Chronicle and Comment

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 91, 14 October 1931, Page 8

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLACB

Shall wo bo compelled to chango the name presently to the League of dccliNations? * * * The two Rhodcsias, Nyassaland, and Finland are the latest to abandon the gold standard, but at time of our'writing, America and France were still nonchalant. * a >i GET VAMPIRE-PROOF. As well-read people like ourselves are aware, that outbreak of Satanism in. Finland is the outcome of vampirish tendencies. In case the cult should spread to these matter-of-fact isles, we hasten to mention that garlic, masticated or unviolatedj is a sure defeneo against the terror. Vampires qua vampires loathe that devastating vegetable as much as we do. « « * SEND THE OTHER FELLOW. Mr. Gandhi on the future of India, as interpreted in the headlines. INDIA AND LIBERTY. "WOULD PAY MILLION LIVES." We, too, are all for the last man and tho last shilling when the next war for freedom breaks —so long as we don't have to climb into armour and nobody reaches out acquisitive hands |or our last shilling. * * « EMINENTLY FITTING. Cable note from Home:—■ With all solemnity Don Alfons* Carlos, of Bourbon, was proclaimed King of Spain at the tomb of Don Jaime in the family vault, Torre Del Lago. Vault seems the appropriate place for such a ceremony, seeing that tho new Kink is an elderly gentleman ot 82 winters. * * » DUST—BUT NOT HORSES. Dear Percy, The hew Kilbirnio tunnel was opened recently, and I saw last week that the City Council decided to stop horsedrawn traffic going through it. I wonder if you can tell me whether thii prohibition applies to horse hearses, or should it be hearse horses, or hoar 6« horses. I write to ask this, because it is stated that the cost of the tunnel to the ratepayers is £37 a day. As I am not a motorist, and therefore not likely to use tho tunnel, I am altering my will to provide that after my decease I shall have a horse funeral through the tunnel, that being the only way I can think of by which I shall get value for my money as a ratepayer. Paying for this 'ere better 'ole will l>» a long-drawn-out business anyhow. I have the dishonour to be, etc., KENNY OF KILBIRNIE. ir •» ■> ASPIRIN FOR, CAENERA. "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." That was freckled "Bob" Fitzsinimons's view of the matter when asked to give away chunks of weight to an opponent. Old Fitz ii» his prims would have jumped at the chance o£ meeting such a lumbering mountain as Camera, and what he would have done to him would have been just a shame. Sharkey is no Fitzsimmons, but he managed the job in good style.. We caa imagine him. slipping the giant's telegraphed shots and having a merry time 'on that broad, target. His chief rislc would be that- Camera would, coma down full weight wiih one of his number 19 shoes on Sharkey V instep and cramp his footwork, or collapse like ;t stricken pine on tho ex-Lithuanian and flatten him out. However, Joe Kakuasgas that was avoided both those calamities, and emerged from the bout triumphantly. The Goliath's manager, if he is wise, will rest up his charge and then send him, as of old, against some of the shop-worn; • time-worsted heavies for the usual easy money. Tho moral of the battle is that a Suffolk Punch may be a champion in the show ring or on the farm, but you can never hope to win the Ascot Gold Cup witli him. ACCESS—OF IMPATIENCE. Sidelights on the new eastern access by a client who, with a little voluntary assistance on our part, has put this protest on record. The fun'll begin in the tunnel, I fear, With bylaws to govern which read. mighty queer; Don't stop her —if only a, dreaded flat tire. Don't seek the inspector—he might call you a liar. You must not get out of the regular line For. fear of the beak, and a mighty stiff fine! Bob Semple agrees, and he surely should know, That a quadruped careless might get hit below. The Kilbirnie tunnel's a novelty sure. It won't prove for motors the definite cure; What with speed and some fumes and stoppages—gosh, The thing. seems to me to be just so much bosh. Mrs. Newchum's a-driving her very first car, When, sudden, she's stopped with 4 terrible jar. The pilot behind her shouts out itt disgust: ■ "Hey! Step on the gas, or my tir« you'll bust." You must not go forward, you cannot go back —• You'd bo far better off with a sensible hack. Still, the tunnel will prove a real asset, you know; An addition of class to the sight-seemg1 show. Gas fumes and punctures the experts discuss, While we pay them to reason and not make a fuss. What, with suave politicians and engineers, too, I'm as mad as a meat-axe and feel shockingly "blue." Yours to a puncture, "Petrol's Up." PORTMANTEAU WORDS. Mr. Fingc,~About your "portmanteau" word, "booksueaf." This is not a new term, as some seem to think. I have a recollection that some twentyfive years ago the "Sketch" published a series of drawings by a gent, named Sime depicting objectionable people whom ho named "The Snide," "The Snark," "The Sneaf," etc. Perhaps your other reader can help me in this. I have been trying to run down ;i very old newspaper cutting that ought to *be in my possession, "Potted Words," but so far have not been successful. This is a list of words, with their meanings, not found in any dictionary. As an instance, for instance, I give you, for instance, two instances—Bolshevictim and Ginebriate. Those arc all I can remember, and this is where some abler pen than mine girds his loins and hitches up the old pants, spits on lils hands, rolJs up his sleeve-:*, and comes across with a few more cither from the original list or from his imagination. i Dick Shunairjai