Page 24 Advertisements Column 1

Evening Post, Volume CIV, Issue 68, 17 September 1927, Page 24

frolfetjtt THE NEWSPAPER OP /'THE RIGHT SPIRIT." Published Quite Often. Largest circulation in New Zealand. Guaranteed equal to the comWned circulations of the papers in —'•'-h it appears. FOMPSON— SPEED DEMON! ♦ r WORLD'S RECORD FOR NEWZEA'AND Starting from the summit of Mount Egmont and finishing in the Casualty Ward of the Hospital for Almost Injcurables, Stewart Island, Willie Fumpson easily broke Major Segrave's rejpprd for speeding. He also broke 12 Tibs, 4 stone walls, a railway bridge, and everything in his car. ) Willie Fumpson, 'as he hopes to be f after three months' improvement. The great little sportsman used his own machine, The Flying Fumpson. "Why use an engine?" he said before the trip. My idea is to carry the Fly--sng Fumpsoa to the top of Mount Egmont, and-just let her rip. She'll rip, all right)! There are 21. wheels; if one wheel can go at 20 miles an hour, 24 can go at 480. And they are all oiled with Big Tree, so I ought to touch 600 m.p.h." Everything happened ns the onlookers expected. "Hush," said Dr. Forceps. "We cannot say yet what the exact speed was, because the speedometer is still mixed up in some strange way with Willies kidneys. After looking at the car, we think it must have been going at over 800 miles an hour." ■ ■ The hospital authorities are still trying to decide whether a long thing discovered at the bottom of Mount Egmont is the back axle or Willies backbone. Will anyone personally acquainted with Willies backbone kindly help to identify it?

FAR AND NEAR —« — NEWS FRQM ALL QUARTERS 'A Christchurch (Canterbury): tortoise named Rudolph, which has been feeding on Big Tree left by mistake in its cage, was seen to'pull up. at a True Blue Pump in Blenheim ten minutes latter. Is this-a rcord? ■ Resident in Rotoruii for over 100 years, • Willie Dumpling, who says that he remembers being patted on the head by Bonnie Prince. Charlie celebrated his 802 nd birthday .yesterday. "I attribute my long life to Timber's Great Carraway Cure," he says.—(Advt.) "There is no need for a new road to Hataitai," said t!he Siamese Ambassador to Honolulu, speaking at Johnsonyille, Mo., yesterday. "If motorists ■will only use Big Tree they will simply love driving over Mount Victoria." Fragments of a True Blue Pump found at the bottom of JLake Taupo has led geologists to believe that th> parly Maoris were a faster lot than jvas generally thought. . Asked why he burst into a vestryToom -where' a Mothers' Meeting was being held without first knocking at the door, Clarence Boggins, a DanneTirke underwear salesmap, said that since using Big Tree he had forgotten Jrhat knocking meant. MOTORING ITEMS TRAVESTIED No. 7—BACK-FIRING. STOP PRESS ! NECKLACE FOUND! Miss Pansy Ansy's diamond necklace, "The Pride of Porirua," has been found in her muff, Reuter announces. Interviewed, Miss Pansy said, "I think imiffs are perfectly thrilling!" Inspector McGoofy, who has been following a clue in Labrador, asks us not to print the remarks he made when the news was conveyed to him.' The next iisue of this Bulletin I appears in this paper next Satur- I day. Watch out for it. I BIG TREE "The Right Spirit" AT THE TRUE BLUE PUMPS