Humours of the Theatre

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 105, 6 May 1933, Page 18

Humours of the Theatre

The voice from the gallery is not (80 active in the theatretoday as it was at one time, but it has been responsible for some classic laughs, especially in heavy melodrama. When a version of "Monte Cristo" ■was produced at the- Adclphi—says Mr. John Aye, in a collection of amusing stage stories, entitled ", Humour in the Theatre"—the play dragged badly. At length the curtain rose on a darkened bedroom in which an old man sat heside a bed, with a lighted candle. "I say, mister," shouted one of the gods in the ominous silence, "we're not keeping you up, are we?" Arthur Koberts was once persuaded to-take part in a romantic play with Florence St. John, and came- on in the likeness of the starving poet, Chatterton. The audience, however, preferred Arthur Boberts, the comedian. "Chuck it, Arthur, old sport," came a voice from the gallery, '' and put a bit of red on your nose, me lad." A rapt audience watched, with bated breath, the plight of the heroine. Deserted by her lover, cast off by her family, dogged by the villain, she was at her last extremity. "I must end it all," she wailed, "I must indeed end it all; but where can I buy poison?" "You try the bar of this theatre, aiissie," came a voice from the gods. The final word is not always with the audience. A fed-up manager who had experienced a very bad season made his meagre audience a farewell speech. "I have to thank you one and all," he said, "for the noble way in which you have rallied to this—cr —Temple of Thespis. I thank you for the kind manner, in which you have patronised

our efforts." Then, after a moment's bitter reflection, he added: "But, God help me, if I had opened a season on the Goodwin Sands, I should have had more support from the shipwrecked sailors." The vanity of actors and actresses is proverbial. A young actress who had been brought out of obscurity by Tree began to insist on being billed in larger type. "I want," she said, "to be announced thus, 'Sir Herbert Tree and Miss X.' " "Yes, my dear child," retorted Tree, "but why 'and'? Why riot 'but'1*" Another classic retort was to a somewhat illiterate Cockney comedian who told Sir Herbert: "Look here, guvnor, I shall expect you to bill the 'and' before my nyme." "Alas! my dear friend," replied Tree. "How can I do so? You know it is 'ard to givo the 'and where the 'art can never be." There is a story of a celebrated actor who strolled into his club and made for the telephone box, leaving the door open so that he might be overheard. "Hello, hello," he began, "is that you, Mr. X? (naming a manager high in the theatrical world). Good, I got your letter this morning, but £100 a week ig no good to me. You'll make it £150? No, £200 is my price, not a penny less. You agree to £200? Very well, I'll come round tomorrow and sign the contract. Good-bye." The actor came out of the box and beamed on the listening crowd. At that moment the club secretary entered the room. "Excuse me, sir," he said, "but that telephone has been out of order since yesterday. We're expecting a man in to ace to it shortly."