POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVII, Issue 75, 29 March 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

As-usual, *our unfin'aneial year, -will not end on March 31. " • - « « * Conforming to his spare frame, Mr. Shaw's wit appears to be weann" a trifle thin. ' *- * * Insull's fortunes (and those of others) have been well and truly sunk, but the gentleman himself is still afloat. That was a: blistering hot and extremely cross buii Congress formally handed to Mr. President Boosevelt as an Easter souvenir. ■' • I am rather intrigued by a poster nowbeing displayed in the city boosting •';..'. the VOCAL ORGANIST! Has this anything to do with soup drinking? ..:.-• PU2ZLED.; :': '-.-.* * ; « ' '- . ...''■•'.- :. " ME'iN. ■'■[ '.■.::'.-:-■ ■ r Flage,—Not so long since you produced for us the meanest man in TJ.S.aV —the chap who stole the'blanket from a baby's perambulator, leaving the small person exposed to.- a temperature of something below zero. Well, •here's Ms brother. Some weeks ago a man was fined £7 10s at Carlisle, England, for stealing a bicycle. He was described by a police witness as "the meanest man I know. He owns two farms but he will wait all night on the road for a lift." •' ' . - -.-■•■"■,■ ■■'■•' PSHAW. * * * .'■:' TEBSE. Two Amherst (U.S.A.) graduates attending the international radio-tele-graphic conference in Madrid 'decided* to give an Amherst dinner.'Sixtyrfive delegates attended the affair at the Palace Hotel. provide a grand climax for the party the hosts had sent a long cable to Calvin Co olidge, an. Amherst graduate, explaining the situation and asking him to send a suitable message to b»re«d »t the dinner. They also emphasised that the delegates had the- privilege of free transmission of messages—a hint to" thei former President* to expand his reply. The dinner was marked by long speeches. Then came the big,moment. One of the hosts arose and read thatmessage from Coolidge. ' It said: , --. - • "Greetings." ' - * ■,'■"'"-■ .'*-.-: -f ' * ■■ \ .. ■ BOUTS RIMES. ,;. ■. ':.',[' Dear Percy,—l appeared in your column.two or three years ago under the. uom de plume of* "Kiwi."r : Yoii have forgotten this illustrious event,-but it was in the days of theyoung girl of Kaiwarra. . "Well, here I am again, with a little advice to girls. "What th.o' your arms. and legs be bare • .For dashing in the sea, ■■■' You tuck in rubber caps, your hair, But see that limbs and backs are f re«* Salt water does not harm, the eyes Nor dim their lustrous charms, But red-heads look at me—be wise, "You'll freckle on the arms.- ---; i Yours inanely, .-.„.. ■ - ' ' KIWI. The first of our bouts rimes—and Q neat one. Who's next?—P.P. ' ■ ' * ■■■'." * . . * .-..■' ; OUR LOCAL BALEIGK. ..J Last Saturday^ oil the children's page, appeared' a drawing" depicting a, ■weU-c known incident in the life of an English Queen. . .The caption below read^ "What inei'dent in history does this represent?" ,;,," Goldilocks" writes to uc anent the drawing (a clipping of whick" is enclosed) in these terms:— . - Dear Mr.: Percy Rage,—My dad reckons that;the above.would have betV tor graced'.youi' garden of intellectual blooms. The "incident" represents "Sir Walter" Eorbes placing Ms costly cloak —stolen from Mr. John Citizen in the shape of high'exchange-—in the muddy pool of depression to enable "Good Queen (B(anks)" to walk safely byj without soiling her shoes. Lady. Bond-' holder follows in the- Queen's train. Lord Gordon stands by and smiles approvingly at '.'Sir Walter's"' graceful act. . ■-". .-. ■'•'■.. .. ■' ■'■ '- Our goldfish has laid ah. Easter-egg.. . Now, now, "Goldilocks," be mothertj. nice girl! - .'■ ' ■ *'. - *.■ : * - ;; . •. ■■ . MOENING-TEA MONOLOGUE. Well, 'ere we are—-'alf on our wajr" Towards another shortes' d3y, . T A most compellin' thought to me, Now" gcttin' on for 43. Bill sez its ,53—but then, - 'E makes mistakes like other men. Now there's a party in the Lane. Who's been a grannie, once again; '■' •' When •she's made up, 'air "dyed an* such, ': . : Honesty you'd think that that ole Dutcli Was a gal full uv "it"-'ii'-beans Not too long, dear, out uv 'er teens^ '■ Until you seen }er spindle shins, About as fat as Elin'Glyn's. ,'Er arches, too—they 'ng the floor, Fallen to never rise no more. Bend over, dearie, an' don't laugh . . . 'Ow's that for a well-flourished calf! But never mind—legs or no legs, I can't afford no Easter eggs This year. We feel it's wrong to be Luxuriatin'wild?'n'-free W'ilc there is folk in 'Obson Street" Who asn't got too much to eat. ■ Besides, Bill's Auntie Mag is ill. So far she: 'asn't wrote Vrwill, Which, when she. does we 'ope to 'ear Bill's got hees share. And so, me dear^ We've saved enough to send her up A sweet 'and-painted Doolan cup, ... , Saucer- hi '-plate to match, to let . 'Er know 'er nephew don't forget, An' Irustin' she won't neither.; Thus,... . There'll be no Easter eggs for us;*" We're try in' to 'atch out somethinle else ... V... -. -. . Don't tell me that's the time; SBO?* bells! . ■ ■;;-..- . ; . ■ '' « * ♦ MUSSOLINI—POOH! ' .', Do you know where to find the most successful dictator iv the world today? - We introduce the gentleman—-General Juan Vicente Gomez, President and Dictator oJ* Venezuela, who .-last mouth, celebrated the 25th anniversary of his., seizure of power. Gomez is a retiring soul. Ho is but rarely in the roto sections of the Caracas Press because ho spends most of his time on his great* model farm 77 miles distant front the, capital, where he holds court in a rocking chair under a giant rubber tree. But his people are proud of him. Venezuela has a balanced Budget and a surplus in the National Treasury. Her money is the soundest in the world. Not a single foreigner owns a Venezuelan Government bond. There is practically no unemployment. Fanners pay no> land taxes at all and may borrow up to 50 per cent, of tho value of their land froni a Government farm bank.; The country, with nearly 4000 miles of good roads, claims tho finest highway; • system in Latin America. But this record dictatorship is not all due to tho personal virtue of Gomez. In ISU7 oil began to gush in Venezuela in' unbelievable quantities. Last year more oil than anywhere else outside the United States and Russia spouted from Venezuelan wells, and every gallon of it pays a 7 per cent, to 10 per cent, royalty to the Government. Gomez is not only the richest man in Venezuela, but for all practical purposes owns ' the .country. He is on the box seat, and so far, invulnerably.