POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIII, Issue 142, 17 June 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

When you come to think-'of it, you would expect a-Hopnran to be able to trim Vines. - * * • Extracting a note of comfort.froni trade history, a contemporary concludes with the intimation: "In short, cycles revolve." But, then, so do revolving, doors. * * ■• „ STEKN LOGIC. Speaking at Palmerston North, yesterday, the Prime Minister said it\ra* the duty of citizens to carry on, "remembering that the paramount noed was to live within their income.'* Well, they can't very well live "without- 1/ it. •*.„• - ♦ - i . CULTURE IN AUCKLAND.' * Auckland's.new system of,'providing' organ recitals is to appoint three honorary organists at a peppercorn" retaining fee per annum, plus (according to the northern city's Town Clerk^a ".fee of £2 2s per hour for any work done.'* "Work," mind you! * * *. ' ' " LITHPING IN NUMBERS: ■, Dear Percy Flage,—There are1 the** oral thitithenth in thith thity that thay they theldom read.your pothtthcripth.' I can't believe that. Each night I read your prothe and verthe. You don't mind if I call you Perthet, I bubble up and b'utht -with" mirth, ' You've got it m BUI Thakethpeare. Mame Clanthy fairly makthe me yell And Bettykintb writhe fairly well,I think your' column ith jntht thwelL I'll write again.—Good che-er!* THAMBO. * **.*,■. .TOO SOON. Dear Perceiving Friend,—l quit* agree with those who disagree that our "shortest" day occurs on Tuesday next. After giving the contents of my pocket* "once ovei1" this morning I am convinced that it has—like those'jonquils —arrived just a trifle - earlier * thaa schedule time. J -Your impecunious friend, _ Aberdeen. * *,' '• "ALL CONVS., H. AND <5," Dear' Percy Flage,—We hear a lot about Hori, but this is *bout Mrs. Hori. The following appeared in a. Wellington newspaper: f Young man requires board; must have hot android water." Mrs. Hori astonished • the young man by sending in this candid and somewhat puzzling epistle: "I have.a nice small room; bath outsid* the front gate." On* the young nun investigating, it was - discovered that Mrs. Hori Tag not drunk or pulling his leg. She happened to reside just across the road from the - Thorndo* Baths. , • * » ■> A STBIKING COMMENTARY. Dear Percy Flage,—l -cannot . .la/ claim.—never- having *een. coal.-mined^ mind—to tlip coal-mind: that's-a minor matter,bbu r -like, everyone else, r I do want to see ,this coal-lapse colltose. Long ago; Bolf Boldrewood wrote "The Miner's Eight"; to-day, .Harry Holland, if bolder, would write "The Owner's. Wrong." That's one distinction 'twist a gold-strike and -a coalstrike, with emphasis- on the onus. , Plaint of .hard times < from the mineowner: "A.poor thing, but-mine own!" Ditto from coal-miner: "Once -I could pick and choose; now can't use in© picky nor hardly pick me chews!" , Certainly, dropping his piok'll land him'in a pickle —it shows little intelligence/ and one wonders—is the mineless miner mindless? Meanwhile, we've ,got the -prospect of being—unless these contending factions coalesce—coal-less. Let's hope there'll be no heated recriminations: m the old days, when the owners fired the men, the miners fired the mine—an allfired flare-up". Hooray, Percy: keep your scuttle full. , • L.D.A. » ♦ ♦ LET IMAGINATION HELP.' ~ While the winter round us closes, Making things extremely horrid, > And most every second nose is Tending to hues mauve or florid, When your feet grow numb and nnmber And the blast your soul-case roachesThink upon a northern, summer Blazing down on quivering.beaches. If some oaf should steal yonr brolly, Or, perhaps, your best goloshes, Don't get mad, or melancholy— Think of ice-cream, whisky squashes. Ginger cocktails, sunken daily, ■And, beyond th.' Equator nightly^ Crooners on the ukulele Where a sun-lashed sea- break* whitely. Somewhere skies are lit with "splendour, Batherssteaming, hot eands gleaming, Somewhere -nights are bloomy, tender, Made for love—and lovers'"dreaming, Somewhere are heat waves that smother "Browners'f in the-/'altogether'... Think on these things,'oh, my-brother, And forget the dolorous weather. , * * .• - : OH, WOMAN, WOMAN! ,-> Now a certain man gave unto his spouse three shekels of gold wherewith "to purchase a hat. He who readeth, being-married,' will know of .'tho inherent _ disinclination, of ladies t», purchase hats, bnt.this man by pertinacious importunity and earnest", supplication prevailed upon his spouse to accede to his desires in the matter: And she purehaseth^a hat in Lambton- quay, and she saith, "Behold, is itnot a duck?" and he saith, "Verily it is a duck," but she cometh back with, "Is that tho best that thou canst do?" and he rcplieth, "Yea, it is even the duekiest of ducks; in fact, it is so" ducky that it may almost be termed anserine, and moreover it maketh thee to appear more pulchritudiiious, coy, ehicV insouciant, charming, distractingly and devastatingly beautiful and- eminently enticingly and-seductively-' kisssable, even than thou wert when i —that is to say, when thou didst chnose me beforo all other men whereupon to commit matrimony." And'she is, satisfied' (for the time being). Andit'ehold, on. tho nest succeeding day as she goeth up Cuba street to purchase tfro dozen clothes pegs and a. bottle -of' cascara tablets, 10, in a window~in that "vicinage doth she behold a hat the dead, spit of her own, and it may be purchased for but fifteen shekels of silver.; She straightway feeleth that she hath no noed of,the tablets, and she refcunieth to her home and takoth the hat from, her head and destroyeth it utterly. Now, I ask thee, why should she thus do? Because of the discovery that she did make, did the hat become to her less becoming, was it less of a veritable duck, or- of less virtue, as a protection from the inclemency of the elements? Verily I say" unto thee, no, for it .cannot cease to be that Vl'6'l it never was but because of the discovery to which reference was "aforetime made the hat ccasethto be Of any avail as a weapon-of offence and defence. hamishdhd; |