SENEX IRRITANS.

Evening Post, Volume CVI, Issue 48, 25 August 1923, Page 19

SENEX IRRITANS.

When I was twenty tho world wa6 a daisy, Blue, were tho skies as tbo dyes of a girl: "Elders and betters" were no le* than orazy— ■ Day w.as a jig- and the night was a whirl. When I was forty the world was a-' melon, Everyone out to make sure of his slice Juicy enough to get sick and get well on — ■ : Heady to buy and to/ pay the full price. Now I am sixty the running is faster— Not a whit daunted, I ssep just aside Watching the race, and avoiding disaster, Smiling superior, olothed in my. pride. Oh, for the zeafc of it! Forty and twenty .Each had his fling—but for sixty re- , ' mains Only remembrance, and echoes in plenty. Still—there's some pleasure in using your brains! "Life-" -W.S.M.

The barber's idea of a bad citizen is one- who won't get a haircut when he needs it.

We gather from the reports that shooting for the new Presidency of Mexico is about to start, remarks a Glasgow paper.

Visitor: And has he learned to talk yet? Fond Mother: My; yes! We're teaching him to keep quiet now.

Headmaster (absent-mindedly, writing a dinner invitation): Failure to observe this notice will not be excused.

Nurse: Did the doctor take your temperature? Lowbrow: I don't think so. All I ye missed- so far is my watch.- \

He: "Has your friend the soprano ever reached high C?- She:. Yes; one day at the dentist's I believe she did.

He: Is my memory correct as to your last name? She: You'd better try to remember my middle one. The last one changes so often.

Magnetism v the faculty, of making people admire in you qualities you don't possess.

House Agent: Moreover, sir, this house is considered ; to have the most perfect loggia m the county. • \ ■ ■ ■ P^fiteer: Well, if we take the place 6 U aye. to go. We've done with lodg.

Local Umpire (who is also a membeiot the church :ohmr>: Jarge cops 'im on the leg with 'is first ball an' never Bays nothm, so I shouts alto-like, '"ow' B JJg'^An' theij I shouts bass-like ttowt!' an' howt 'o goes; an' that's 'ow we won the match. :: '

First Lady -So. glad I've met you here. I hope you'll forgive the short notice and lunch with me to-morrow?

Second Lady (equal to'-the occasion): Thanks; Im lunching with Lady Wessex.. ■ - ' ■

First Lady: Really! Well, if you can go early she- might bring you on when sno comes to me. ' t

May: What made you tell the Judge you-married Dick for his money? FayWell, h 6 asked me. why I did it,- and j knew he was constitutionally opposed to insanity pleas.

Panel Doctor (to gloomy patient): You must drive away this depression. Practice a. spirit of cheerfulness. Sing at your work, as it were.. Patient: Sing at my work?, Why, it can't be done, fir I'm a glass blower. .

„; y ou women ought to be like stars in the lives of us men." " Certainly—come out at night and disappear in the morn-

Jim: Teacher Skmny's cheating. Teaoher: How, James? Jim: Weir in this physiology question of how many 'ver. tebrae we have he's trying to count his

An Englishman in Paris had to visit the dentist. "And, m'eieur," asked the servant in. a tender tone, "whom shall I have the misery to announce?"

Gray is an ungrateful cuss." "What's he done now?" «He won £25 for i slogan to boost his home town.' and- used toe money to move away."

• Chairman: I think we'd better begin Lecturer .-.But there isn't anyone irfthe hall. Chairman: Ah, I forgot to tell you Ihe leoture is being broadcast.

"Sir, I. am a bill colleotor." "Then I can. furnish you with one of the most choice collections in the world, all authentic. I thought you were after money "

• . Y lß ' S" 1"' ? rork is a^roe, but Oi got a. J°b l*st Sunday that brought me a quid " «to ft* 1 Pat?- You broko tllD Sabbath?" Well sor, H wuz me or the Sabbath. Wan of u 3 had to be broke*'

, 1 5. 1"3:,7 0ur Mother says you've been telling him about my affairs. He: That's not true; She: But he says you have lie: I say n.s not true. It's just like you. always more ready* to believe other people's lies than mine.

™, r P l3<lo $ at.R"!nil donu* demand leplied the Pres E agent, "saying that'she Binge like.an angel. She said, she saw no reason for complimentary references to anybody 6 singing except her own."