THE OURSE OF CANE.

Evening Post, Volume CIV, Issue 91, 14 October 1922, Page 17

THE OURSE OF CANE.

Susrar, said an eminent dental surgeon, h tho curs© of our race. Tho sugar-tooth of tender youth. 'l>

Amazes aunt and nurse, Who never yet have found regrei

For such a blessed curse.

No punishmentVwas ever sent That tasted half as nice As mother's threats to naughty pets

To spread their cake with ice. As Christmas comes of sugar plume

And all confeotions sweet The ouree, 'tie plain, of sugar oane la blessed hard to best.

"Chronicle."

—A.W.

A countryman called at the office of a fire insurance company and. intimated that he desiTed to insure his shop and household effects.

"What facilities for extinguishing a, fire have you in your village?" inquired the official. , •

The man scratched his head, pondered* for a moment, and then, answered:

'Well, only the rain !"

"But surely," said the haughty woman, "if I pay fare for my dog he wjl) be treated the same as other passengers and be allowed to occupy a seat?" "Of course, madam," the guard replied; politely, "provided ho does not^put his feet on it."

A man who had become moderately rioh as a result of a couple of not very unfortunate fires, contemplated the pur-' chase of a smal' cinema. 'Do you think it will ero?" he asked .a friend. • "Why shouldn't it?" said the friend. "It's all wood."

"I've just saved a pound, mummy," 'How did. you.do that, darling?" "I bought this guinea pig lor a shillinj?,"

Diner—Look here, this steak ia?'t fit for a dog to eat. Manager—Sorry, sir; if you'll wait five minutes I'll send you up one that is. . ■ . "

"But, papa, why take my debts »o irwfioaHy? I aemire you that by hard work, strict economy, and the utmost selfdenial/you will .clear them off.' 1 *

' She (anxious 4o put him at his ease) — What a. nice danus, Mr. Staith, Your step , axactly suita mine. He (so nervous)— iso fflad —1 know I'm such a wretched '.dancer. ■

A—Why do yba write to your eweetfteart with a typewriter. 81-Out of precaution. She may have my writing examined by those felhsss-Vho can read the character frdm handwriting.

Vieitpr—How much milk does the.old cow give? Farmhand — About eight quarts a day, nwm. Visitor—And how much of that do ypu eelj? Farmhand— About twelve, mum.

Fair Angler: What a glorious morning, Mao. I fesl inclined' to whistle and eingr Mao: Tuts, lassie, we're no birrdf scarin' '—we're fushin'

They were taliring about -women friends. "Do you see Emma often V' one' inquired. "Oh, yes, quite frequently," the other replied. "Is she happily married?" "Is she? Why, that girl is so happily married ohe lhaa to go to the theatre for a good cry."

"Why are you agriculturists always complaining?" "I v dunno," answered the fanner, "never met anybody in any walk of life who-rdidn't have something to kick about. Maybe us farmers just join in bo's to keep from,seeming unsociable."

v An old golf caddie was once asked by a beginner what was the beet thing to use for cleaning golf balls. "Whisky," replied the caddie. "Indeed, and how do you use it?" "Oh, I \just swallow the whisky," came the rejoinder, "then I breathe on the balls!"

The second cpureo of the "table d'hote" ■v;i3 being served.' "What is this leathery tuff?" demanded the diner. "That, air, U fillet of sole," replied the waiter. ■iTake it away," said the. diner, "and see if you can't get irae a nice tender pieoe i'rom the.upper part of the boot,, with, the buttons removed."

A celebrated portrait painter relates (hat once an American oil king came to his studio in Chelsea and said: "What ■vouW you charge to do my portrait in oil?" "Two thousand guineas," was the reply. "But suppose," suggested the millionaire, "I supplied tho oil?"

Mrs. Proffy-Teer was having her house redecorated. "I've ju-st finished the draw-, ■ns-room," slid the foreman; "what shall ■•:s do next?" "You can do the diningoorn on Thursday," said Mrs. ProffyI'cer. "What shall we do ip the interim, ■:i?.da-m?" "Oh, paper that, too."

An actor desiring to'insure hia life gave ■:•> 3, reference the name of a clergyman, ipon whom a representative of the company accordingly palled. "My dear air," ■votested the minister, "my acquaintance •v-ith the gentleman is a very slight one." "That's funny," exclaimed the agent, "because h( told mo he attended your ohurch regularly."' "Well, he does," was the dry reply. ''You see, he always gets, me to r:nrry him."