POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVIII, Issue 50, 28 August 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

The Douglas Credit scheme is Hot dead in New Zealand either. Its sign plate is still to be seen in several of our cities. Definition: An optimist is one who firmly believes that, civilisation will survive iv spite of everything done to save it. * * » Mo mc.l body goes on record with a surnriso that in its decision to abolish the duty on British pianos the Government was "largely influenced from an educational standpoint." Maybe. It is well known that Cabinet is crazy about music—particularly chin music. APT. Rear Flage,—With the name of the author abbreviated the following quotation might very well be appropriately applied to the Rt. Hon. Minister of Finance. • "For this relief much thanks." —Shake. WINSH. *. •» » OH, BUTCHER! Dear Flage,—l was once the only employee in a butcher's shop, and a lady, who dealt elsewhere, occasionally sought bargains. She telephoned: "Have you a sheep's'head?" "No," replied the butcher suavely. "Have you?" After the storm had subsided, ho inquired: "Would you like the eyes left, in madam?" "Whatever for?" "Oh, I thought it would see you through the week!" -Curtain. ONE OF THE YOUTHS. « » * L'MBKELLA AW RAPIER. .Flage,—The enclosed clipping has » bearing ou two subjects touched upon in Column B—queer fatalities and 'the old law of manbote. An umbrella used as.a rapier cost the life of Luigi Bertolucci and a 3000-dollar fine for his friend Amerigo Brunetti, Italian sculptor. When they quarrelled, Brunetti thrust with. Ms rolled umbrella, tho ferulo penetrating Bertolueei's eye and brain. The artist was acquitted on a slaying charge but was ordered to pay damages to the victim'• widow, RIPOSTE. •» -X # A NEAV PROFESSION^ "Percy Cute" (of the fair sex, by the way) introduced us (per newspaper clipping) to what must be one of the strangest professions in the world. An Englishman motoring in Lisbon knocked down a man who suddenly stepped off tho pavement. "Awful pain," groaned the victim, '' give mo ton shillings and I'll tell the police it was my fault." The Englishman refused to pay. Then it was found that the pedestrian had had many similar accidents. In fact, he has been making quite . a good living by getting knocked down and bluffing motorists into paying up in order tv avoid trouble. « •* *• WOMAN "PLUNGER." Tho material for this note was supplied by "Martha Flaw," Petone, whose eye was caught by a Postscripts reference to England's woman bookmaker. "Maitha" deals with one who is described as the "most spectacular successful woman punter the racecourses (English) have ever seen." She is Mrs. J. V. Rank, "petite, pretty, qnd bluc-eyod." She is also tho wife of the eldest son of the Yorkshire mils lionairo miller, who has given hundreds of thousands of pounds to Methodist organisations. Both Mrs. J. V. Rank and her husband are enthusiastic racohorse owners. Mrs. Rank travels the country to every race meeting. Old hands say that she is tho heaviest woman punter within memory—and the most fascinating. She has been seen to spread a» much as £3000 among a row of bookmakers oil one race. Trainers, breeders, and other Turf experts give her advice. "I am a practical woman," says Mrs. Rank, "and there is no nonsense about my way of betting. I study tho horses, and I have good advice. I make my bets carefully." Even so, it is as well that she has a millionaire's son's bank account to work on. '.> # » SORRIE—AND GLADE THINGS. In your column on August 23 there was a verse headed, "Three sorrie things," which might here be repeated: Three sorrie things there be, Ay, three! A nest from which the fledglings hay« been taken A lamb forsaken; A red leaf from the wild rose rudely shaken. The following verse should also accompany the above: — Of glade things there be more, Ay, four! A lark above tho old nest blithely singing;. The wild rose clinging in safety to a rock; A shepherd bringing the found lamb in his arms; And Christmasse bells a-ringing. The following will be recognised at from Proverbs xxx, IS-19: — There bo three things which are too wonderful for mej yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the ' sea"; and the . way of a man with • a maid. Yours, etc., xyz: Wellington. Tho complete poem was sent in by; E. Wiseman, Island Bay, also. TTI X "OLE IX THE ROAD. By oripe.s, "Surge!'' "Lofty" and "I were: two of! the poor unfortunates that got bogged in thut No Man's Land of Karori which "Mac"' wrote you about. We had an invitation to visit an old cobber out there. Well, you know how it is on Saturday evening. We have a few '•'stings" and away we go. "Lofty"' was for getting a taxi, but funds were low, so 1 haul him into a streetcar. It seems wo travel round curves, up spirals, and through tunnels. At last tho conductor calls out: "Here y'are, gents! That's the street y'r want." We hop out into, a cold, windy, wet night, and all tho Street lamps are out. Well, you know how it is trying to find a houso under conditions like that. At first the going is not so bad, but then we strike the crook stuff. I slide ankle deep into mud, which is not so hot, as I'm wearing new shoes. Then a gust of wind carries "Lofty's" hat across the road. Ho slithers after it, trips into a shell hole, and that's the end of half a bottle in his hip pocket. We grab hold of fences, gates, and posts—anything to give us support—but make little progress. Finally, a search party locates us and escorts us to the dug-out. "Better have one," says our cobber, but we needed about twentyone. Yes, it whs Campbell Street all right, but it' you'd heard our language you'd have thought wo were slogging it up Shrapnel Gully.

"DIG." AVKVKb. \W lrl ;i t:ixi plough through th« mud i'or us ciuuing lunne.