TROUBLE WITH A TEA.

Evening Post, Volume CVI, Issue 126, 24 November 1923, Page 17

TROUBLE WITH A TEA.

According to a weekly paper, the use of large quantities of tea accounts for nearly all tho irritable tempers that spoil family life. . ' ■ Priscilla, my dear, there was almost a

When your milliner's bill hit the mat, And I smashed seven glasses, and cracked

a tureen, Ere kicking the dog and the cat. For you cannot deny you were peevish, my soul; You muttered distinctly, "Dear me!" Now, what was the cause of your lack of control? . „ Are you over-indulging in tea ? You' really must struggle your temper to check— Why, only this morning, my own, When I landed your brother (who'd call- \ _. ed) in the neck ■ With our. rockery's principal stone, Though you very well know that my ■ joy would be dead If ever we failed to agree, I m certain I noticed you shaking your head; Are you over-indulging in tea? . HEAD FURNITURE. To the woman who, it is alleged, buys Paris hats by the dozen but hesitates over sixpence in buying a book. Who. shall explain thy bold disdain Of choice ador.iment for the brain? With feelings risible. I speculate on fashion's whim If milliners thy mind could trim, If brains wero visible. Oft as I muse on woman's views Reflected in the shopping queues, My pathway blocking, I wonder, madame, wouldst thou thole A Girton grauuate—with a. hole ■ In her blue stocking ? "So you've taken to carrying around a monkey ! This :-s going too far!" "Well, you never go anywhere with me," was his wife s double-edged retort. Jones: "You say she is proud?" Jenkins: "Proud? Why. that woman woulon t read a serial story becau6e she would have to buy it on the instalment plan!" Mistress: "Mary! Do you know that I couW write my name on the dust on the piano? Mary (rapturously): "Oh, ma am,, ain't it nice to be eddioated ?" t I*nf} lor(J: "I *«> sorry, my man, but i shall have to. raise your rent next month." Pat: ; An' I'm . much obliged. , 1 ,wa,3 wondering how I could raise it meelf by that time!' First Man: "Excuse me, sir, could you let me come to the telephone ? You have been there twenty minutes without saying a word." Second Ditto: "Sorry, sir, but I'm talking, to my wife!" ht" So. jou,rs.re goin S to *» married, Mary ?" "Yes, ma'am, and I'll be leav-ing-you next Tuesday." "Well. I hopp you are getting a good husband." " "If he ain't ariy better than the one ybu'vo got I won't keep him, long.". i j^l1 .'. s Wffle«.. have you posted the ledger? gaid an employer to his new clerk. "Yeth, thr, I've pothted the ledger; but, lor, thr, it wath too bitr for the letther-botch, tho I had to take it inthide the poth-offth. Professor (very ne«-sighted): Hullo, Jones! You look like some one else. James: lam. This isn't Jones. First Simple Nimrod: Hey, don't ihoot. Your gun isn t loaded. His Partner: U»n t help that; tho bird won't wait. .i.Dins r-: * *>av° eaten much better steaks than this one Waiter (through force of habit):.. Not here, sir, not here. I Aberdonian: Hoo did I like London? Grand! Yon's tho place for me. Every time ye go into a restaurant ye find tuppence under yer plate! Bill: She said her face wai her fortune Jill—Poor thing! She: I'd rather dance than eat, wouldn't you? He: Well, I think I eat best. Proud Mother: Oh, John, the baby can walk! Cruel Father: Good. 'He can walk the floor with himself at night, then. George: Do you think that your father will consent to our marriage, darlihe? Ethel: Oh, yes! He has always humoured my silliest wishes.. Jones: What do you think of a man who has to use a safety-pin to connect his trousers with his suspenders? Brown: He should either get married or get a divorce. Miss Ever Tardy: Really, Mrs. Sharp, I was almost ashamed to come, it is so shockingly lite. Mrs. Sharp: Not at all, Miss Tardy; you could never come too late. A trade journal admits that motors are far too noisy nowadays. I suppose the idea is that a noisy motor gives the pedestrian far too good a ohanco of getting away. Waiter (yelling downl the kitchen tube) : Hey, Alphonse, make that chop a steak. Alphonse: Sacre! Vot you 'tink? I'm a chef; not a magician. Father's method of working problems in algebra: "Ask your mother. Can't you see I'm busy?" It seems to a child that he never is the right size. He always is cither too big or too little for everything he wants to do. Tho teacher Vas taking a. Sunday school class. "Now," she said, "why is a certain part of the church called the altar?" "Because," said one bright boy "it is where people ohange their names. A little girl was spending her first night from home. As the darkness gathered she began to cry. The hostess asked: "Are you homesick?" "No," she answered, "I'm. here-siok." Jones: "Do you keep your birthday at your home?" Father (of seven unmarried daughters): "Yes—a secret.' 1 A.: "Is he very grammatical?" B.: "I should say not. It took, him a year onoe to finish one little sentence." "Is Muffler getting a pretty fair salary?" "Oh, yes;l enough to keep body and soul and two-seater together.". Teacher: "What is the milky way?" Bobby: "It's the path the cow took when she jumped over the moon !" Billy Stubbs: "Oh, the perfidy of woman ! To think she would throw me over for the baker's boy just for the stale buns he gits 'er." Jones: "What did thelaundryman do with the follow who ran of! with that shirt?" Brown: "He collared and cuffed him." Mrs. Mann: "My husband must be lonesome. Every letter he-writes he asks me when I'll be home." ' Her Friend: "Perhaps ho is merely cautious." A LETTER FROM WEST AFRICA. "Dear Master, —I have the pleasure to regret to inform you that when I go bath this morning a billow he remove my trouser. Dear Master, howi can I go on duty when only one trousor ? If he get loss where am I ? Kind write Accra that they send me one more trouser and co I catch him and go duty. Good-day Sir. My Gad, how are you? Your U»vin« s« r .