POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 121, 25 May 1933, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Henceforward, it would probably.!>• regarded as a faux pas to pledge D. R. Jardine's health in "bumpers." • • •

Possibly one reason for the reputed temporary peace agreement in the Far East is that the Japs have run out oi; silver bullets. , a «

Here's the difference: If you winl up a watch it usually goes, but whea you wind up a business it invariably; stops.

SOBER TRUTH. ■ Professor Stephen Leacoek told a body; of scientists that.there.will-be bo ccono« mists in Heaven. That's a pity, be-1 cause this troubled world has quit* a few it could spare and wouldn't misi.

BUT ONE NEVER KNOWS. Mr. J. Pierpont Morgan pulled a long" ish face before the Senate Committee, but there is nothing in the rumour that nowadays he is reduced to riding to the office, on a bicycle purchased on th» pay-as-you-use principle in order t* save train fares. .

COPYRIGHT INFRINGED. Will you permit me, sir, to crash In re Heir Hitler's braw moustache. It is-my job to tell you that Adolf is just a '<copy cat": i Charles Chaplin patented that "mo" Ever so many years ago.. "AMOS-'ls''-ANDY."'

ENSURING PEACE. Seemingly all that is needed now lo assure Europe peace for ten years i» (1) a definition of "aggressor" that America (and France) will approve;----(2). agreement with France as to, France's interpretation of French "security," and (3) the stabilisation, of the Polish "Corridor" problem. Tho last-named hurdle could be overcome by making admission to the "corridor" by ticket only and plastering the walls with signs such as "Keep Out. This Means You" and ''No Loitering.''

ANOTHER FAVOURITE OF FORTUNE. Fliige,—lf you have roora for it—still another example of great good luck. You never can tell what the fickle goddess Fortune will do next. The other day a man in Brisbane,' after a lengthy session with his dentist, asked for his account, The dentist handed him 30s . . . tho balance duo after crediting to him the gold fillings of the extracted teeth! And gold is now worth round about seven guineas an ounce, I believe. I'll bet the price will have slumped by the time I am forced, to have my gold-filled molars out. MISS* FORTUNE. ■',

g.b.s. . : .. : .. On his recent visit to the United States, when George Bernard Shaw addressed a huge and fashionable audi- ( ence in New York, he told them somo audacious home truths which they took in excellent part. Will thoy'stilllovi» him. when they have had tim 6t» digost'his statements? . ... • ' it recalls the Fairy Queen's song ia: lolanthc—with a difference; v She apostrophises the then head of the London Fire Brigade, Captain Shaw,, asking if he can quench her great love. An American Fairy Queen of today; would render-it, thus: — ' ' ,-: Oh, Bernard Shaw! j '■: Type of true worth kept',under! , Will thy tirade, like cold cascade, ; Quench their great love, I iwondert,

MOBNING TEA MONOLOGUE. ; Bill iv that raid? My dear, 'ow.cai You recly think that of my man!' " Didn't you know that nowerdays V ■' ■. Bill's secn'tho crrow of hecs ways* .| It's two woeks to the day since 'c ; Larst marked a ticket 'opelessly. i , 'E turned the game in then-'u'-there, An' further, I'd no cash to spare, So Bill stays- 'ome' w nights an' trio*'' To catch a crossword puzzle prize_ ( 1 (Of course, the ole scout never* wins!) j Or 'c plays luder with the twins, ' Or snakes-'n'-laddcrs, but wiy 'at! Hccs horse-de-comeback quick at that* . But all the same, my Bill is good . At losin' like a sportsman would. "I s'pose," 'o said, " you'd call me, . Manic, ■ ■ \ ■ ■ A brand plucked from tho burnin' game?" I seen our Gordon's1 got the wheeze:", We've touched rock-bottom,, if ye* , • please. Well, one guess is as good, they say, As f any other any day. . Whether or ho, it's -clear as. clear Life ain't no bed of rose leaves, dear. Tho only thing I'm, 'opin' foils that we shan't drop through the floor, A 'ard bed is a 'ard bed, but Where art thou if it all goes phutt? Eggsaetly. Now,, you take France—whjj She is' the prime nark, dinky di. Is To matter wot you do—no chance, You jest can't please la beldame France. For all the naggin' she 'as done Somebody ought to dong 'er one Because she gets on all their nerves ..# I'm leaniia' to control me curves.-

' SCOTLAND HITS BACK. : "Auld Eeelde," stirred by periodical postscripts assaults on. the canny Scot,' retaliates with this series of anecdotes. She feels that Englishmen retail stories about alleged Scots parsimony simply; to keep the stigma of meanness, from themselves. ....,' In our street there are 28 houses with frontages of about 30 feet, and one morning in the recent storm the snow; lay thick on the pavement without. TTnemployed men enmo round'looking fqr a chance d.f making a shilling by sweeping away the snow. Three householdevg —two Scots and one Irish—employed them, while the English householders waited for the midday sun to do the clearing. ■ . . . ■ Our town—in the South of Englandhas about 40,000 inhabitants, but I" have seen more purses in use among men here than I ever saw in Aberdeen or Glasgow. Personally,, I think it is. "a, hunilin' sicht" to see an ablebodied, well-to-do man having to unloosen an overcoat, extricate from, his trouscr pocket a securely closed purse, open.it with an effort, and take from it—a pemiy bus fare. . I was once in a railway refreshment room in India when an. Englishman, known to _b,e in an influential position, brought in" a half-starved, underfed Anglo-Indian whom he had come across; on the train and who had only a few annas between himself and want. No, he wasn't going to treat the poor fellow to a meal but "to arrange for him to get the best meal possible" for his few remaining coppers. An Englishman of my acquaintance, in all seriousness, when giving a lift in his car to anyone explains how mudi extra petrol the extra weight demands in the few miles between home and work. "Not much for one occasion,'* ho says, "but it comes to a' bit at tht end 01' the year."