POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 90, 13 October 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

it occurs to us that the electors or . Blackpool may not swallow Edgar Wai- • lace's facts as avidly as they devour ( his fiction. , * * * We wouldn't be surprised to hear. jsi \ that the Chairman o£ Committees, ' W. A. Bodkin, has been feeling only " sow-sew since the Coalition, took over. ! » «• * MAYBE IT WAS, TOO. i "Saw this, new to me, in- a Yanke« ' paper," says a client: Lady to Fruiterer: "You know thosa apples you sold me yesterday? Well, there were three of them rotten, and . I'll bring them back." Fruiterer: "Never mind bringing them back, lady; yonr word's just as good as the apples." •c- # # . DIPLOMATIC NOTE. '■ It will be interesting to await tha ' outcome of the United caucus on the : question of the elevation of Sir Jamei • Parr to the leadership of the Upper I House. Our personal view of the appointment is that as you cannot keep \ a good man down, especially when he's I an ex-Minister and ex-High Coinnris- . sioner, the next best thing is to let i him up, give him a pat on the back, anil • offer him a real cigar. That will pre- - vent him from wanting to throw his : weight about some more. * # « 1 OB- DOUBLES UP—WITH LAUGHTER. Apropos the clash between ths 1 "ambling Alp," whose tan shoes refc scmble the Indian canoes of Maxficld [ Parrish for colour and length, and Mr. - Sharkey, the pug-aesthete, we read that ; "with every punch he (Primo) emits - a grunt. .. " What the recipient does 1 when one thunderbolt lands is left to 1 the imagination. Probably he just dreams oa until supper time. *- «■ «• E SEX APPEAL TO CUEE UNEMi PLOYMENT. T It's the sort of thing that, sooner or i later, would be expected to strike the I imagination of the Gallic teinperamen. I talists. Trance reported last month, nearly 175,000 unemployed, with the prospect of steady increases. A brainwave took the military authorities. Why not sex appeal to stimulate voluntary enlistment for the foreign armyT No sooner said than done. When the last mail left, the countryside was ' smeared with posters emphasising tlie } advantages and pleasures of military life. They pictured scantily-clad Indoj Chinese dancing girls, languorous veiled t Moorish women, and other allurements. 3 The reformers, of course, raised a howl, - and their cries were loud in the land - of Gaul. But, at latest advices, Head- - quarters -was neither repeutent nor per- ■ turbed. After every sally of the out- ' raged puritans, it lights another cigarette, lingers an incipient moustache, j and. retires to bed at the usual hour, c its conscience easy in the fact that . it is helping to Teduce unemployment. Who will say, now, that sex appeal is '■ void of practical utilitarian uses? * ■» * BELLICOSITY. ... Calling himself a "peace-maMng war-monger," or, rather, "a war-mak-ing peace-monger," the O'Hogan telegraphs: "Dear Disperse,—l see by the Press cablegrams that the Americans are wanting the British to hand over to the U.S.A. some of their best Warships as a credit against the payment of our war debt. It is said that.the - Americans would particularly like to a take over H.M.S. Hood. Well, I got ii into touch by beam wowless with c the new Conimander-in-Chief of "the Ats lantic Fleet, Admiral Sir John Kelly, $ on this matter, and, says he: 'Yas, yas sir, oh yas!' as the American negro funmaker says in that funny gramophone record when asked what he thinks of Prohibition. We'll exchange ;" our Hood for some of their dollars! On what terms? ye ask. Well, me fine 1 broth of a bh'oy, these arc me terms I for tliim Yankees: O'ill exchange the I Hood on the s.nme terms as our grandfathers exchanged the Shannon for the . Chesapeake." Shades of Captain Broke and Cap- ; . tain Laurence, what think ye of this? * * * 1 OR MISSISSIPPI? " Dear Percy, 1 The manner in which some persons f attempt the spelling of your name is j responsible for this outburst; by that, I mean the unnecessary duplication of . letters, such as Fflagge. It sounds decidedly Welsh—and looks it, too; when one notices the leeks in the 3T and O type. At all events, you should endeavour to prevent your name from developing into a tedious repetition—like Woolloomooloo. [ While studying to be an admiral, I ! found that the easiest way to memorise • a thing was to rhyme it—thus. ■ Green to green 1 And red to red, Perfect safety, go to bed. '. Or Fe fi. fo fum Five parts of water And one of rum. Following this up, I am of the opinion that the verse below will provt ] helpful in the spelling of your namFor Flage is my name : Let the Heralds proclaim, : And on it no shame r Grease-spot or stain Each letter, just once, thanks all th« i same. Sincerely yours, j A.C. (Island Bay) SOLDIERS AND PSALMODY. "Tenplate," author of the passion I fruit sappliic recently starred in. this [ column, forwards a yellowed-with-age clipping headed "Soldiers' Eoutine and Hymns." Wo trust our G.K.S. > will make, learn, and inwardly digest : what follows: ] 6.80 a.m.—Kcvcille, "Christian! Awake.'' ', 6.45 a.m.—Parade, "Art Thou Weary, • Art Thou Languid." 7.30 a.m.—Breakfast, "Meekly Wait i and Murmur Not." ; 8.15 «.m. —Officer's Inspection, "When He Cometh." 1 5.45 a.m.—Manoeuvres, "Fight the Good Fight." 11.15 a.m.—Swedish Drill, "Here We Suffer Grief and Pain." 1 p.m. —Dinner, "Come, Ye Thankful People, Come." 2.15 p.m.—Rifle drill, "Go Labour On." 3.15 p.n*—Officer's lecture, "Toll Me the Old, Old Story." 4.30 p.m.—Dismiss, "Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow." 5.30 p.m.—Tea, "What Means This Eager Anxious Throng." <) p.m. —.Free for night, "Oh, How Happy We Shall Be." 10 p.m. —Last post, "All Are Safely Gathered In." 10.15 p.m.—Lights out, "Pence, Perfect Peace." 10.30 p.m. —Guards' inspection, "Sleep On, Beloved."