POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXI, Issue 103, 4 May 1931, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

THE INGE BLUES. News note (Dean Inge speaking)?; "Even if she were slapped on. the faco, England could not go to war.'' There's no use hoping, It never was worth while; I was born for moping— That's my true-"blue style. G. B. Pshaw. * « * A SELL. Typographical phenomenon in a provincial journal. BUSINESS NOTES. BN b,-.. :;: t ... JOHN BEOWA T'S FEIDAY SALE. '" "What could have made the linotypt operator so indignant? * * ♦ COMMAS NEEDED.. .From a Northern exchange—a reference to Chichester and his traiis-Taa-man flight:— Minor parts of his aeroplane , were aboard the- ship and -they, would be returned after repairs had been- effected to Lord Hows . Island. According to this version, the gallant aviator has made his mark literally as well as figuratively. * * • APOLOGY. "Foaming'at the Mouth." writes: "Have you no semblance of chivalry? No sense of British justice? Why wasMrs. M'Vicar's name the only one omitted from your piffle on Saturday —that anaemic 'Electioneering' dope? It seemed to me deliberate. There, are several excellent rhymes for M'Vicar .., and you know them! What's behind this studied exclusion?" Nothing behind it at all, indignant' one. It was just a slapsus slinguae. Always the little gent, we apologise— of course. Our people did not coma over with the Conqueror for nothing. . . we sat pretty on landing, you can bet your boots. However, this regrettable . incident is not without a really bright side for Mrs. M'Vicar. Ifeshehas any racing friends —and wo fervently hope sho hasn't —they would toll her that almost invariably when a horse is left off the card it lands the mustard, e.g., pays a dividend; that is, wins. Ergo» unwittingly we have substantially improved the lady's chance of election. That is our hope, at any rate. * * ■ '*. HA' MERCY! "Hemi Pango" tries his nand at a nice, round, full-bodied imprecatorjr invocation, and produces this philological simoom: Dear Percy,— ■ . Has it- ever occurred to you how out ancestors were handicapped in the. matter of evolving a really comprehensive soul-satisfying curse? Although in those- days, when curses were- looked upon as one of the customary social amenities, no doubt the component parts of genus homo were similar in number, appearance, and purpose to those now worn, their real names were still undiscovered, so the would-be curser was perforce restricted to reference to appendages or other perquisites germane to the proposed curses of such an obvious nature as hair, teeth,-and toe-nails. Now, in these enlightened days, if I wished to curse my favourite enemy; (I won't tell you his name) lam enabled to proceed-thus: Thou' myopic, stfabismic nictalops! Thou bronchocephaious , ' steatopygous homunculus-l; Thou insensate poliomyelitic phantasmagoric slob! Be thou cursed in thy) pancreas, in thy medulla oblongata, in, thy vermiform appendix, and in they, sterno-elcidoniastoid! May thy phagocytes make' war upon thy corpuscles,may thy pituitary cease to minister unto thee, and may elephantiasis seiza upon thy epiglottis! May "thy duodenum rise unto thy aesophagus and'thy parict'als descend unto thy os coccyx, may thy serratus ma gnus adhere to thy ossa iiinominata, and thy gastrocnemius to thy metatarsals, may thy cerebrum and cerebellum, liquify and percolate to thy, acetabulum, ma.y thy ( haemoglobin turn, to bile, and thy 'D . vitamins to staphylococci! ' * * ■■ * NOES HATE IT. As is sometimes said in "another place": "The Ayes will go to tha right, the Noes to the left." Interval. of suspense—perhaps. Then— ff*Th9 Noes have it." And that 5s our "wish; on this, momentous issue, because tv* didn 't want whatever it ■ is, anyhow* Our tabor, an it please you— ; What shall we write about? What ' Is there to write about . . . say! ■ Civic elections? Great Scott! They had their turn, Saturday. > Anyhow, does our blood go Leaping and sweeping and hot At the-' thought of the figures thai Wednesday will show? No! Most decidedly not! '' What shall we write about? What : Is there to rightabout .. . say! i Lang! Please cease talking such roi> ' Who is "Big Jack," anyway? ' Has Carol/ been forced to lie low? v. Or Capone been put on the spot? '• We'll give 'eni a neat little jingle^ if so; ', Otherwise —certainly not! *; What shall we write about? What .' Is there to write about . . . say!, | Opening of Rugger? A lot \ We care about that sort of playt i Hockey? Or Soccer? Go slowl But here is a point you may swatAre we voting for for Mayor? No, no! Oh, most undecidedly not! * * * YETH, LETH! Dear Percy, Have looked up my "Rhymers' Dictionary" and found several words that apparently have none other to rhyme with them. —Remember the word "month" and the old couplet? "There is no word that rhymes with month, Yet he that lisps can do it at oneth." Now, supposing you let your clients "have a go" at, say, "Pint," "Wolf," "Tenth," etc.? , Yours, ; E.C.H. P.S. (Different). —I was just thinking that-"Dieu ct mon droit" applies to Royalty, but seeming]}' if good old Labour had their way wo poor plebians could choose for our motto, "Adieu' a in on droit!" E.C.H. (With "walrus" and "currant" added to our client's list above, we are prepared to receive entries for this classical contest. P.F.) "