POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 138, 8 December 1931, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

T UY PERCY FLAGE

Mora! progress under. Undo Sam. A Sta¥o Education Departnienthas sustained the censor's deletion of a scene depicting: the mating, habits of. snail* in a.Bcientiflc film entitled: 'fXhe,Mystery of Life." I ■• ■ . .' : . : IN A FEW, WORDS; /--.;. We have no record of. the glove gladiators over whose rccuinbeut bodie* Mr. O'Mallcy waded to an Australian championship, but whoever they- are they would be ■well advised, after last night's exhibition, not to pick a serious quarrel with Ambrose Palmer. .. Ambrose smote the, O'Malley at th« first clang of the gong, . . ■;;". And continued to smite him often (and hard) the whole night long. ■•»■'■ * i ■ • ' '■/ :' WE'D PREFER NOT TO DIE. According to » provincial Contemporary, one of the novelties of tke British National Kadio Exhibition was a radio pillow, the possessor of w.hi«k could "rest his 'dead' in comfoirt om it while the muiic wig playing.'* Heaven spare us that Macabr*. exjSfrience when we ar« on« 4f the "dear de« parted." ":', ■•■■.<•■■ ♦ PUNSTER AT LARGE. As I was saying, just hard by• thia neighbourhood inine.eyes beheld tosday, outside a repairing establishment, tU<| following bulletin:— ■.••■" PUNCTURESDONE HERE, Is. ■ . Why bother to travel, the Main North road to pick up nails and penetrating sundries'? The proprietor of this accommodating business is evidently n* sufferer from local-motor-a-taxi., ... And I say, talking of sun-dries, you can see 'em any day on the beaches n6vr. And lastly, if ever you get a punc turo when going, over the top of Foa«, therston without a spare wheel, and are not sure how to remove the tire, don't forget that it's from the Rimui you-takc-her. S'long, Perce, Yours rc-tyringly, L.D.A. * »■ ■■ » TAKING THE LONG VIEW. ' - The "Landmark," the official orgai of the E.S.U., in its November issu» says: '_' Auckland was formerly con- • structed of wood owing to the fear of earthquakes. . . Tha hill* above the bay command magnifieCnt views of the beech forest oa the sid» of the harbour and the distant mouutains of the Southern Island." Yes, wo have heard from Aucklander* of the very extensive view from; say, Mount Eden; but evidently modesty; has prevented their mentioning the,, beech forest. B.J.P. » . * • MEET "MOTHER EVE." Dear Percy.—Here's hoping that yo>4 will not be too hard on a new aspirant. Can you manage to squeeze me in, and arrange an intro. to the" squad! An* now some loathes. The taximan who puts three pas* sengers on two dickey seats. 1 The person who says "I know for S fact.'" • ■ The childless couple across the wayj who< are self-sacrificingly rearing myj brood on second-hand lecturettes; The bus driver who' consults bis) wristwatch while sweeping past ouij stop. ' ' The passenger who doesn't—bu< grins. - • Poms. The lady next door who comes in on washing day and says, "Now, I'm not} going to stay"—but does. - - The way our flapper says "Yea-s:" (I'm afraid I can't manage that, bull anyway you know what I mean, don 'tj you?) Yours elected (sounds seasonal) o^ rejected, MOTHER ,BYE. »" ' .'* •* * ' THE DINKUM "OIL.", As you may guess, we refer to tba* age-defying, Peter Pan specific, the oil from wheat with, which a Southern, doc* tor has attained to headlines. Hid brother medicoes will scarcely thanfc him for his discovery if it is all that! ho claims for it . . . but these thing! rarely or never are.' We tried full many a drug To keep oia Time at bay. We used Bulgarian Bug— 'Twas no good, anyway. . Our grandpa, 87, He gave the Bug a go. . . • He now is up in Heaven— So far as people know. Voronoil's monkey glands _ v Are guaranteed to make Senility stand on its hands And do the Shimmy Shake, And use the chandelier As a trapeze . . . but, ah, There is a catch, we fear, In the stunt glandular. ' " ■ Wheat—oil of wheat's the .thing. Chew it as horses do, And wait for lifelong Spring To set its seal on you. . . • A bucketful a day, Or less, perhaps, will keep The meddling medico away, And niako the bakers, weep* Brothers, let us begin (And sisters, too) to plunge Our heads deep in the bin And marks of age expunge. Munch heartily, my dears, Defying Nature's claw. What matters if in future years ' Our hair should turn to strawf # ♦ • INDIA IN THE NEWS. You must at one time or another h»r«j seen a photograph of the Agba Khan, immensely wealthy Indian potentate; and Mohammedan high priest—a portly, well-nourished, immaculately-groomed figure leading in one of his famous thoroughbreds. Well, now, the Bombay millionaire recently told a Lou« don audience that if he were a world dictator he would immediately put an end to overeating and overdressing. If: the rotund Indian really has practised what he preaches, he must be accounted one of the most dashing and spectacu* lar failures in history. On the contrary, a reasonably good camera snap, of him would make a most suitable 51* lustration for the page on which Chaucer says:" "In his house it snowed meat and drink." Can it be possible" that the Agha Khan's' conversion to the back-to-nature cult is due to the publicity which the attenuated frame aud loin cloth of his great protagonist, Gandhi, has brought the Mabatma? And talking of Gandhi, we are reminded that when he appeared in his one scant garment at the Royal reception at Buckingham Palace, the King and Queen Mary received him with their; usual graciousness. An American editor, commenting on the incident, holds that the honours of the occasion wOra entirely \^ilh Their Majesties. "It is also a piece of evidence," he added. "to show why the British people •tilt think so much of their King and Quce«< British Royalty uses its brains."