POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVIII, Issue 32, 7 August 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Definition: A philosopher is one who doesn't worry about things he can'.ij help. ' "■■.,.• .'■.',■•'• :'■'«. «• * . '..'...■ An absent-minded citizen. He .received his rates notice on and did not pay them until .yesterday! « * • "Parsonsomia."—We lead that' there's to be another lee Age 10,000 years hence. Going to buy a; fur coatf, • # * , ■» Then there was the johnny who borrowed a penny stamp to mail a letter to Mr. Coates, say, telling Mm how to put the country on a sound economic basis. * ■* * Somehow that sixer of Woodf nil's and his last two big innings irresistibly remind us of a tamo rabbit that developed rabies and rushed out and bit a policeman. * » & LEFT-HANDED LETTERS. Flage,—Have you room for thest "Southpaw" letters? The first is from a West Country odd-job gardener who combined tho duties of gravedigger. "I shall have to change my day for your gardening- this Wednesday as 1 shall be busy a-burying of poor old G • S- . I won't do this again, unless, of course, it's to oblige you.— John Brown." From a village, church handyman:—" "Derc Sir, to hagitatin tho Bell an. filing tho orgen with wind ss. Tour* with plcsnre.—T A ." BELLE E. COSE. P;timer»ton North. BANK HOLIDAYS. Yesterday was Bank Holiday in Engi land and, we note, in New South Wales. Bank Holidays were "invented" bjthat mid-Victorian Admirable Crichton,i Sir- John Lubboek, first Lord Avebiiry* Lubbock was one of the eleven ehiloV ren of a prosperous 'banker, and his own' family numbered ten. Tho . idea of Bank Holidays was born when young Lubbock, when an apprentice at his father's bank, was refused a day offi to play cricket. The Bank Holiday Act passed by a .fluke through the somnolent Parliament of 1875. Tho vested my . torosts who thought it applied only t« banks were furious, but Lubboek was proclaimed the people's "saint" and if tho citizens of Greater London hail had to eloct an admiral of the fleet or an Archbishop of Canterbury, he would have been their choice. During tho thirty years Sir John Lubbock sat in Parliament he was responsible foj: thirty-four Bills passing into law —more than any man had sponsored since tho Eeform Act. They ranged from the Bank Holidays, Act to measures dealing with Ancient Monuments, absconding debtors, Greek marriages, and chairs for shopgirls'.1 *■..». ■*. HUSBANDS' KISSING CLTJB. America is the land of freak club* as woll as of tho wooden nutmeg. There is tho skeleton at tho feast club* mentioned tho other day. • Down .sonic-* where in the Middle West ther^is, or was a year or two ago, a club, eligil' bility for which consistod of topping the beam at a minimum of 2801b. Two of the foundation members of this organisation pulled dowii tho beam at 3781b and 3491b respectively. One of tho crankiest is a Husbands' Gratitude Club, organised by the spiritual head of the Industrial Christian Church, Oklahoma City. Thirty husbands have signed the plcdgo to kiss their wives at least onco a day. The founder-of• the club expects to have at least a! hundred husbands in the organisation by the first meeting in August. The mem* bers take-tho following pledge: "X solemnly pledge myself daily to embrace my wife,' kiss her, and toll her i love her. I promiso to compliment lies at least onco a day on some particular, part of tho menu she prepares. I promise' to perform at least one kind and tinex-1 pected deed for her daily.". So tho' matrimonial ad astra movement forges aloft in the States, to the enhancement' of tho Americana department of tho '.' American Mercury.'' «• «• «• HERE'S PUBLICITY. One of our New Zealand student! at present in tho groat and glorious U.S.A. on a serious mission has found diversion in the roadside advertisements which add j>iquancy to the landscape. One sorics encountered everywhere was produced by a firm selling a shaving cream. Theso signs would bo always 'on the right-hand' side of the road, spread over about'eight or nine placards at a distance of 100 yards apaifc* Hero's a fragrant publicity posy:-* Pity all tho mighty Caesars, Pulled each whisker out with tweezers* He had the ring, he had the flat, Sho felt his chin, and that was that The answer to tho maiden's prayer, A chin quite froo of stubbly hair. Tho answer to a shaver's dream — A grcaseless, no-brush shaving croanC College boys, your courage muster! Shavo off that fuzzy cookie-duster. lie played tho sax, had' no 8.0., But* his whiskers scratched; she • le^ him go. When cutting whiskers, tliero's no ncoj To leave one-half of them for seed. Beneath this stone lies Elmer Gush, Tickled to death by his shaving brualfc Every day wo do our part, To make your face a work of art. Tho bearded lady bought a jar: She's now a famous movie star. Prickly beard and silky fuz, ■Shave them back to -where thoy wass * <* # AUSTRALIA'S "ABO" ELEVEN, "full Toss" asks if it is true that! Australia's first team to visit England was composed of aboriginal?. It was. The only white man on the side was a Mr. Couscns, their coach and captain. The dark tourists opened the sorics at Ihe Oval on May 25, 3 868. Hero ara tho names of some of them: Charlie; Dumas, Red Cap, Mosquits, Bullocky, Tiger, Mallagh, and Dick-a-Dick.- They; playod baro-footed, and their running between tho wickets was a sight to Bee —and hear. They would gallop up and down tho pitch screaming and shouting their native "back chat" at one another. As an "extra" after a. match the "boys" would stage a game called "Throw 'em ball." Dick-a-Diok, Builick, and 'Squiter were tho experts at this display. One of tho trio would stand out alone in tho middle of the ground with nothing but a short thick stick to defend Minself, and at a dis» tance of twenty yards.two of;his white opponents, supplied with innumerable cricket balls, would throw them at him as hard and as fast as they_ could. Jabbering without ceasing, dodging thW way, then that, ducking his head, jump* ing into tho air, falling flat 'on the ground, and now and then warding off a certain hit with his stick, ho wouWi defy the two throwers until they word exhausted. But their star turn wa?| boomerang-throwing,' which can b8 really thrilling. Financially tho touij was very successful. Wherever-th,?.! >w*ft^^tTOsSAHßfl