POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVI, Issue 147, 19 December 1933, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Seeing how Svcll Britain is faring it is America, the great unyielding war creditor, who today must bft called the "weary tight 'un."

We shouldn't mind this building for posterity if 'only posterity would reciprocate with some advance payment* to keep 'our credit good.

Kow that Prohibition is definitely repealed over in U.S.Ai can't \you imagine iron-handed Al Capone, cx» beer baron, frothing to get back int« his steel underwear againl? * ■ * * . News headings:— wool marketing: auction system menaced. It's like that in bridgo circles, toy .where the sanctity of contract is* T**fj real thing. . ELECTROCUTING GRASSHOPPERS. Just as frost may kill tomatoes s» may grasshoppers ruin crops. Insect* are notoriously no respecters of things or persons, but a Nebraska (U.S.A.) farmer this year saved his crops when they wore menaced by grasshoppers by building a portable electric chair, which killed them by the bushel as it was hauled through the fields by a.tractor. The insect destroyer consisted of A system of wires on a wooden frame and connected to a battery with step-up coils to increase the voltage. The wire frame was mounted on the front of an automobile or tractor, and d*alt out swift death to the pests'. # ♦ # i MEET A RIDXAP SNOOPER. Believe it or not, the Theremin' Kidnap Snooper, a counter to Uncle Sam '• body-anatching banditti, is strongly oa the market. It is an electrical d«Vic# which operates all around a baby'a. cradle, setting up a fearful ftirent shriek as soon as anyone Steps withia a 6ft radius. This happens even When mother-l>r nurse approaches if they hava forgotten to turn off the switch. The inventor, Theremin, is reputedly the scientist who first plucked musical sounds from the air. Some of his thiefcatching appliances are said to be i use in quite a few banks. ■» • # .. ' NEWS FROM LOOS NESS. ' (From the Crazy Newareel of the "Daily Mail.") The Goueher party arrived at Invar* lioss last night, and are staying at Qtioich Castle,. Mr. Jfosenberg's place.. There has already been something of st scene.. Pamela Lady Goitcher galloped into the Hon. "Biffy's" room at 3.30 -A.m. and implored her to rise and vanquish the monster, which (she said) was at that moment Tiding a postman's bicycl* round this drive. The butler was eventually able I>b assure- her that this was not so. "Okny, boys*—just the usual," said th« Hon. "Biffy," dismissing the newsreel men, -who were keenly disappointed. i * ♦ • •. • ENCORE SWASTIKA. Dear: Monsieur Plage,—Salutations! Several articles Which have appeared in. your column lately, dealing With Serr Hitler and his Swastika symbol, hava awakened in me some memories of my, school days. In particular, I can recollect myself writhing in an agony of boredom through, a lengthy aescrijithfe " lecture on the Swastika, its forms and significances. Of course, in those distant days there were no floodlights of publicity trained on this humble symbol, otherwise the lecture might have had some topical interest, tout in the** modern times, when the Swastika i» . occupying such a prominent position, in. world polities* one Of it# significance* gives me considerable cause lor cyflical mirth. In ancient times, besides being known as the fylfot cross, and, slightly, modified, as the Celtic knot, the Swastika was extensively used a* a motif itl heraldry and'in certain phases of Mfthi* tectiire. One of the significance* at-. taehed to it, in its latter use, was that in tho orthodox position it had a masculine significance, While in the reverse*. Or sinister* position it had ft feiilfain* sighiflcknee. Is it not. strange, thew-. fore, that Herr ' Hitler should h**«" adopted the badge of effeminacy? 1* it not amusing td picture those variant Storm Troops -wearing this emblem and telling the world ho* manly they aret Is it not beautiful td be *o innocent-r" and—cr —ignorant? ■ ' 'ALPHONftB. « * * THE SEASONS 6&BfillK<sS. Sir Percy Flags, ana all the cl*a, And also every "Postscript* fan, I send to you The season's greetings: May we «i*r» This motto for the coming ye»r— Keep "Smiling Thrn. 3) May old Deprcah, dtid sucli as h«, Pass out with W33, And stay out, too. ~1 There's luck in even numbeii, Mr«, •, So, welcome 1934— 1 Keep "Smiling Thru.w J In cap and Mis' with quip frit, ) Old "Column 8" Will do i*B fecit Joy germs to brew: With courage gay We'll face dull «**% With this our slogan fOf the ?e*r,, < Keep "Smiling Thru." i PEABLBSNi \ ':« * * ! SPOONEE AT THB OPTICIAK'S, ■ Dfeat- lPcrcy,—Thero is a quite un» aUthdiitidated story of the • late Her, I)]\ Spooner.. Keriuiriiig «6ine ney* glasses he went into an v optician'«». and saicl: ■ ■ "I want a pair of ri«l'»pecke4 hornaeleg." The shopman looked a Tbib tUitiiit "Beg pardon, sir?" "You heard me, you ain't blind. I said I wanted a pair of spom-himmea • tcctacles." "Yoti—J'oti mean—-" "I mean just What I *ay, a pair Of him-pecked sofMcles." "Look here, sir, wduld you Mini writing it doWiit" "Why!" asked tlie f^verend gentleman. "Caii't yt\i UftderstftUd JrtAi* English? I want a. shaie 6i- rdfn« heelced pinnacles." . The shopman began to grow pale, "fieally, sir, I'm Jiftftid—" _ "Now I shall become annoyed in a moment," returned tho doctdr. "Y6tt know well What I need-—a, tim of haiMSpeeked mftnacies.'* The shopman thbught it Was time t» ring up the police.v "Botlier you!" stormed nil rever* ence. "Give nid a pair df heck»rimmed spornacles." The. Shopman y6lled for help. The doctor stamped in fury, "Curs<3 yottt 1 want a pair of rimliorncd hectacles!" he screamed. At this point he Was seized, by tfis . arm of tho law, and, struggling aiid foaming at the inoutli, Was haulfed but. of the door. The last W6rcfs heard from him, as the procession faded away, wcr-p.;-— ■; " "I wanna speck df fftreßOTtlef miracles!" _ , : . . j^^ ;