POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVI, Issue 105, 31 October 1933, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

"We, too, havo noted, as a.' daily phenomenon, that dropping off of-tram users, though we have not seen one fall off ;L! or quite a while. • * • That threatened reduction of exported bacon to Britain looks .like1 a cut-and-fried scheme in the interest! of the local producer. • ».;, - ./■•.■-. ■■:'.' OPPORTUNITIES GALORE. ■: A higher and better standard of living is one of the reported aims of the N.R.A. A splendid opportunity is offering in New York State, where a fifth of all the children are in families receiving public relief and a ninth, of the population are on certified relief rates. . ~ ■■: ' > ■ • * • ; .'■ ■. • RESERVED, -r ' News item from ' • The Post:— . ' Primo Camera is not to be allbw«4 Ito sit on his laurels.. _ . ' Arid properly so.: With his weight) how flat, stale, and unprofitable they; \Vpuld appear to the next wearer. , R.J.P. • * ,-■#.■ BOMBPROOF HOUSES?: At the poll the East Fulham electors, Caught the catcli-cry: "New Housing ■'• ' Erectors; : Wo don't want battleships While we 'ye food 'tween our lips, Let good roofs be our only protectors!" ARE DRYSKINS HOLEPROOF? WHO'S THIS "HEREWAED" I Frankly, we did not dream that Rud* yard Kipling had so many admirer* in "The Post" district. In addition to thpso mentioned yesterday, tho -folldAving readers have corrected and#enlightenod tho inquiring Hori Makaira. S. Turnbull, The Terracp, "Gunga Din," Masterton, "Herward," Miramar, "Mowgli," Otaki, M.D., Lower Hutt, good old "Anon" from Nowhere, and two friends who telephoned,' Our thanks to all who obliged the correspondent. A Kipling "fan"!ever since we began to read in earnest, we can go back to his short stories in particular and enjoy., them with undiminished zest. In that medium ho is undeniably a master. ;

YOICKS! TALLYHO!!!

An advocate before the Tariff Cdm> mission who might be accused of magni* ifying his'self-imposed office of reformer suggested closing our factories, and expressed a hope that New Zealand would become another English county. Well, why not 9 We have already got shootin', fishing racin', and drinkin* all well advertised as exclusive specialties. Missing only is a subservient Giles in smocked frock, pulling his fore* lock before a rufous squire.- As M.F.H. t'squiro would be 'untin.' over Giles's pocket handkerchief farm, with 'orses and 'ounds, so picturising Oscar Wilde's "tho unspeakable chasing the uneatable. '' Do let's have noblemen in ths county with . wonderful recipes for piquant sauces, beautiful dairymaids ia dimity, wayside inns with rubicund exbutlers and > prize pugs as hosts; with, I all the other amenities of rural EngI land. If''there's anything wo ■ have missed•> perhaps; S 'william•- svill .tell, us what it is. Of. course, it will be necessary to import an army Of; Gileses, be* eauso existing farmers will not be con" tent, for entertainment, to eat fall bacon and ride all day on five-bar gates, Let us hope it will not be said of S'williain that the zeal of his house hath eaten him up". , ■ ,■

WE GET YOU, STEVE,

Dear Percy Flage,—An American trade.journal gives ,the palm for smart bricklaying to one Stephen Watson.' "Steve" is credited with being abl« to lay thrco thousand bricks per day. You mightn't believe a word I say, but

listen, hey! I'll bet to/lay three thousand blinking

bricks a day. . Just see the bricks an' mortar do a get,

fast, you bet, < I'm known as champion "Steve" when

I. get'set. ■■ , , . I'vo got the other brickies lined %

treat; I have 'em beat, I gets 'em thinkin' if the secret's ia

■■) me brand of beer, or what I eat. Me smartness with the trowel has 'em

always on the growl; "Quit yor 'Lympie sprintin', this job

won't last a week," they,howl,

"Speed's me middle name," I yell;

time for smoko spell, • I'm no go-slow Bolshie loafer; I»'m a WORKER—go to '■■ I.' '

MAGGIE.

SOME WALLS* HAVE EABS.

Dear Mr. Flage,—l have given up my abode. After weeks of frenzied worrying over'it, I have at last come to the momentous decision—and, ,what is more worthy of comment, have acted, upon it. One morning, my landlady, Mrs. Higgins, finished her nasal.-organ' recital, woke up with a grunt, waddled downstairs,- and found that her lodger had, like the proverbial Arabs, folded his tent, and stolen away, having nailed a particularly lively young cod under the .kitchen table before" his departure. She did not find the latter for two days, during which period the floors wer» taken up, the wall-boards partially Te» moved, tho interior of tho roof thor« oughly inspected, and a man had beea to see about tho drains. . . .'How* ever, I had to go.—Such is life—just like a Main Trunk sandwich —her* today' and still here tomorrow. .... The chief cause of trouble was the noise. Tho house was one of those built lik« a shallow box with a lid on, stood up on its end. Every noise in eithe* of the neighbouring houses could _b« plainly heard. And when on one aid» of me is situated an ardent young maa (plus a fiancee) and on the other sida a doctor (plus-fours), an evening's rest becomes quite exciting. Just listen t» this typical conversation: —,-. Young Man: My darling, my hcarl is aching for you! • Doctor: Sure sign of indigestion. Here, take these two pills. . ■ Young Man: But dear, without you, life's just a gaping chasm. ,' Doctor: Well, perhaps that's a cas« for a dentist rather than a doctor. Young Man: When I realise that I am'your only lover' —the one . owner of your heart—l don't know what to say. ' .'•' ;\ ■ . ';. ■'■■.. '■ •'■'

Doctor: Say ninety-nine. Young Man: And, when we're' married, I'll eat every sweet little thing you cook for- inc. - ;'-, Doctor: Of course, it would be absolutely painless if you .. had chloroform, you know. ': '•

"Young Man: My love, my heart palpitates for you. ■ , .:..■.;'■■ Doctor: Very serious. You'd, better let me remove it, I think. Young Man: Ono last kiss'before wo

go. . - t Doctor: ThatUL be_. twelve and six, please. . ■ ,■■' :- , ':- ■'■ Young Man: Good-bye, darling. Jnst, one more kiss. ■ Doctor: I assure you, it won't hurt you a bit. Do you blame me for leaving?

ANN HOW*-.