POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVII, Issue 55, 6 March 1934, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

So long as the men on the warebattered Bear of Oakland can hold their food, holding the dishes is a oiatter of secondary importance. * # ■» The "Statist" declares that there is uo question of Britain fixing dairy quotas at present, but then the Ottawa. Agreement does not run out until next year. ■' ' * * * * "Heated scenes" in this or that legislative assembly simply means that someone, boiling with indignation, is lcttmg off steam. * * * Personal advertisement in New York daily:— WANTED, for Philadelphia orchem tra, two orchestra seats. Maybe a couple of the bass fiddlers were tired of standing up. * * * IN HONOUR BOUND.' Eeeent Press heading— COLD AND CHANGEABLE WEATHER SHOULD IMPROVE. It should. A R.J.P. * * » FORCE OF CIRCUMSTANCES. I cannot sing the old songs, Tho sweetest songs by far, Because I have to play the sax In a wild jazz orchestra— And there you are!. ', AMOS-'N'-ANDY. --- * » LAUGHTER IN COURT. ' Further English Court "shorts." Magistrate at Tottenham: Have ydn ever been here before? Defendant (after some consideration): I don't thmk I have. At any rate, I don't remember the architecture. Brighton Magistrate: Have you a witness to the assault? Man: Only mv-mother-in-law . . .and i* m doubt* ful which way she would go. * * * ANNOUNCEMENT. \ We regret exceedingly that, due t* circumstances beyond our control. ns award in the "Ossie" and "Gapin* Arthur" contest is possible until tcT* morrow. We were working out the" f a™s on our trusty planchette at 11.48 last evening, using the Douglas (or Fitzherbert) A plus B formula! when the "shake" arrived, com*, pletely dissipating the occult "influence" and fracturing the machine's port side castor. Repairs will be effected at one -of the local foundries today, and results may confidently b* looked for on. Wednesday. •. • • . . POSTED . . . MISSING. "Bellbird."—What " a melanchol*?} chirrup is yours! '"V.W:s."—Unfortunately for yous bon mot, France is still on the gold standard. ••Gibbering Jasper."—Two full-sized libels in half a dozen lines. Pull yourself together. \ "Omeo."—Oldish—and not exactly* winner when it was first coined. "X.P."—Thanks, but you have still some distance to go before you catch; up on Minhinnick. "Ike."—Four lines from. roue panegyric: *.' *■-*• - - ■-*'■■ Admiral Byrd is a fine old bird, Though over the air he's seldom heardj Because, remember, both day' and nigh* He runs a risk of getting frost-bite. " Alpha. Bingen. ' ' —You are barking up the wrong tree. That par. did not appear in this column. "A Plus B."—Like the late Queeii Victoria, we are not amused. "Weathcrwise."—An idea with soniej possibilities. It shall be looked into. "Gertie."—Conscientious but ia* effective. Thanks all the same. £4000 A WEEK MEN. Are you interested in big money*-— somebody else's? Aren't wo all. Iti was reported several weeks' ago that there had been a drop in the aggregate number of Britain's millionaires, in spite of the fact that seventeen, new ones had been added, to the list in 1933, leaving the total at 150. A. millionaire, for income tax purposes, is a man with an income of £100,001) —£2000 a week. All the new millionaires have incomes of £200,000 or moreThere is none with an income of between £100,000 and £200,000. The British income tax authorities cannot? explain that odd gap. But they da know that the 150 millionaires among them will pay income tai on more than £30,000,0000. There are plenty; of people in the £50,000 a year—£lobbi a week—class. Last year 523 of them %. this year the figure will probably goi up to 530. This is the near-millionaire class with fortunes between £500,009 and £900,000. Incomes that reflect a, little more modest commercial success and prosperity range from £10,000 to £50,000 a year (£2OO to £1000 si week). There are 10.000 men in that class, 2400 more than in the slump, period since 1929. American millionaires, by the way, have fallen in the slump since 1929-30—boom years—frorni 513 to 20. * » ,* GOING "DIXIE." Dear Flage,—lt is reported that ai American lady recently when leaving New Zealand voiced the opinion that every man in it should be a poet. While taking off my hat to the lady, I must at once issue a grave warning of 'the; dangers of mass production of that sort. In U.S.A. we may see this at its worst. Many years ago these States which] now have a colour problem of fifteen' millions of blacks (more or less), were suddenly swept j*v a dreadful epidemic (which soon became endemic) of homesickness, and judging by the depressing results a large proportion of the coloured population was affected. . Thei symptoms rarely varied. The patient as a. rule sang songs of a depressing nature. It was noticed that the sweet sincerity of "Swanee River" was displaced by crude efforts in which tha patient in a maudlin condition strove to arouse the sympathy of all around. This disease feeds upon itself; the more the patient gets depressed, the mora he sings these songs, and the more hs) sings these songs the more depressed he becomes, while in most cases speech" is slurred, and incoherence also may be present. While mass production might* take a different form in New Zealand, we could not escape a serious deterioration, with attendant' evils and possibilities too awful to contemplate. As, for example:— Ah wanna go home! Ah wanna go hornet; To ole Waipukurau. That Dixie Land where white milk" flows Is calling on me now,. Whar everyone is waitun me, An that is whar ah long to be, Whar ole man river crawls along, And life is army kinda song. Whar mammy's roses an the cow Growed up, with me jes annyhow, Whar ehiekuns scratch up everything ... And tliat is why yo har me sing, Ah wanna go home! Ah wamia go homti to ole Waipukurau. DRUM. -' P.S-—Dreadfully shocked b}* thesaj unpremeditated lines, I at once apolo* gise to JVaipukurau.'—D. *.•■•*-