POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIV, Issue 130, 29 November 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

Every good Australian will hopd that the cold which has confined Bradman to tied will not travel down to his feet. * ■••_-■■■»■• "Alured" passes on this definition: of an optimist to add to Postscripts' collection: A man who started a fruit business with a lemon that fate had handed him. j * « c, ' PLEASE EXPLAIN. After an extremely slow statt—he took half an hour to make three runs—• Ames, we read, later "placed a ball nicely between the fieldsmen." W» wonder wherehe put all the others seeing that he made 90. ■ 1 . ' * ■: *. "#,. ■. .' ■ ■ BACK TO THE FOLD. ■ Eegard you, this M. Leon Trotsky, Whom Moscow once put on the spotsky? He preaches to-day That the Soviet's O.K At a salary, no doubt, pretty; iotskjj " ■•'■■•. *.:. * ♦;■ " " -.4 . PITTING FOODS. • -"' From "All Red."— Steak for the gambler, Pullet for the dentist. Oyster for the crane-driver. Leeks for the plumber. Mint for the coiner. Thyme for the gaolbird. ; • Sage for the wise men. Dates for the historian. *■** - _ . • MOBE CONFLICT IN EDEN. Dear Mr. Flage,—Adam must have ■ taken my letter by mistake. Serves him right (the brute) if he searches the column in vain. I didn't intend ta submit the piece he posted; I often1 write things and burn tEem—don't you? It's becoming very complicated: " having two literary- geniuses in one' family. What do you suggest? Man- - like, you will probably suggest that I : drop out, and woman-like, I'll stay int for spite. Don't you think" it is really, Christian of me to send this awful rotof Adam's in, and I had the kitchen; fire going to-day, too. ;■.:'.. •. ''■•:-■ MOTHER EVE:! "■■ *■: ■'*- '■' * -■[:.:'■"'', ."■■■.' MY LADY NICOTINE. : ; ■ Hoity! Toity! What a fuss! The gentleman who gave up smoking, ancfi would now have Ms fellow'citizens all ■ do the same, reminds mp forcibly o$ the fox who lost his tail in a trap. "Woe.)' fully he regarded, his foreshortening,; or his shortcomings, or his hindgoings,What was he to do? Quickly he calli ed a meeting of all the foxes. Glow* mgly he extolled the merits of a tail* less state. Urgently he pressed, upon: them that they should all follow hia example and rid themselves of a useless appendage.." But a wise old fox; stood up in the midst of, the assembly! and pointed out the uses, of-a tail, in-> ■ viting them also'to compare the appearance of the tailless one with their own: handsome looks. It was enough they, kept their tails. And so niethinks will mankind keep 4o the fragrant weed til/ - the endiof time. ■ TJPSON DOWNES O'FLYFFE.- , ■■."•-:• "SATANIC" IS;EIGHT! i . "D. O'J." writes: Talking about thei ' British Broadcasting .Corporation's • search for "a.Satanic voice'"-—I took up the headphones the other evening^ and all I heard was a dissertation on; income tax. This is going too far in. entertainment, though I learned thati the "Easter offertory received by-a vicar; is income, and taxable, and 7 betting; winnings are casual receipts, and not subject to taxation. One was'just wondering whether income ■ tax could btf evaded by an' agreement to toss with| the employer whether one worked iorj one's wages. Ho might suggest tossing whether he paid. Then the announcer!, said: r'You have been listening to an! address on income taxation.-' Thei novelty orchestra will now play th«j selection 'Going Up!'" . . .. :'■ \ . •• CONCHITA .S'AMUSE. : ' Conchita, on the ramparts of Seville,' Sing me that song, once. more, pleas% if you will! ... '..■ That snappy, happy, otiose refrain, \ Sing it to me, Conehita, once again I. Drop the uplifted knife on which yo«i catch .' , . ' - ■ . . .' - .."■' i ' _ The heart, of Pantin. Make a supply ' snatch ' '■../■■' ' .. i At goaty sinews stretched upon a board And sing about another goat . . . youlr lord! N In other "words, take hold of you^ guitar '■■•„-' And tell-me while you sing, rrhat liuibands are. . , ' "Good," said Conchita,"but recognisa the fact " That this wise song comes under Gov- , ernnient Act. ' Is copyrighted, patented like pills, And rubber heels, and metal coffee mills.- . A great hidalgo with a dreadless name, Don Baoul y Val o'Jones, vhe ; called his frame, . .' Wrotethis for me before I started play] With Pantin's heart," and go, 6he sang away. - ,: "The ripe and prime,. the just sublime,; . The husbands only half the time; : The pawns of Fate, the dads of eight,The gay old ones that 'work . back late'; ■' ■'. . . . The'meek and mild, f.he rough and wildj The saints misled and skirt-beguiled; Weli-marfied ones, wife-harried ones, .The wish-that-they-had-tarried ones; Platonic ones, the chronic ones, The snoring, fat, euphonic ones; The tongue-checked ones, the halfwrecked ones, Tho humble, docile, henpecked ones; The shattered ones, the tattered ones, The rolling-pin-much-battered ones; The stop-out ones, '111-drop-out ones The come-home-late-and-cop-ont ones; He that pretends to make amends, Then goes and joins the Missinj Friends. , A funny lot." MEET A GAKBO. SPATS WOULD PUZZLE THEM. Dress suits for the natives of "dark* est Africa" may sound Gilbertian, but a Mr. Lipos Tichin, described, aa Europe's "old clothes king," recently, gave to a y Czechoslovakia^ paper some : interesting details of the fats of the | Continent's cast-offl, wardrobes. Mr. Tiehin, who is of Greek origin, has hiß centre in London, where he ships old clothes to distributing stations in. Tunis, Algiers, Morocco, Madagascar, etc., during the rainy season of Juno to October. From these stations Mr. Tichin's agents travel round the Negro, Bushman, Berber, and Senegalese" villages, and sell the clothes for furs, ivory, gold, uncut diamonds, and' crocodile skins. The most favoured style of dress in Africa, he continues, is the formal English afternoon or evening suit, and no objection seems to bo made if the elbows are out, the. back is split, and the trousers are only half the conventional length. • In a temperature oiLover one hundred degrees the Senegalese parade about in black cloth which rarely meets at the required places; and should a husband find European dress uncomfortably oppressive, his ambitious spouse is only too delighted to have the opportunity. o£ donning it,