POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 151, 29 June 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chtonicle and Comment

BY PERCY FL/.GE

Becontty five portions' were fined at Wokim?, Surrey, for using wireless sees without licences. A rude waking for Woking. - * * * A tea-cup rending. "Succoss and fortune 'seldom come stalking up one's home street uninvited," —Sir Thomas Liptou. We know it! They just come upon ours blindly, and invariably knock at the wrong door. ■ ,■' '"■ ! » ■■•■■# ■■«■'■• We 'make use of this one from aa overseas contemporary primarily because it is well worth it, and anyhow we can »t be expected to think of every* thing; "If the wife laughs at you* jokes, you can be sure that either, you know some good ones or you ha.ro » good wifo." .<• ' WILD AND WOOLLEY. In the circumstances, they, did astonishingly well, but — On Saturday at Lord's, our lads' Performance would have been just bully If, when he buckled on his pads, Frank Woolloy had gone wild-'a'-woolly. . As he refused to go wool-gathering. His. side escaped an awful slathering. . . * #. '■ # FAULTY DIAGNOSIS.. , ■ "Pill-roller" writes: — Dear Percy,—You suggested tliß other clay that economic doctors who are continually discovering new causes for the depression would help more if they ceased research in that line and concentrated their collective wisdom on concocting a pill for the anaemic patient. But is not much of our trouble due to the past practico of politico* economic quacks asking tho patient _to put out his tongue and then proscribing- worm powders for concussion of tli* brain 7 *" # * « SHELL SHOCKS. ' Our high-salaried F. 0.0. at Athletic Park, "Howitzer," bumps over thost shells. The fastest man on the ground in the Wellington-Varsity match was D. Paris. Unfortunately Davo was moraly the referee. To have taken half those alleged passes fired at him by his brother backs, Ruru ■ would have had to combine the poculiar qualities of a conjurer, contortionist, and sword-swal-lower, Apropps of M'Lean —it takes a groat salesman these hard times to sell even, a dummy. A big All-Blacker forward and th» most mountainous man in the 'Varsity; side staged somo effective shadow-spar-ring. The rof. rightly viewed tha interludo without prejudice. The crowd was auxious to see the bouncing Ball take the ref. on for a 50-yard sprint, but regrettably tha thrill did not come off. returned from Australia, ajid glad to bo back, "Diod^riel toiled like a demon. It is rumoured that afc the final whistle ho was heard to croon. Aujd Lang Syne (25 per cent, of your wages, please). Mark Nicholls ought to copyright his kick over the mark into his owa hands. Kilby gave it ago on Saturday, but, unlike Potopo, Wellington just missjed the try. The line umpire was noticed trying to induce the ambulance officer to pick-a-back him, but weight told. Many are remarking that some of our leading forwards are "shining" examines. A la Povtqr? Final score, 10-14. "Significant figures," said a small boy. They aro| * *■.■■» EOCKING-CIIAIR EHYME. W© aro frail, but we are honest Clients, ere this verso thou connest, we havp hero a tip for you; do not read the chanty through till tho last four lines you scan; they disclose our, dubious plan. If you think tho game is faiv, try these in your rocking-chair. Come, lei; us chant in a mood coaj amoro, oh, This newly-made orotund oratorio. It is more jolly than Tilden on tennis is, Or the 10th chapter, vorso 10, oij Genesis. It will not deal with that dark artj chiropody, Pull-throughs, pantechnicons, lost oj; pawned property, Minxes, or men with a flair £05 misogyny— They are the kind who but raro'y have progeny. Shall we discourse on somo. form astronomical, Or turn like tho gourmet to things gastronomieal, Pause to consider just how much a dolphin weighs, Or the sad business of amateur golfin' ways? Wo shall not dwell on thoso trumpery; tyrannies Suffered by those who Basque under; the Pyrenees. That is a subject we fancy's too serious, . Spiritually vexing, if not deleterious. Rhythm like this going rum-ti-tunx .. * tootally, Is just a trick, we confees to you brutally— ' Merely a lazy, space-filling axpedient Lacking one single redeeming ingredient. #*• * ' MBS. CIVIL SERVANT, Dear Pore, — !,-.'. The members of the Public Sor.vic* have been told that they must be care* fur what they do with their wives. I mean they must not allow their wives to earn any money. Now I am in a bit of a quandary. My wife has sonio go'i Iminjng s. ares, an< was tin king of taking up so»e more «i one of <he beat mines that has ever been started in this country—l moan, of course, up to the present.-- She also has a punt on a slow racehorse now and then, thanks to your tips.l Are you in v position to tell mo whether my wife must aell her goldmining- shaves, and whether she must also give up punting? Perhaps I should Uave written to your legal column, hut, Perc, I will be satisfiod with your reply. In the meantime, boat of luck 10 you for tho noxt Wellington Meeting. ...-■"-■ . PUZZLED. 'Actually- you .are on tho wrong number, "Puzzled"; nevertheless we don't mind helping you ouk If your wife is passably charming—in bthor words, has some "it"—we shall give her a letter of introduction to the Public Service Commissioner, who is an obliging and impressionable chap. That done —well, she could cither-sell her shares to tho local Currency Reform League, and punt on faster. horses, or retain tha shaves and stay' homo and have a hot tea ready for ydu when you return stumped'ffoni,i'reutliam. Thanks for good wishes. What's a sal© double to; take?- - -, ■-■■■ ' -: -..--^