LITTLE RIFT WITHIN THE LUTE

Evening Post, Volume CIX, Issue 143, 20 June 1925, Page 17

LITTLE RIFT WITHIN THE LUTE

There was a little bride, And sho wore a little veil, a OVi° a liu'° countenance, A little wan and pale; While the minister was reading' The wedding service sweet, Sho winced, as If sho really couldn't Stand upon her feot. Tho little brido was happy— A Jove match 'twaa, all right; But, oh! her little wedding shoes \\ ere very small ■ and tight!

Watson (whoso wife has just bought him a now shirt): Good night I Sixteen and a halt'! That's .what I K ot for marrying a telephone operator—she always gets the wrong number.

The Modern Girl: I'm going to have a good cry, and hang the expense!

First Motorist (reading) : Here's a motorist injured while trying to avoid hitting a pedestrian. ■ Second Motorist: I have no sympathy for such a soft-headed' defeatist.

Doctor: It's a boy, Professor. The Absent-Minded Professor: What is ? ■ ■ ' .

American Visitor: "Why don't they show a comedy instead of this scenic?" 'Is English 'Ost: "Oh, thoy never show comedies at the cinoma in England on Saturday night. They're afraid they'll cause laughter in the ehurche3."

Gibbleton: Edison declares that four hours' sleop a night, is enough for any man.

Briggs: By Jove! That is exactly what my baby thinks.

Little Willie: Uncle, does father liko to watch you play football 1 Rich Uncle: What an idea! I don't play football. .-..-•

Little Willie: Well, I heard father say that whenever you kicked off, he'd quit working. . . ■ . . .

A record number of Americana ere ospocted to visit' England in the summer. They will probably travel by the Three fctar Line.

The first all-American opera has been produced at Monte Carlo. The idea we understand, is to drive cautious visitors to the gambling tables. -

An absent-minded man was d.eep in his work when his wife callod out to him: Henry! Baby has swallowed air the ink m w -la ink P°fc- Whatever shall we do?" ■Write with a pencil, I suppose," was the dreamy reply. -

We hear that an American visitor to i.ondon was enthusiastic about the" facilities granted motorists to park their cars m tlis streets, until he learned that he had been looking at a traffic block.

lair Visitor: But where do you bathe? yo-ed: in the spring. Fair Visitor: I didut say when, I said where.

Psychology Prof.: "Illustrate a, complex. Go-Ed.: "Powder, powder puff lipstick, and rouge." :

Sceptical Lady: "And can I imr this coat in the rain without hurting it?" Fur Salesman: "Madam, have you ever seen a skunk carrying an umbrella,"

Little Will: ■ "What's skeletons, anyway .Big Bill: "Bones with the people off, my son."

Hortense: "Don't you think there are a great many, things nowadays that have a tendency to divert the-mind from matrimony?' Marjorie: "Oh. yes, ever ao many, especially after marriage."

First Farmer: "How do you find your new hired man, E/.ra?" Second Fanner • I-look in the shade of the tree nearest his work.

Park Officer: "Do you have a license?" Parked Driver: "Of course not. We're not going to get married till June are we, dear?

Every time I have an argument with my girl I enter it in a small diary. "Ah— 1 see. You keeip a little Borapbook."

"And you say you guarantee these canaries? _ 'Guarantee them? Why, madam, I raised them from canary seed!"

.Daughter: "Ho says he thinks I'm the 'mn°, S» 1 ! n town> Shall * ask him to call? Mother: "Iso, dear; let him keep on thinking bo." "

i-"9?; U * man ' tell' when- a woman loves him? feure; but she is liable to get mad. • b

My invariable practice," saya Lord Hewart, is to put anonymous letters into the fire unopened." The. possession of X-ray eyes capable of seeing that the letters are unsigned ia most unusual. ■

Mother: "Don't you think, dootor youve rather overcharged for attending Jimmy when he had the measles " Phv sioian: "You must remember, Mrs. Brown, that includes twenty-two visits." Mother: "Yes, but you forget ha infected the whole school?

An African snake is ?aid to" break the eggs it eats when they are already halfway down its throat. Snakes have more taiLri than vro have.

"^l husband has 'the disposition of a T; i • T11^" 7°, v- ¥ d ¥ tter n°t talk about him behind his back.

■Ruth (just back from tho country)'IXm know, dear, being back in town, I do tm.s.3 all the cows and sheep and p ga and thKjgs." Robert: "Yes, but you still have me, darling.

Henry: "Does your wife pick all jour pockets 0" "NO> iUSt tho

A Wifes Precaution—"Darling, before you go to bed spread some newspapers on the floor in front of the fire so the sparks won t get on tho new rug."

At the close of * wedding breakfast a truest not od for his blunders rose to his eet eaus.mor anxiety to all who knrw him Ladies and gentlemen." he said, "T drink to the health-of rhe bridegroom. Ma"v hesee many days like tin's." 5

T lya4've°'' ar° aU hal'd afc ifc Ivhen

Bobby," said the teacher etemlr, "do you know that you have broken a Coni mandment by. stealing; James's apple?-' "Well Bobby. »I Ini>ht just as well break ono and havo the ™1p ™ break another and only covet it "-1

•Tudpet "Guilty or not tniiltv?" Rastuq ■ "Not guilty suh.". Jud ?o: ' "Ever in E-arjl before?" Rnstus: "No, suh I never stole anything before."

lo"^v,. Tn a/sinoi":" Sa'(l 'S'ni"'';- "T f'^>clo<l "So T tlioiißlit at the°"uino S!UI S^So' every week, tho amount T would havo spent for eicrars and at the end of six years 1 found I lind 500 dollars in bank" "f.ood! ' exclaimed Sponsor. "Could yon lot me have -" "And a. f ew flays added bmarl quickly, '.'the bank /ailed "'

ArioW-lfmer is one who ran recall when smolcm- a. r.i, oV er:c behind (ho bam cm ,. shhilccl the founWalion of a disreputable

Jink;. Jnsl, what is a house drcff?