MODES AND MORALS.

Evening Post, Volume CVI, Issue 90, 13 October 1923, Page 19

MODES AND MORALS.

[Ladies who wish to be in the fashion to-day »re advissd that they must be demure.] '

Renounce the frank and boyish laugh, The giddy glance, the chippy chaff, The pose that asks a photograph, The cult of "Joy"; Rehearse in iieu the modest mem, The drooping lash and port serene, Cut out "Old boy," and "Dear old bean," In brief, be coy.

A year ago the roguish glance, With something of a manful stance, Invited comradeship's romance; ■ The stirrup cup Acquaintance yields to dreamy sigh, The boyish stLre to glances shy; Remember, girls, the downcast eye Is looking up! "Chroniole." ■ A.W. AN OVERWORKED ELOCUTIONIST. Once there was a little boy, whose name was Robert Recce; And every Friday afternoon ho had to speak a piece. So many poems thus he learned; that soon he had a store Of recitations in his head and still kept learning more. And row this is what happened; he was called upon 0110 week And totally forgot the piece ho was about to speak. His bram he curgelled. Not a word remained within his head! And so he spoke at random, and this is what he said: "My Beautiful, my beautiful, who standest proudly by It was the schooner Hesperus—the breaking waves dashed high! Why is this Forum crowded? What means this itir in Rome? Under a spreading chestnut tree, there is no place like home! When freedom from her mountain height cried, "Twinkle, little star." Shoot, if you must, this old grey head, ' King Henry of Navarre! , Roll on, thou deep and dark blue castled

orag of Drachenfels, My name is Norval, on the Grampian hills, ring out wild bells! If you're waking, call me early, to bo be or not to be, The curfew must not ring to-night! Oh, woodman, spare that tree ! Charge, Chester, Charge! On, Stanley, on! and let who will be clever! The boy stood on the burning deck, but I go on forever!" His elocution was superb, his voice and gestures fine; His schoolmates all applauded as he finished the last line. "I see it doesn't matter;," Robert thought, "what worda I say, So long as I declaim with oratorical display."

—Carolyn Wells.

"I'll give you a penny foi a kiss, Elizabeth. "No, thank you! I can earn more takin' cod-liver oil."

"Mummie, may I have your Rowder fc minute?' "Why, dear?" "Those poor cows' noses are all shiny."

"Has he taken up radio as a. fad?" •' No. as a frenzy."

Deademona: Aren't you going to take mo to the movies this evening, Othello, dear?

Othello (gloomily, reaching for the pillow); l*o; a'mother time.

Susrpfestipn for revised German national anthem : "Deutschlaud Über Alles Where Art Thou?"

If Omar Khayyan were to ask now in the States for a loaf of bread, a iug of wine, and thou!—he'd get a jug.

Your husband has been ill? I 3 his condition critical?" asked the vicar, who was paying his monthly call. "It's worse than critical," replied tho worried-looking woman; "it's abusive."

"You have no children, I grant you, but tell me this—did your father have any?'

Mrs. Hubbs: "I wonder why so many people put their valuables under their pillows before going to ifleep- " Mr. Wubbs.— I don't know; perhaps they like to have a little money to Jail back on! \

Mamma.—Johnny, see that you give ■fastner the lion's share of that oange Jonnny.—Yos, ma. Esther (a little later)'. —•Uamma, ho hasn't given me any Johnny.—Well, that's all right. Lions don t eat oranges.

"Well, Mrs. Wilkins. and what did his worship sa.v to you this morning?" He' said to me, Ms. Read, "Canr't you and your husband live together without fight"JS- , . And I says to him, "No, your Worship; not happily."

Hospital Patient—"Doctor, is there any danger of the operation proving fatal?" Hospital Surgeon.- "Really, mv good man, considering that we are experimenting on you free of charge, your idle curiosity is hardly good form."

First Woman. "How do you like our new neighbour?" Second Woman.—"l never saw such an ignorant person as she is. She can't talk about anythine but painting, books, and music. She doesn't know a word of gossip about anybody.

Mrs. Tornkins was in need of new clothes and adopted her usual tactics with Mr. Tomkins. "A tree, you know dear, gets new clothes every spring- a new parasol—new everything" "Yes" acquiesced her husband, "and makes them all itcelf. '

*J« dOIJ' i >£""![> ether to Publish this testimonial," said tho inventor of a new nair restorer "vVhat does it cay?" askad a. fneaf "Befora I used your hair reh T U^-**"™ bald patches on my head. Now i have only one!" read the inventor, with a ; smile.

Cavalry Recruit (about to take his first lesson ;n horsemanships-Sergeant, pick me out s nice, gentle horse. Sergeant - Jiavo you ever ridden a horse before? Boeruit.-Ho, Sorgeant.-Ah! Here's rWrf k a t nimal t? r you- Nev« been ridden before. You can start out togetner.-

..AO. e<|i'or recently became engaged, and this is how ho became difingagec! :—'TU write to you whilo you are away, deareat, she murmured. "Do, by all means," he replied absently; "but kindly write on one s;dc or the paper only, hid en-