THRIFT.

Evening Post, Volume CVI, Issue 36, 11 August 1923, Page 19

THRIFT.

Fuir thrifty Jock a saxpenoe spied A-lying in the gutter, He rinned tae prab it strecht awa', His hairt strings a' aflutter; A motor-bus crushed puir Jock doon, Ma- pen wi' horror pauses— The Coroner his verdict gave Aa "Deith frae Natural Causes." "Life." —R.O,

"Doe 3 she know Grace to speak to?" "No, only to talk about."

"Can you write shorthand!" "Yes, air; but it takes me longer."

"Every man should take a vacation away from his wife." "Try and get it!"

Professor: Mr. Jones, you are late. Jones: Sorry, sir. I overshaved.

Teacher: What is a buttress? Flossy A buttress is a fejnale butter-maker.

Professor: Mr. Jones, you are late. Jones: Sorry, sir. I overshaved.

Teacher: What is a geyeer? Pupil: A. w&terfall going up.

"They exhumed the wrong body." "What a grave mistake."

The modern girl may have her little weaknesses, but she isn't effeminate.

"I understand, the doctors have given you up." "Yes, but I Teally did intendto pay them some day."

Guest: Waiter, this steak is like leather, and this knife is dull. Waiter: Strop the knife on the steak.

"Would you say 'honest politics is,' or 'are-" " 'Is,' of course. Honest politics is always singular."

Press-room Foreman: Wot'll we do with, this dame's bridal pioture? Cynical Editor! Hold it for the divorce proceedings.

Englishman: I say, old .top, it's too bad your country's dry. American—Yes, but I live in the city, thank heaven.

"So old Yabsley is dead, eh? Well, well! Did he leave anything?" "Yes. It broke his heart to do it, but he left everything."

Tho inadequacy of the English language becomes apparent when a Follies ohorus girl speaks of her "dressing-room." ■

"Sins of omission?" repeated young Oswald, on being asked what they were. "Why, they are the sins we have forgotten to do."

"Binks is an awfully hard man to understand. I can hardly talk with him. "Use too much slang?" "No, he uses correct English.

Spio (contemplating loan): How are you fixed for money? Span—Oh, I have enough for to-night. Thanks, just tho same. ' '

"Can you support me in the style to which I am accustomed?" asked- the stocking to the new garter.

"There's a lot more I might say," concluded the bargee after his argument with the careless yachtsman, "but, bem' a perfick gentleman, I don't 'old with class warfare."

London music-halls are to have, daily mannequin shows to illustrate the latest ideas in frooks, cloaks, and wraps. Revue houses, on the other hand, will continue to demonstrate quite the earliest ideas on these subjects.

"Do you always leave cards when you call?" "No, sometimes I leave a pair of overalls or an umbrella."

"I saw you out this morning with Luoien's latest flame!" "Impossible! I have _ only been with my wife all the morning-." "

Householder (to burglar under bed): Before you come out you might have a look for my collar-stud under there!

"I hear that Kitty is getting a divorce." "Yes,, she married a captain during the war, and now, of course, he's frightfully out of style."

He: There are an awful lot of girls wlio don't want to get married. She: How do you know? He: I've asked them.

She: Jock, dear—am I the.first girl you ever kissed ? Jaok: Yes,, indeed. I learned to do that from a Tadio lecture I heard the other night.

Marriage License Clerk: Have you ever been married, and if so. how many times ? Actress: Good heavens, don't you read the papers?

Visitor (admiringly): What a pioture of innocence your little one is! Mother: I hadn't noticed it. Dorothy, what have you been doing?

Visitor: You always do as your mother tells you, don't you? Tommy: Yes, and so does papa.

Young Man—l want a word of advice Mr. Wader (grimly): Well? "What is tho best way to approach you for a loan?" "If you are sensitive, better write for it, and when you get my reply, tear it up without reading it."

"Try one of these cigars, old man; they're the best things out!" "How aro they when they're lighted?"

Mother: Whatever is little Billy crvinjr for? Father: Well, he nearly swallowed my cuff links, so I gave him. a couple of cuffs.

"Come and dine with us to-morrow." said the old fellow who had made his money and wanted to push his way into society. "Sorry," replied the ek'gant man. "I can't; I'm goinpr to sec 'Hamlet.' " "That'll all righi," wicj the hospitable old gintlemsu; "bring him with you/1