A LAY OF ANCIENT EGYPT.

Evening Post, Volume CV, Issue 124, 26 May 1923, Page 19

A LAY OF ANCIENT EGYPT.

A sporty king was Two-tank-amen, Much beloved of Egyptfs barmen. He always took his strong potation With unvaried duplication; Tankarde two of every liquor, Foreign blend, or home-brewed kioker. Henos the name of "Two-tank-amen" Given him by Egypt's star-men. (Spelling ohanged in lapse of ages To "Tut-ankh-amen" by the sages, Juet because it looks more classic, H»s a flavour near-Juraasic)_. He never heard of Prohibition, : Or Volstead Act of inhibition; But quafied the fruit of Egypt's vintage And reckoned not its high percentage. 'Twas thus he passed his' days uproarious Until he joined the heavenly chorus. He passed away at one and twenty. "Orowner" said 'twas drink o'er plenty. And they buried him in LuxorBuried him without his uxor, But with all his royal trappings, _ 'Food and drink and princely wrappings, Autos, Fords, and lion couches., Pipes, cigars, tobacco pouches, '■ All things for a spirit needful That had spent a life so speedful. As they left the Pharaoh's mummy, Bone-dry at last, and somewhat gummy, San" hie barmaids and his barmen This most fitting farewell carmen— "Here's to thee, 0 Two-tank-amen I Friend of Egypt's humble barmen: May'st thou never want for whisky, Thou who wert so blithe and frisky, Never slake thy thirst at Marah, Never dwell in dry Sahara! Two-tank-amen, Two-tank-amen, Two-tank, Two-tank, Two-tank—Amen. —George H. Hubbard. "Judge."

"Maanma, some boys threw water at me." -"How could water injure you like that?" "There was a bottle round it!

Chivalry has been desoribed by a cynic as the noble quality in a man that makes him considerate of any woman who is beautiful and isn't married to him.

Doctor: "Remember, if you give your husband anything to drink but hot water, it will kill him." The Patient's 1 Wife: "Ob, bufc doctor, If I give him water, he'll till me."

Husband —How are you doing the portrait? Artist—ln oil. Husband—ln oil? That's not sufficient. ■ If you want to bring out her real character you had better put on some vinegar. ' :

From a laundry advertisement we learn that collars go through, seventeen separate processes before they are returned- to the owner. From the usual result we figured on at least twice that number.'

A contemporary says that the Ten Commandments do not need to be le-written so muoh ac to be re-iead, and yet lots of people have' read tiem without any particular effeot.

Friend—Frank told m» he can hardly restrain himself from falling down and worshipping her. Rejected Suitor—Tell him to keep control of himself; she'll throw .him down soon enough.

A little gir] was spending her first night from home. As the darkness gathered she began to ory. The hostess asked, "Are you homesick?" "No," she answered, .'Tin heresiek."

Mrs. Johnson-nSo you dispensed with your radio maohine. Mrs. Pannell—Yee, on aooount of its bedtime stories. They always came at least three hours before Mr. Pannell and I were ready for bed.

"How did ihe oollision occur?" "A fart driver with' the right-of-way, and snother fast drir»r who was.Bute nobody would be using the main thoroughfare."

When asked By Ws Sunday aohool leaoher if he didn't want to go to Heaven, a. little fellow replied, "No, thank you. It's not) been long since I o»me front there."

First Lidys "The papers «• horribly full of soandal nowadiyi, aren't they?" Second Lady: "Yea, it's dreadful! I oan't get to my homework till 11 or 12 o'olook."

Bill Junior: "Pa, can we we tound?" Bill Senior: "No, my son." Bill Junior: "Then what did you mean by saying that mamma* n«w hat looked like thunder ?"'

"Poor old chap. '. Why, he used to be full of energy—the kind of fellow you would have thought waa born to command." "Yes, but from what I,can hear, hit wife was born to countermand."

Client: "That house you sent me to »cc is in a most scandalous condition, . It is go damp that moss positively grows on the walls."

House Agent: "Well, im't moss good enough for you? What do you expect in these daya—orchids ?" !

Policoman {to motorist driving wrong way on a one-way street): "Her«, can't you read those signs?" Motorist: "Yes, but this road is «o rough I can't 1 tell whether I'm'coining or going."

At a looal movie, recently,' on't'of th» »ctors was a big chimpanzee. "Ooh, look at the bamboo!" said one woman. "That ain't no bamboo," corrected her companion. "That's a boomerang."

He: "The decree is granted. Now, darling, we can be" married at last, just as soon as you' hare settled the Divoro Court fees."

She: "Oh, ne'vsr mind the fees. I have a charge acoount there."

Father,(to dilatory gon)-: "Wh«n I was your age-'I was at my^ desk at 7 every morning."

Son: "That may be, dad, but I know the business is perfectly safe ip. your hands, even while I'm away."

The dictionary is a comforting book. One always can find how to spell a word if one knows how-to spell it in the fir«t place so one can find it in • the diction-

There was a disturbance in the. villag* school. A small boy had slapped a little fjirl. ■ So the teacher reprimanded him. "•Tohiiny JorieV' she said, with.dignity, "no gentleman would strike a lady!" "And no lady would tickle a gentleman's neck with a feather," retorted Johnny.

A ten months', baby girl weighs fifty pounds, is forty-two inches high, and has sixteen teeth. Her advice.to all those desirous of equalling her record is, "Drink and smoke all you like. Take plenty of fresh air. And don't worry."

From the report of a shipping case: "She proceeded on her way until 7, or Tathor lat9r, when a noise was heard as of a heavy body like an anchor or a chain being dragged along the deck from the funnel aft. It was the mate's watch."

White coats are being supplied to constables on traffic duty in Huddersfield. "London Opinion" thinks that their re-' semblance to umpires, no'doubt, accounts for the rumour that a motorist haa just appealed for leg-before against the pedestrian he ran down.

"But, your Honour," protested the speeder who had just received a sentence, "you dou't.realiso that- my time is worth money." "Oh, indeed'" said the Judge.

"Well, if you can produce a 1 s'ragle_citizen" who -doesn't consider that his life is more valuable to him than your time is to you, I'll let you off with a nominal fine."