POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVI, Issue 146, 18 December 1933, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Commenl

BY PERCY FLAGE

It is quite in keeping with modern business methods that the allied nations should simply default or pay for their war on the instalment principle.

Argentina officially forecasts a huge wheat yield for 1933-3-1. _y nice sort of New Year present for the International AVhcal Board.

Another curious manifestation of tha alleged drought is the number of our friends who are discovering that our home-brew has kept so much better than theirs.

The U.S.A. Democrats ,had luck with them when they were called on to handle the depression. Ask the thousands of Roosevelt's political camp follower! who were put. of jobs before the N.R.A. came into being.

-.DOESN'T SEEM FAIR. Prisoners .in the gaol of Ritchi« County, Virginia, have been released, and what is more, nobody else, no matter what crime he commits, will be imprisoned there. The county is hard up and cannot afford to pay for their food. "AVhat sorter system do you call this, which 'plugs' helpless guys like us out on to the street, with winter comiu' on', "'said one felon reproachfully.

DIVINATION. "Scotty": AV'hy not resort to taghairni, a form of divination anciently, practised by the Scots, to elucidate that mystery of Loch Ness? 'All that is needed is a seer willing to park inside the hide of a freshly-killed bullock aiid be placed beside a waterfall or at the foot of a precipice, there to runii.. na.to deeply. Whatever the seer's fancysuggested in this wild situation would pass for inspiration of his disembodied spirit.' And by spirit I intend no reference to raw Hielan' whusky.

HULL—AND NOAV WANDSWORTH.

After reading that note of ours on Hull's rate of 185,2 din the £, "Pommy" sent along a county journal clipping which tells what Wandsworth —his home town, by the way—has done, or is to .do, in the way of relieving unemployment. Wandsworth is the biggest borough in London. Soma months ago the borough decided, to spend this year £500,000 on ameliorating its unemployment troubles, and that without adding a penny to the rates! The council authorised the spending of £80,000, local residents have promised another £100,000, and the Minister of Health has sanctioned slum clearance schemes to the tune of £250,000. The balance is being provided by privata enterprise.

HE AVAS ALL THESE THINGS.. Our Prince of Wales can boast ai lengthy string of titles, but in this respect Sultan Ahmed 111 of Turkey (1673-1730) still holds the record. The official title of this long-dead monarch was as follows: — God's Deputy on Earth, Lord of th» Lords of This AVorld, Possessor of Men's Necks, King of Believers and Unbelievers, King of Kings of this World, Emperor of the East and the AVest, Emperor of the Chakans of Great Authority, Prince and Lord of the Most Happy Constellation, Majestic Caesar, Seal of Victory, Refuge of, All the People of the Whole World, Th 9 Shadow of God Dispensing Quiet .in the Earth, King of Greece, and Asia, the Lesser, and Arabia, and Persia and Turkey, and Tartary, and Arabia Felix, and Petraea, Egypt and Syria, and Cara-Anianca, and Curdistan,' Circassia and the Abazite, and Georgian's; Xord of the AVhite and the Black Sea, and the Ocean, of Hungary, AVallachia,"Moldavia, Africa, Algiers and Barbary; as likewise:—Heir of. a Thousand and Thousand Regions! SOCIAL NOTE. A wedding party ought to be As lively as the sprightly flea. The flea: dines well—so should the giitst. Now celibates, hear this behest— The flea cannot be caught, whereas One bachelor becomes an ass At every wedding, though hone append That name to him—he's ?'bridegroom" then. IT MAKES ONE SICK. But, pardoi pray, _ This slight digression, as I say A wedding party should b» bright And not bore guests to tears all night AVith pointless speeches. I'll admit Some speakers have a deal of wit. To save that species, let. them mate— The other kind exterminate. But I was going to say, dear Perce, I heard one bridegroom —I've heard , worse— AVho said: "This gay occasion, guests, AVas destined when I met the best Maiden of all, this bride, this peach, Upon a little bathing beach." You will agree that in this tale A moral lies for every male, And I enjoy expatiation If it improves my education. The moral that lies in that speech Is—"Never go too near a beach!" HORIRI. * *■•■'■ HOT-HEADS AND BALD HEADS. A merry Christmas "Sarge"! ,And talking of Christmas, "Diggers" who were in France will have occasion ta remember the Yuletide period of l£il6. It was the coldest winter recorded for years in Europe. As . most of the "Enzed'* Division had recently arrived from Egypt's sunny clime, they; found conditions anything but pleasant. Nevertheless, the troops came to tha conclusion that some gaiety was justifiable. On Christmas evening parties were held in most billets. Possibly tha most successful of these was staged by; a small party of "Diggers." Invitation was accepted by their two sergeants, "Curly" Curtiss and "Baldy" Kemp—the hitter's top-piece was truly; as smooth as marble. The liquid refreshment consisted of a jar of. rum, "lifted" from a ration dump, two bottles of whisky, "ratted" by tha O.Ci's batman, and six bottles of champagne, purchased legitimately. As the evening progressed this potent mixture was.almost successful in cementing friendship between, the two sergeants,, who generally wero at loggerheads. The powerful lubrication, however, zipped "Curly" up to the devilment stage. It was an upstairs room and the atmosphere became oppressive. "Curly" decided to open the window. He looked below to tho dim-lit street and noticed a khaki-clad form. Tho figure v/as hatless, and the head was hairless. He called out, "Hey! you bald-headed old blanker, what are you doing- there? Stop this, you blanker! " And down went a bottle. It crashed on the cobbles and missed the figure by inches. A minute later in stalked the O.C. and said: "Sergeant! AVhat the devil do you mean by insulting mo like this?" "Well, sir," said "Curly," "I'm sorry, but I must have mistaken your bald head for Sevgcant. Kemp's." Fortunately, the O.C. was a good sport and accepted the explanation. Bald heads still haunt "Curly." After the war he relinquished his stripes for a position" in a hairdressing saloon. __