POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 49, 26 August 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLACE

Chronicle and Commtnt

Personally we, shall be relieved when the question of this western access is settled once and for all; tha heading has begun to haunt us. ._.-.*.-■■ *' * : f|§f|?|£*;pTH-WILL OUT? .^>Qi:resp6jident draws attention to the :foilowlng notice which, thanks to the -thpujjhtfulness of a wag, appeared in:-prominent} letters on a butcher* shqp^vifrdpw-jn one' of the wester* suburbs'; ''tins' morning:— ''■ "„ ' h;- .' [iNDIARUBBER •!',;'..■ :,:.;■ - meat ' . ; ' ' SOLD HERE. - Prospective clients with store dc*« tures will take warning. * * » THE APOCRYPHA, TOO!

"Inquirer": You are in error It was Charles Kingsley who wrote the hues: "the thing that is, is the thing that shall be, and there is no new thin! under the sun." Kingsley was the author of "Water-babies," "Madame ?°T>, a"T ~Lady Wh-V'" "Paradise Lost, '"I Wonder Who' 3 Kissing her :Now?" and the Z section of the "Eacyclopaedia Britanniea." * * * COMPETITION". Sire,— By way of making application for isew Tear honours, I suggest a competition on the following lines, the idea being to quote the most suitable expression for various trades or walks ia life. Here's how:— The Milkman: "By the same token " The Baker: "Oh, crumbst" Butcher: "Make no bones about With these few I hand on the batoa to your other faithful subjects. Ad multos annos * • ~P- °-B--THE CATCH IN IT. It was Thoreau -who said .- If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps. it is because he hears a different drummer Let him step to the music which he ■ hears. . But supposing he is tone deaf or it ;5' h« whose favourite melody is c a Ti? eaa March ? M" :*",»* *' ' * * QUEER NAMES. entS7 iCaeity" VoUches for «"»• best }f>\y f W' T qU6erx names lißt- Th. CimrSl k?? S^s) ao™e ™s a West County bookseller '.named Nest. He sold his.business to two partners, and the new sign-board read— "PARTRIDGE AND ROBIN LATE NEST." "I have heard" (proceeds "P.P."), of- a family named Raisecurtain, and, matching your policeman, Pincham, aa income-tax inspector called Dunham and a garage keeper named Banghain." Percy Plage, Apropos your postscript on naiva nomenclature, here's a true one A few years ago, place not 1000 'miles from tie,-Empire. City, the local guardians of Law- >n '-Order , included Constables Crow, Steere, Bird, and Quail, while Mason was chief. Do'you wonder at , the ,popular tiije" of ".Mason's Menagerie"? .'..1." l' . -: LEW BRIOATIGN. - THEY DO NOT MATTER.;--Dear CoimadD Flage,—Aneat V th'a visit ot G.B.S. to Russia, I'm rather ute, I know, m referring to:-'it,vbut have only just emerged from' ifie'tall timber where I had taken1 refuge through force of circumstances afid-th» Forbes Budget. Consequently -I^-got rather .out of touch with current events, and am just catching up with themews« papers (and accounts) that have acci*» mulated during my absence. O! George Bernard Shaw, You've been dealing out more - Of that blarney for which you arc famed. And poor Mikko,- in wonder, Was thrilled at the thunder Of Shavian rhetoric aimed At Johnny Bull's blunder In not coming under That Soviet banner inflamed.

With mien so romantic, And language pedantic, He said that the Bolsh. and G.B. Were as brothers, Tevealing The comradely feeling Pervading his soul, don't you see, For Russia and Russians, and all the discussions Against them were futile, said he. He told them, to bootski, We care not ihootski, He's going to stay there and work, But as for returning, he hasn't a yearnin* For England—but this with a smirk. He hadn't a notion of keeping the oceaß Between him and Blighty, this bird, Should he choose to stay there Pulling straw through his hair, He can do so .... we give you our word. There's something about yoii We like, and no doubt you Can deal out a cTout to Your critics, with pen steeped in gall;' But please, Mr. Shaw, Pray let's have no more Of your Russian proclivities hash About ienin and Trotsky And that Soviet spotsky ... For they don't really matter a dash! ,"BUly."

We had closed down on Mr. Gob. B» Shaw, but "Billy's" explanation move! us to re-open our column to this subject for just "this once.

IN PRAISE OF KINGS.

"Still the purple blood stirs th« minstrel to apoplectic pumping,'- com* ments a benevolent cynic apropos of M. Leon Baudot's monarchical prose raptures on the Orleaus-Braganza wedding recently. Pelmanistic clients will recall that we, too, iv this occasionally; jejuue column, placed a metrical chaplet on the brows of the uear-Royal pair. Daudet is, of course, out and out for the restoration of the' "traditional French monarchy " .. . ; henct liis panegyrics. Byron worked tli» Bragauza into a couplet like this— :

Princely offspring of Bragauza, Erin greets thee with a stanza. And talking of singers of Kings, the successors to old Homer, laureate Eusden saluted that dumpy old Silehus, George 1., in a birthday ode: ■ Here every virtue pleas'd thou mays* behold That rais'd a Hero to a God of old; To form this Ode, the mis 'd Ideas draw Prom Edward, Henry, and the lov 'd Nassau. Perhaps the most astounding and— having regard to all the circumstances —unforgivable of all was the distich of Alfred Austin, written when the Prince of Wales who became Edward VII. was dangerously ill. Across the wires the electric message came: "He is no better, he is much the same." As an example of 18-earac unwitting bathos, tan you better that?