complete the lines? He makes the stormy winds that blow The ladies', skirts on high, He also makes the dust to go Into the. bad man's eye. DRUM. * ■» * MORE ODD ACCIDENTS. A little girl swallowed a nail She "VVMb\r"£ operated °n for its removal at the Viborg (Finland) hospital when suddenly she coughed it up. It penetrated .-the left eye of the . surgeon, bending over her. He had to be operated on immediately for the removal of the nail from his eye, and it is hoped that his sight will be saved. .- . ■ ..';.. ~ Talking of golf accidents. Last year" a golfer became so elated over having sunk a long, putt for a birdie that he attempted to execute a front flip."The flip was a flop, and he fractured an. ankle. Another golfer was struck by a fellow-player's club, which" knocked his denture down his throat. • Still another was making some practice .shots with a pipe in his niouth. The shaft of the club crashed ~ against the pipe, knocking it/back: into his mouth, and breaking out three teeth. ■ .'■." A fourth golfer whittled away at a golf ball to learn what was inside'it. He found out, to his sorrow.-w-: The ball exploded, scattering acid, which- .all but destroyed the sight of: one eye. •'-'■ -■''- '~. '■•■■'•'- ■- ■" *. -■ ' #':■--■'. ~'• •.'■ ~■ * : \- ;■; ';" . ' ,' INVECTIVE. [, / '"./ ' "', . ■;''.". "' ' ' There is a slump in the, art,of invective./: Possibly Lloyd George, in- his Limehouse: days, was the last British exponent of any importance. But, the fiery ■Welshman, even at his best (on worst), is outdistanced by the Cossack chief, Hetman- Ivan : Sirko, whose "retort courteous" to Sultan Mohammed IV of Turkey (1648-1687) is the most defiant letter ever ..written from the head of one State to another. The Turk, exasperated by the. cpn> stant raids on his territory and the continual flouting of his authority by the Cossacks of Southern Ukrainia, .-'. disj patched to them a message in 'Which —after enumerating all his titles—he threatened dire reprisals. The Cossack chief replied in these terms: Thou Turkish Satan—brother of the DeviL What manner of beast art thou? . The Evil One rejects what thou swallowest! We fear not thy'army, thou Babylonian cook,. Macedonian stavebinder, brewer of Jerusalem, Alexandrian goatthief, Egyptian swineherd, Tartar ram, Kamenetz butcher boy, Podolian evildoer, seed of the very Devil, clown 08 Hades, swine-snout and horse's tail, red-haired she-dog, unbaptised skull— may the Evil One catch thee! The data we know not, for we have no calendar. The moon" is in the sky, the year in tha book, and outside of this' it is the same day here as with thee! Sirok rather over-emphasises things; but you see what he means. * • * TE ARO BATHS. It's hot today. I'd like a swim. I mean a swim—not just a splash. , I'm filled with vigour, too, and vim. I've got my gown. I've got the cash* Time was, and not so long ago, When I, in ignorance, would go— [ Oh, Mr. Flage, it chills me marrow— i I'd go a-swimming at Te Aro. And now (I read it through sny tearsX The baths have not been cleaned fon years. . . "For over twenty years," they say.. . • The baths at Oriental Bay. Surf-bathing? No! I'll tell you why, I'm not a prude—Gadzooks, not I— But where' is one to get undressed? Ye city/councillors and Mayor, Just listen to a maiden's prayer (No need to blush,' or look distressed). I've suffered long,. alas, - alack, I've spent my hard-earned money there, Well! Now;I want my money-back. I'm hot just trying to 'be funny, BUT WILL YOU GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY? ' SIDESTROKE. * ■.■'■ •■ ■ ■ ♦ KUBLAI.KHAN'S NEW..DEAL. As set down in 'The -Travels, ofl Marco Polo," Everyman Edition. MONEY.—This paper Currency is circulated in every part of the Grand ■Khan's -dominions; nor does any person at any time at the peril of his lifa. refuse to accept it in payment ■Should anyone be desirous of procuring'gold or silver for the purpose o$ manufacture, they apply at the mint, POOR RELIEF.—The Grand KharS distributes^ large quantiies of grain toi his subjects. He provides in like manner for their clothing. Not a day; passes "in which there are not distributed 20,000 vessels of rice, millet, and panicum.l rßy reason of this admirable \: and astonishing liberality; which- the Grand Khan exercise's to•wards'the poor, the people all adorei him" as.a divinity. - ;-; .. , : FARM : RELIEF.—In ■ the .case 08 dearth, he furnishes ,them.'.' from ■ his) granaries 'with'so-much corn' as is necessary for. their subsistence aa well as for the sowing of their land. He also refrains from exacting the usual, tribute. In like manner if there is a mortality of cattle in any district he makes good the loss to "the sufferers. Moreover, he-does not demand the" tenth of "the increase for 'three years. .; • ■ k~_' ■■■ .[:■■....■._ y '■■■■'' ' .'.'■ .; CONTROL. OF PRODUCTION.—So great indeed * is, the quantity Hhat'il every individual be permitted to' search for them, their value would become trifling. Hence fishery, is prohibited to all who do not obtain a. i licence. ;' j; No _ person dare work the silver, gold, 'or ruby mines under pHin of death, unless he obtains his/Majesty's licence. ■.. .These: articles ;c^ , not be exported without his permission, for he thinks bis credit 3? conbectsci wit!!( them and hence he wishes to maintain their ...high price. .■.-: ■-.". ':■■.'.[ . ; PUBLIC WORKS.—When tiie inhabitants of the city wish, to give a sumptuous entertainment 'they- resort to one of these islands, where every article for their purpose is provided by the common expense of the dtt> zens, by whom the buildings were- also erected. ■:..', - . ~: . ..„ ... .

DRUM.